- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Please help me crisis manage a really embarressing situation. My to-be sister-in-law offered to host my fiance and I a couples shower. Intially, I/we didn’t want showers. We think it’s enough to ask friends and family to travel far for our wedding. But another friend pointed out that friends and family WANT to throw these sorts of parties and celebrate this happy occasion.
So. Fine. Lovely. I agreed.
Now. My sister-in-law to be and I have very different tastes and ways in which we handle things. But I consciously put aside my desire to be controlling and in the know and just let her plan as she saw fit.
Well. I just saw a copy of the shower invitations that were mailed last week…and they’re horribly embarressing. She knows that we are paying for our own wedding. And that’s fine with us. It’s our business and while our immediate family knows this…it’s our business.
But she took it uppon herself to write a short paragraph at the end of the invitation asking guests that instead of presents, guests bring money to help us pay for our wedding.
That would NEVER be our intent. EVER. How GAUCHE.
Now, honestly, I don’t care what my groom’s family will think about this because she and her mom essentially did the same thing for her wedding. But my friends and family don’t know his sister and I am mortified that they will think that this is indeed our wishes. That we’re this strapped and need help paying for our wedding.
Whereas the truth is – we’re incredibly proud and very hard working. We’ve intentionally been saving for years to host the wedding of our dreams…and we would never in a million years want people to give us money. It’s so incredibly gauche. I’m so upset. This is humuliutating.
I feel like these invites read like a charity case, “Hi, Come to this shower and give them money so they can pay for their wedding. And, oh yah, they’re also registered here and here – in case you want to bring a gift”
Any advise on how I can backpedal on this? The invites have gone out. Is it just as crass to call my friends and apologize for the gauche invitation? Or does that make it seem even worse? Like, we need the money but are too embarressed to tell our friends but now that cat is out of the bag?
I’m so upset. And my fiance doesn’t get it. He’s just focusing on how nice it is that his little sister has offered to do this. And it is nice. But at the same time, I just wish we had left well enough alone and not agreed to have a “shower.”