HELP! Should I remove my bridesmaid from my wedding party

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Member
692 posts
Busy bee

@June-bride:  Bridesmaids are not slaves, they do have a life you know? If you like her enough and don’t mind she only shows up for your big day, then keep her. If you are anal about having her contributing to your wedding and if she can’t commit, then drop her. Easy? 

Member
454 posts
Helper bee

@June-bride:  oh dear… I can see this one blowing up…

I sincerely doubt that she just decided to pack up and move across the world on a whim…

Does she need to put her life on hold because you are getting married? What would happen if she got pregnant? Or lost a job and couldnt afford anything but the bare minimum of a dress and shoes for the wedding?

This girl is prepared to make an obviously expensive trip to come back for your wedding and the fact that she’s not available for events that aren’t even necessary shouldnt make any difference…

Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee

“She can be very selfish, whiny, bratty”  No offense…but you sound like you are being this way. It’s all about you and you’re wedding. Your friend has an opportunity to go across the world for whatever reason, and all you do is think about yourself and your wedding. You should be happy for her for that and the fact that she is going to be back in time for your wedding and making that sacrifice for you.

Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee

@June-bride:  ummm gets off ‘scot free’? so i assume she’ll be teleporting from england to get to your wedding?!

it’s not up to you to dole out responsibilities and bills. if she’s here, great! if she’s not – whatever. (for the shower, bachelorette etc) the only thing a bridesmaid HAS to do is stand up for you on the day. the idea that you think she’s somehow not pulling her weight from across the atlantic is ridiculous and petty.

and who are you to judge why she’s moving to england? i just moved to england from canada with my SO and if anyone has been so catty and judgemental for my reasons of moving here, they’re glad i haven’t heard it yet.

i suggest you think about what you would rather have – the original bridal party that YOU chose (theoretically because these are the girls you want to stand up for you) or to create drama out of nothing when it seems like she’s doing everything she can to be there for your wedding. which is her only obligation as a bridesmaid. you kicking her out will only reflect poorly on you.

Member
9140 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@jmaze:  +1

OP, you’re asking way too much of your bridesmaids to begin with.  Is Ms. X supposed to put her life on hold and not move internationally (which I’m sure is not easy on her, either) until after your wedding?  As a BM, her role is to buy her dress and show up to support you the day of the wedding.  Throwing parties for you, while a nice addition, is not required. 

Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

While it would be nice for her to participate and contribute to these things there is no rule, legally or etiquette-wise, that requires her to do so. A bride is not guaranteed a bridal shower or bachelorette party nor is she guaranteed all members of her bridal party will contribute or participate should those events be held. How do you know she isn’t going to contribute in some capacity to your bridal shower or bachelorette party? How do you know she hasn’t planned on sending a gift or contributing money, or calling ahead to a bar or restaurant you are going to be at to send over a nice bottle or a round of drinks? So she can’t be there in person because she has decided to do something exciting with her life and move to England. Saying you’ll be a bridesmaid only commits you to showing up on the day of the wedding in the appropriate attire, sober. NOTHING ELSE.

And, despite the fact you are paying for their attire, there are expenses she will incur. How about her flight back to Canada to attend your wedding? How about hotel accomodations for several nights? How about transportation? Food? Drinks? There are plenty of expenses your friend is willing to incur to be a part of your big day. Saying she is selfish because she hasn’t put her life on hold for your wedding and isn’t spending several thousand dollars to fly back for your shower/bachelorette is ridiculous and makes you sound seem like the selfish one.

Should I be mad at FI’s sister, who is one of my bridesmaids and friends, because she took a federal probation job and moved to Florida from PA in August when she knew she was in my bridal party and can only come home for either my shower or bachelorette party and the wedding and hasn’t been able to be here to help me with all this wedding stuff? (For the record, I am still clueless as to what brides think their bridesmaids should be helping with during the planning process. I’ve done plenty of DIY projects for our wedding and planned everything, with some help from FI, I can’t imagine what I would need there help for, nor would I ever expect it.)

I would suggest taking a long hard look at yourself and the way you’ve been behaving. You seem very selfish in this post and may need to reevaluate what kind of friend you’ve been. You should want her to stand up with you on your big day because you can’t imagine your day without her, not because of what she can do for you.

Member
703 posts
Busy bee

How selfish of her to live her life and fly back for your wedding.

THAT BITCH!

Member
381 posts
Helper bee

I live in Australia, and where I’m from bridesmaids rarely pay for a hens night or organize a bridal shower. They might help set up for the wedding (if required) or pitch in making decorations or whatnot – they’re not a slave though.

I guess the way I see it is that a bridesmaid is someone who you can’t imagine your day without, and that’s why I would chose them. I honestly think she is already showing her loyalty by sticking around for the bridal shower and then flying all the way back for your wedding… I feel kinda like you’re looking for a reason to exclude her?? Maybe?? I dunno…

Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee

I guess I am curious as to what you mean when you say the other bridesmaids will be ‘working their butts off’.

How do you anticipate this? Maybe this will clear some things up for us…

Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee

@June-bride:  I would suggest editing your original post with your latest comment, otherwise there will be a loooot of posts similar to those already posted. Glad you see the light though Wink

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