Post # 1
As you can tell by the title of this post, I’m in need of some advice. My fiance and I are getting married this summer. We’re very excited for the big day, we’re in the process of planning, but we constantly struggle with the guest list because of some unsupportive family members.
To help you understand a bit more, here’s our situation: We are both 22, we have a 4-year-old son, and due to a small budget (we are paying for the wedding ourselves) we’re planning an intimate church wedding and lunch afterwards.
Fortunately, both of our parents and our siblings are supportive. However, my mom’s side of the family – whom I’m very close with – is quite snobby and judgemental. I know for a fact that they have been talking behind my back saying I shouldn’t be getting married and they’ve been criticizing our budget and choice for a small wedding. To them, a wedding at a restaurant or at home is tacky. As for my cousin who was supposed to be my maid of honor, she keeps trying to convince me to postpone my wedding and asked my other cousin why I was getting married before her.
This is all very stressful. I don’t understand why my family can’t just be supportive and happy regardless of what kind of wedding I’m having. My fiance and I love each other and wish to celebrate our big day with the people we love. Deep down, I don’t want to invite unsupportive guests… I’m just worried not inviting these judgemental family members will cause more drama in the long run.
What do you think I should do? Should I invite unsupportive family members? I’d appreciate any advice. Thank you!
Post # 3
If they aren’t supportive of you and your fi then they don’t need to be there.
Post # 4
Do you want to go to family events in the future? Do you want to be somewhat included in the lives of the future children of your cousins etc? If yes, then you need to invite them.
Honestly, I think that almost all extended families talk about it’s members behind their backs. It doesn’t mean that, if push came to shove, that those family members wouldn’t let you sleep on their couch or help you out in hard times. Gossip tends to just be a part of family life. I know for certain that my aunts etc talk about my sister and I, but we talk about them and their children just as much. It doesn’t mean that I love them any less, or feel any less like family, just that I don’t always approve of their decisions and them mine.
Unless you think that they will somehow ruin the event on purpose, I think that you should invite them. Especially if you still want to be part of the family in an active way.
Post # 5
My mom had her reception at her home and she said it is still the best reception she has been to. I don’t think a large budget is needed at all for a great wedding. There are so many options now-a-days. As for inviting the family, I would personally grit my teeth and just do it if you want to have a relationship with them after the wedding. Sometimes people just talk out of jealously. It is about you and your SO-not the money you put in.
Post # 6
No. Don’t invite anyone to your wedding who you don’t actually want there. I have issues with family as well, and they are not included in any part of my life.
Post # 7
Don’t invite them. A wedding is a celebration of two people’s love for one another. If they don’t support/respect your relationship, then why should they be part of that?
I’m speaking from experience, sadly. Most of DH’s family don’t like me and show no respect for our relationship, therefore they were excluded.
Post # 8
@audreydearest: I wouldn’t if I were you. A wedding is a celebration of love and a time for happiness. If they aren’t on board with that agenda, they are politely excused from invitation.
if they want to cause more drama, let them do what they do. Just don’t respond (tough, I know). They’ll end up being foolish And you live your life as you will.
As background, I’m not inviting my dad’s side of the family for this same reason. I dont believe family gets a pass when they treat you poorly because family. They should treat you better than they’d treat a friend because you’re tied together by family. Sorry for the rambling response.
Post # 9
@audreydearest: Definitely don’t invite them. You want it to be a happy day! So share it with people who are happy for you. As they say, the people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I would think carefully before making this decision. I agree with the PP who pointed out that everybody talks behind everybody’s backs. And unniviting your family will be a SLAP in their faces. They may very well cut you out of future events. Why do that to your child? Families are crazy and dramatic. That’s just the way they are. But if they aren’t actually being awful, I’d rather have crazy and dramatic than no family at all. Even if they are just cousins and whatnot, family is important.
If they think your wedding is beneath them, they may not come anyway. I know it’s hurtful, but you will look like the better person for being gracious when they are being judgemental and petty.
Post # 11
@audreydearest: I vote on YES to invite them to save you headache in the long run. However, as long as YOU are happy then all will be well.
On your wedding day. be so fully love and joy over marrying your best friend and let them see it.
If someones makes a comment just respond, “I’m sorry you can’t share in our happiness”
Post # 12
@audreydearest: First, there is nothing at all tacky about an at home wedding followed by a reception held in a restaurant.
While I can understand their thinking you are too young, its simply not their business.
You say you are close to these people but don’t paint a very flattering picture of them. Are they being openly critical of you or are these things you just suspect they think or feel? If you just suspect this is what they think, then stop worrying about it.
If they say anything critical, smile sweetly and reply that you are very sorry your choices displese them but that you hope they can still be happy for you. If someone tries to repeat ugly gossip to you stop them and tell them you don’t care to hear it.
I say invite them. If they have snobbish ideas that is a poor reflection on them, not you. There is no shame in having a small wedding. You should feel proud of yourselves for making mature choices and not going into debt.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Why not just invite the parents and siblings? If it’s one tier of relatives (ex. cousins) that are causing the drama, you can always say “due to budget/space reasons we had to limit the guest list to the most immediate family members.”
Post # 14
@Everdeen: I agree 1000000%% with this!!
All families gossip a bit, and them talking about what they don’t agree with is just them venting their opinion.
Your bridesmaid however needs to be booted from the wedding party. Or given a CTJ talk about proper bridesmaid behavior.
Just invite your family. They are entitled to their own opinion. You are entitled to have the wedding YOU want (and I think yours does sound so nice! I was originaly going to have a tiny tiny wedding in a church and then a reception at a restuarant). I wouldn’t give a rats a** what they think about my wedding and just continue on with your planning. Its not up to them to approve your wedding plans, its up to YOU and your FI.
Post # 15
@audreydearest: I’m in this situation but I’ve already made my choice and that is as much as I don’t want to I’m inviting them . Actually both FI & I have family members we honestly don’t want at our wedding. FI told his mother the only reason one of his aunt is invite is because of her. On his side it’s a aunt and a cousin and on my say it’s my aunt and my ex bestfriend (we had a nasty arguement over how the situation with her family & pregnancy went down we both said sorry but the damage is done we talk but aren’t as close as we were). We differ because ours is a big wedding (200 ppl). We get along with their kids (one is my BM) and honeslty it’s not worth the drama of not including them. The day is about you and your hubby and that union of marriage if they don’t like it and complain or whatever they will look bad. As long as you & your FH are happy the other ppl who opinion doesn’t mattter can mope all they want.
Post # 16
Welcome to the hive! 🙂
Due to family drama and people being unsupportive, FI and I are having a private ceremony. I wouldn’t invite anyone to your wedding who didn’t support you or your relationship.