Post # 1
Ladies, I need some help here!
I have 5 bridesmaids. Three live in town and are totally capable of paying for their dresses. The other two, however, live very far away. One lives in New York (the wedding is in Kansas City) and has some money struggles. She is a waitress and her live-in boyfriend is a writer (so he doesn’t have a day job). She has already flown in once and thrown me a shower, and now she is flying in again for the wedding. The other bridesmaid is a successful actress who lives in London, who could easily afford the roughly $150 dress, BUT she is filming in Budapest and has had to rearrange shooting schedules AND fly in from Hungary (which is going to be like $1500).
So, I really feel like I should pay for the out-of-town bridesmaid dresses, since they have the added expense of coming in for the wedding, but I feel like I can’t pay for two dresses and not the other three. And on top of that, the three in town have had to do a ton more “work” for the wedding- so it seems unfair to NOT pay for their dresses when they have done the most for the wedding. I just don’t know what to do!!!
is it rude/tacky to not pay for all five? should I just expect them all to pay for their dresses or should I find the money in my budget to pay for them all???
thanks for your advice!!!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
Could you discretely help with the OOT BM dresses? Maybe not pay all, but just some of the cost? Also, check out Pearl’s Place — you can purchase mnay of the styles available in salons for much cheaper! Or, maybe see if you could get a bulk purchase discount? (My girls saved ~ $50 each by purchasing from the shop where I got my gown.)
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I agree with Miss Bruschetta. Discreetly helping could work. Sort of subsidizing it under the table. Or you could subsidize all of them for your girls? Just a thought.
Post # 5
I struggled with this as well. I eventually found dresses for $40 for my girls, and they each paid for their own. But if I had chosen a more expensive gown, I would have offered to pay a percentage of the cost or offer to cover the alterations. I also said they could wear their own shoes.
I totally understand having friends in all types of situations! It can be difficult to balance!
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice! The dresses are already purchased (actually, they were made by a seamstress who also made my wedding dress)… so there is no way to bulk purchase or anything…
Post # 7
If the dresses have already been purchased, I would definitely reimburse the two OOT BMs if you can afford it (that’s very nice of you!). I’ve heard of brides paying for certain dresses in wedding parties and not others, and they’ve just been very discreet about it. My friend was recently in a wedding, and she felt horrible because she couldn’t afford to get her hair/make-up done, but all the other girls could. She approached the bride about it, and the bride was happy to cover the charges, but asked the girl not tell anyone else. When it came time to pay up at the salon, the bride discreetly paid for the girl at the register in addition to her own hair/make-up and no one was the wiser.
Not everyone’s situation is the same, and therefore, they all shouldn’t be treated the same, right? 🙂 Even if the other girls found out, I don’t think they could hold it against you! If you felt really horrible about it, host a lunch for the in-town girls only and pay for their food/drinks!