HELP! Step-parent awkwardness

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Keep it the way it is, tell them that it was planned for the only weekend that your parents could make it, and that you meant to ask them about their plans, but also assumed they’d be able to make it.  Don’t change things for them, when they are not as involved anyway.  

Post # 4
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@capitalbee:  I’d carry on with the party as planned because it is when your parents are available.  It is not your fault that your two sets of FIL don’t get along or that one set of FIL will be out of town.  You did nothing wrong, so let this roll off of you.

Post # 5
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would keep it as planned.

Post # 6
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@capitalbee:  Go on without them. You shouldn’t have to forfeit your parents being able to attend for them. And on top of that sending out new invites to everyone. Just so you can listen to bickering. Why don’t they just throw you their own party on the date of their choosing?

Post # 7
10906 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The issue isn’t whether or not FFIL and FSMIL would have chosen to attend the engagement party hosted by FMIL and her husband (assuming they even would have been invited), even if they were in town. The issue is that, your parents live far away and can only make this pre-wedding, meet-the-FI’s-family trip once, and before you and your FI agreed that your parents would come that particular weekend, no one even bothered to check with FFIL and FSMIL to see if they would be in town. This is not a good way to begin connecting these families. No one should ever assume that someone else doesn’t have other plans or obligations, regardless of whether or not someone is (and especially because he or she is) retired.

If your FI’s mother and her husband are intending to include your FI’s father and his wife among the guests being invited to this event, and your FI’s father and his wife would be comfortable attending, then the event needs to be rescheduled. If those factors do not apply, perhaps your parents would be able to arrive in town a day early, or stay a day later, to get together with FFIL and FSMIL (if they would be in town one of those days) for dinner with you and your FI. If trying to hold a separate meeting on the edges of that weekend will not work, then I think you still need to choose another weekend for the engagement party — a weekend in which your FI’s dad and his wife will be in town and can still independently (along with you and your FI) meet your parents.

Post # 9
460 posts
Helper bee


I think it’s very kind of your FMIL to host the party and it sucks that your FFIL & SMIL cannot attend. But it is very hard to find a time and date that works for everyone, especially when the one couple who live at a distance work. Maybe try to arrange a weekend getaway for him/wife, you/FI and your parents another time to meet up for lunch/dinner somewhere in the middle? 

I feel for you! It is so hard trying to introduce families that are in different places, especially when there are divorces and ‘steps’. I have both my parents (divorced) in two different states than I live, and my s/o’s double divorced parents (mother, father and step/adopted-remarried dad – long story) in two other states. Everyone but my mother and her hubby has met since my dad traveled down here during a family event of s/o’s, but I have no clue about intro’ing my mother to his family because she doesn’t ever want to travel to see us where we live, and it’s unreasonable to ask all of them to travel to her state simply for a meet & greet. 

Good luck!

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