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This is tough. I would suggest speaking with each invited guest indivually and explain your situation. Most will understand and will recind the RSVP for 2. Some won't but at this point it can't be helped. Some people do not understand wedding invitation ettiquette or prefer not to go dutch to a wedding. I also know how time consuming this will be but if your space is as limited as you say you may have no choice.
Good luck!
We are in the same boat as you - limited space based on our budget. I am also the first out of all my friends that are tying the knot so most do not know the ettiquette. Which, if I am correct, the only person invited is the person the invite is addressed to.
I agree with Chela429. You must have that talk with each and everyone of them, unfortunately. But make is short and sweet. Have something written out on paper so that you can call them up and just have that conversation and not get sidetracked.
I have already had this talk with people and I haven't even sent out the invites yet! I am hoping that we won't have to deal with this issue, but just in case, I will be watching this thread for any advice from other ladies out there!
Best of luck!
Just call them up (or e-mail them) and say, "I was so happy to get your RSVP and see that you can make. However, I noticed you mentioned bringing a date. Unfortunately, we don't have the space to accomodate your guest- that's why we just put your name on the invite. I hope you understand."
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I'm the type of person who quite often uses "an eye for an eye" mantra in social situations.
If your guests are tactless & just add people to your guest list without asking: be just as ignorant back. I'd say to them "Due to restrictions from [insert scapegoat here] we really only have room for you". Then assure them that lots of your college/hs friends will be there & that they will have tons of catching up to do! I think 1/2 the time people bring guests is because they are afraid that they'll be stuck with a table of people they don't know.
Still, thats no excuse to just assume they can bring someone you've never met. Money doesn't grow on trees folks!! There's my rant of the day! Sheesh. People bug me. lol
I totally agree Recessionista!! It seems like people just have no sense these days. DOn't they realize weddings are expensive????
The advice that Rosychicklet gave is right on point.
That's exactly what I did when a few single friends returned RSVPs with "+1" written in. I sent out a mass email, playing it off as a way to check in with everyone....and mentioned at the end that we had to eliminate casual guests. It was the only way we could invite everyone that's close to us, and not break the bank.
You can also chalk it up to limited capacity within your venue, which I also mentioned to my single guests.
After that email, everyone was pleasantly accomodating to our requests.
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agreed with pps! I am dreading the uninvited plus ones that will be coming back with my rsvps. my fi and i have already had several single friends make comments about needing to find a date for our wedding. we of course set them straight, but this is so rediculous to me! its not prom! its a wedding, that my parents are spending a lot of money on and excuse me for not wanting to spend $150 a plate on someone random you found to escort you! besides, on our wedding day we want to share it with our friends and family...not a bunch of strangers! i think until people have actually been through the planning process they don't understand all the time and effort that goes into planning an event like this.
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Oh, snoopnaz33, you gave me my laugh today!! Thank you! I love your "it's not prom, it's a wedding" statement. I'm going to have to use that one!
I too am anxiously awaiting my response cards. I am fairly certain that those that I invited know the etiquette on bringing a guest only if it is written on the envelope "and guest" but I'm not so sure about my FI's guests -- even his family members for that matter.
I know I will be making those calls and sending those emails so I'm already preparing myself. I think more and more these days the bride and groom themselves are paying for a good chunk of the wedding, especially if they are older. I can't believe that people wouldn't put themselves in the bride/grooms' shoes on that one.
I feel ur pain...i've been irritated lately coz of these "+1s". I think venting here would help me coz my man doesn't understand why it gets me upset.
One of our bridesmaids who is my man's cousin asked if she could bring a +1 for our wedding. She broke up with her bf of 5 years almost a year ago, but u can still see the pain, so i agreed. She's bringing her bestfriend. Our 2 groomsmen who are also my man's cousins are not dating as well, but the bridesmaid and the groomsmen decided that they will bring their friends as their +1s coz everyone else in the bridal party has a +1 (their bfs and gfs). The said bridesmaid and groomsmen's +1s are their friends who they always hang out with. Since they're younger than us, i don't think they know any wedding etiquettes right now such as paying for ur +1s since they weren't accounted for in the first place.
But what bothers me the most is that for me, it feels that they're having a freaking reunion at my wedding. Am i overreacting coz that's how i really feel??? I can't tell them "no u can't bring a +1 whom i don't know, and no, it's not a reunion!" coz that's just mean and my man won't like it.
It really is a tricky thing with how your man will feel. I feel that pain too. One of my mother's friends is having a cookout/shower for us that we invited mostly our friends to attend. I would be mortified if "his" friends didn't RSVP to the party. I know my friends know that they need to do that so, I'm not worried about them. I told him that he needed to make sure that his friends RSVPed and he got a little miffed. I guess there really isn't a delicate way to put any of this except to preface your comments with, "you know these completely ridiculous things worry me but I would really appreciate if you could tell your friends that this is not their party". Or at least that is how I would say it.
