Post # 1
My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year now and he hasn’t helped with any of the planning. I wanted to take off and get married in Aruba or Las Vegas, but he wanted to have a big wedding for his family. Now I’m stuck with paying for the whole wedding and having to organize everything on my own! I am so fed up with him always putting the wedding last. The other night I wanted to take a couple of snap shots for our engagment photo’s and he felt that him cleaning his “man room” was more important. I want to tell him to take his ring back and shove the wedding up his ass, but I’m not sure if I’m over reacting? I can’t take too much more of this and feel that I made a big mistake excepting his proposal. I’ve already canceled the wedding twice and given him way too many chances to redeem himself. I’m ready to walk away from 10 thousand dollars invested in vendors and a paid in full wedding dress. I desperately need some great advice girls?
Post # 3
It sounds like you don’t want to marry this guy. I think the best idea at this point would be to walk away and save yourself from having a divorce down the road. 🙁
Post # 4
You’ve canceled the wedding twice….do you mean you called it off? Or did you actually change the date twice?
You and he need to have a mega sit down coversation. Have you told him how frustrated you are?
And how are you in the position that you are paying for the whole thing yourself? It sounds like you live together…why wouldn’t he contribute?
Post # 5
Hmm..sounds to me like there is a lot more to this story than him just being the ‘average’ guy who doesn’t care much about the wedding planning. I had to practically BEG my Fi to go shopping for a new outfit to take for our engagment photos—doesn’t mean I would consider calling off the wedding. IMHO, think you need to think things over and see what is really bothering you.
*EDIT*: You are paying for the wedding by yourself???
Post # 6
I am sorry you are having to go through this. From what you have stated in your post, it seems to me like you don’t really want to marry him. You have already cancelled the wedding twice and now you are contemplating doing it again. Only you can decide what is best for you; however, based on what you have stated, I would not only advise you to cancel the wedding, but also to leave the relationship as well.
Post # 7
First off, what do you expect him to do with regard to planning for the wedding? Have you told him what you expect him to do? Have you given him any direction or tasks to complete? e wants a big wedding for his family and you’re doing all the work? Have you put him in charge of anything or are you enabling him by doing it all yourself?
If you haven’t given him any direction and you’re complaining, then you need to quit being a martyr and putting him into action.
You have two choices – either put him in charge of things and, tell him there will be no wedding without his participation since he wants one for his family *OR* call the whole thing off.
Post # 8
The $10,000 you spent on the dress will be more depressing when you have to add divorce court fees to it. I don’t really understand why you are paying for everything on your own, either. You two either need to work everything out and possibly postpone your wedding until everything is hammered out, or you need to cancel it. Getting married with all of this pent-up frustration and animosity towards him is a recipe for disaster.
Post # 9
I would be open and honest with him about the situation. Let him know you’re upset and tell hime what your thoughts are. Tell him you’re considering calling it all off. Just talk to your fiance and see what he has to say!
Post # 10
Is he holding a gun to your head and making you recite your credit card numbers to the vendors etc?
If you don’t want to marry him, then don’t. I think there’s a lot more to this story than we’re getting, but even with the details you’ve stated, it sounds like you’re fed up and over the whole thing.
Post # 11
It sounds like you’ve let a lot of things build up and you needed to get it out. I hope it helped some. You really need to sit down with your FI and actually talk about this wedding and the planning involved. This is just another thing that has come up that you’re supposed to be a team and work thu together. good luck
Post # 12
Go seek help! Therapist, pastor…something! If it were me I’d be out….if I was in a relationship where I called off the wedding twice I’d be too emotionally exhausted to consider marrying the guy who caused all the stress.
Post # 13
It’s hard to tell from your post whether you’re having just normal wedding related frustrations- like a fiancé who isn’t interested in helping plan, or if there’s something deeper going on. What is very clear is that you don’t communicate effectively with your man. You seem to have built up frustrations that you are worried are going to come out all at once. It sounds like you also have a bit of a dramatic relationship (based on the 2 prior canceled weddings). Some people live their whole lives in dramatic relationships that are fight and make up and it works for them. For me, I couldn’t stand being in a relationship like that. You need to decide if you can deal with the fighting and drama because you can’t live without him, or whether it’s being caused by the fact that you’re just not right for each other.
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him and figure out what’s best for you. And even though you’ve come this far in the planning, don’t feel like you can’t cancel the wedding and move on. I have a friend who basically realized before the wedding that they growing apart, but felt too guilty canceling the affair. She is now getting a divorce after less than a year.
Post # 14
It sounds to me like you have a lot going on in terms of your relationship and your resentment towards him outside of planning a wedding and this is just the icing on the cake. Why are you paying for the wedding yourself? If you want more help with the planning then you need to ask for his help and not just expect him to know you need help. It also sounds like he doesn’t respect you very much and that is a whole other issue that you need to address separately.