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Help! Sleeping arrangements at hotel with boyfriend's parents

posted 9 months ago in The Lounge
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    gummybears    June 1, 2013  

    Hi bees,

    Forgive me for registering just to bombard y'all with a question, but I have a legitimately engaged friend who loves this board, and after extensive, futile googling, this seemed like the best place to turn to for advice :-)

    (Sorry if this isn't the right board for this topic)

    I'm supposed to go to an engagement party for my boyfriend's brother next week. His mom invited me and encouraged me to work out a conflict in my schedule, so I thought his parents wanted me to come. The party is a few hours away from where we live, so we need to stay in hotel the night of the party.

    My boyfriend's mom emailed him and told him she made reservations at a hotel for him and his brother. That made me a little nervous in and of itself, since I wasn't mentioned in the email but bf said of course that meant I was included and his parents didn't want to just come out and say that we could share a room together. We sleep in separate rooms when visiting his home, but they strike me as the type of people who would make an exception and allow us to share a room with double beds in a situation like this. They're conservative, but not super conservative, if that makes sense. Maybe I'm wrong about that, though.

    Apparently, yesterday bf found out that there really wasn't a place for me to stay. He also mentioned something about his dad calling and telling him he should just book another room at a different hotel, but he wouldn't give me any more details once he realized I was super uncomfortable hearing all this.

    The other complication is that the hotel his mom picked is super fancy and expensive. It's also sold out. It sounds like they're scrambling to find another room (something about an extra room his aunt had reserved?), but I am so afraid they're going to end up paying hundreds of dollars for me to have my own room. I really don't want them to do that, but I also can't afford to pay for it myself and would NEVER have chosen such an expensive hotel. I know sometimes it's best not to worry about these things and just let parents pay if they can afford it, but if his dad is telling bf to get a different hotel, sounds like his dad doesn't really want to pay for an extra room either?

    Bf says his dad is just being stupid and he's going to have his mom work it out. It just give me so much anxiety to imagine potential resentment his parents (or just his dad) will feel toward me if they do end up paying for an extra room. Bf, however, doesn't think there's a problem and doesn't want to stay at a different hotel.

    Does any of this make sense? Is it reasonable to feel uncomfortable about this? Any help/advice you have about how to handle the situation would be much appreciated!!!!

    THANKS!

     
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    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    You are an adult.

    Make your own sleeping arrangements. You and your BF are perfectly capable of getting a hotel room for yourselves. If you don't want to play by the rules of the parents, don't depend on them to pay for the hotel room.

     
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    Mrs. Louboutin    July 2010  

    @crayfish: Totally agreed with this.

    Even if you were married, it still isn't up to his mother to make the arrangements for you.  Granted, since you aren't even engaged, I could see her be a little weird about staying in the same room as your boyfriend.  My mother wouldn't allow that kind of behavior until AFTER we were married!  Other than that, you need to make your own arrangement.

     
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    SuperKate    May 28, 2011   Missouri / Playa del Carmen, Mexico

    Can't you both make a reservation of your own? Why are his parents making the reservations?

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @crayfish: Agree with this. Why let his parents pay for 2 rooms, when you guys can just get your own, and then they can't say anything about your sleeping arrangements if they aren't paying for it

     
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    gummybears    June 1, 2013  

    I agree with everyone and have no problem getting my own room/would never expect his parents to pay. I think the first point of confusion is why his mom made a reservation in the first place.

    That being said, I guess my real question is do I trust my boyfriend to know the best way to handle his family, or do I put my foot down and insist we stay at a different hotel? I tried to offer him the option of staying in the room his mom booked while I just stayed somewhere else, but he said he would rather stay with me.

     

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    @gummybears: I would get your own hotel room. Tell his parents you appreciate that they want to pay for a room for you, but you would prefer paying for your own room so you can stay together

     
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    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    I would get your own hotel room.  If your BF wants to stay with you, then he can stay in your hotel room instead of in the room with his brother.

     
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    picturemeurs    February 2012  

    Do you both live together? Then this might make a difference in terms of expectations. I'll just ask BF to ask his mom what's going on, since she's the one who invited you to begin with.

     

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