What an 'OUCH' on your pocket book brides! I can understand that really young people may not know any better but if you've already been through college, it's time to learn eitiquette. I agree that you need to speak up on this. It's your wedding! In the future when you look back at your photos you won't even know who many of these people are.
Here is my understanding of 'plus 1'. If the invite is sent to someone who has been dating the same person for one year or more, than you add the plus 1. Anything less and you are not obligated to pay for the additional unknown guest. With your venue being too small that adds an even larger problem, but a very good explaination.
Good Luck!
I don't understand people who don't read the invitation. If it doesn't say "& Guest", then you come alone.
The one other example I had was when I didn't have an "& Guest" but my friend kept saying she hoped "we" (boyfriend & I) could come to the wedding. So I just dropped her an email and asked for clarification--nicely, saying things like "I noticed that my invitation was only addressed to me but you have specifically mentioned the two of us attending. Am I able to bring my boyfriend?" In the case I think the "& Guest" was just forgotten.
When in doubt, ask before finding a date, people! :)
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I altready told my friends no guests because its very limited; if they still respond i would just tell them again space and budget is tight and they can bring their dates if someone suddenly drops out or backs out
Yikes! This is why I'm putting. "We have reserved ___ seats in your honor." on my RSVPs.
Well its definitely a problem you can't afford not to address. I would call or email (depending on your relationship) each one individually. There may be a chance that someone is actually in a relationship much more serious than you had thought. Not that this excuses the behavior, but if they feel they need to plead their case it will aid in avoiding burned bridges.
If you are crazy busy, ask your MOH to help contact them!
We are not going to have any "and guests". If you are not married or engaged, you can come alone. We're already cutting out friends and family we WANT there from our guest list as it is to save $$. No way is some random date taking up a space that could have been given to a friend.
The only exception to this rule will be the partner of fiance's gay cousin. His long term (8 yrs) SO will be invited. Fiance considers his cousin's partner to be family.
This is my number one worry when it comes to wedding invites...I have been pondering the best way to solve the issue before it becomes a problem.
It is rude for people to assume they can write in whatever they want in the RSVP response card. I don't like the excuse "They just don't know the etiquette" because it's common sense - not memorizing Emily Post. You unfortunately have to contact these offenders and explain that money doesn't grow on trees and you would prefer not to be surrounded by strangers on your wedding day.
Unfortunately, I don't think it is common sense. While those of us familiar with wedding etiquette (i.e. obsessed with weddingbee) know whats what, to the unfamiliar guest, this stuff can be confusing. Inner envelopes are giving way to greener weddings and some unknowing guests may not know that the inner envelope denotes who exactly is invited to a wedding.
I think unclear reception cards are the culprit. I hate to see reception cards with multiple spaces for names not filled in. Many an invited guest may assume that those additional lines are for their as yet unknown guest. I think a good way to take care of this is (a) either write out the guest name and leave no additional space on the reception card or (b) specifically state "we have reserved # space(s) for you" on the reception card.
We are doing the same thing as llaurra -- putting
"___ seats have been reserved in your honour"
And the line right underneath that is the number of guests attending, there is no excuse for writing a bigger number than was invited!
Due to $$ and space we didn't have any 'and guests' on our RSVP's. Every time we received a RSVP back that had +1 we nicely told them that we were not including guests in our count. IF we had room we would let them know that they were free to bring their guests but not to count on it. I really like the idea that some had with their RSVP's... by putting 'we reserved ___ seats for you' it would save the hassle and let them know up front if they're allowed a guest :-)
Oh dear, yep these folks are being a little unthoughtful, most people (whether married or not) know it costs a fortune to feed someone at a wedding and so guests are selected carefully.
I think some folks just see a wedding as a party and don't quite get the fact that it not only costs a shed load more than say a birthday party or that actually you might not want some random person at your wedding.
Have a little chat with them (call or e-mail) explaining the situ, I'm sure they'll understand.
LLauRRa, we did the "____ adults are allotted for your party" AND a message on our RSVP call-in number to only RSVP for the number of adults listed in your invitation...and people are STILL inviting extras!! I couldn't believe it. It's really amazing how bold people can be. I became so enraged with the absurdity of some of my guests, that I had to pass it off to one of our wedding planners to do the calling. I was getting too stressed and it was changing my perception of them. So, to preserve my relationship with some of my guests, I stepped away from the RSVP list and delegated it.
Snoopnaz23 said it best!
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We are very limited on space at our venue and I didn't put "and guest" on the invites unless I knew a single was attached or in the better case I knew the name of their S.O. However I'm beginning to recieve response cards back that say +1 when I know they aren't in a committed relationship. The majority of them are friends of mine from high school or college so I'm guessing they aren't familiar with the ettiquette. However I really don't have the patience or room to deal with this. I wish I could just let it slide but these +1's are beginning to add up. What could I do to smooth over the situation without offending anyone and polietly requesting they do not bring a guest?