Post # 1
Hi Bees! I’m having trouble settling into the routine of a longer relationship. My SO and I have been together about 9 months, and we have a great relationship filled with love, trust, and mutual respect. It’s dawned on me that we seem to have transitioned out of the honeymoon phase of our relationship, and I feel like I’mnot handling it well. While I’m really happy that we are growing as a couple and getting more comfortable with each other, I sometimes look back on our first few months together and long for those feelings of excitement and passion that are abundant in the early stage of a relationship.
We still have a very active sex life, but I miss how passionate and eager my SO was at the beginning. He used to wrip my clothes off the second we were alone and would send me flirty texts all day to build the anticipation, and that’s tapered off quite a bit. I’ve tried to initiate some of this by sending him some dirty messages, but he’s not responding like he used to. I know he’s still attracted to me, but I feel like I’m initiating sex way more often than I’m used to, and it’s starting to take a toll on my self esteem.
I know that all relationships eventually move out of this phase, so I would really love some insight from how you all keep those fresh feelings alive.
Post # 3
Change up the sex. Make it exciting. Send him some raunchy texts.
Above all, remember that’s a fun stage, for many it never goes away, but there are other stages that are so exciting and passionate.
A long term relationship ebbs and flows but it’s totally worth it to get to relationship gold. You can have the honeymoon stage with just about anyone, but the real gooey love stuff is where it’s it.
Post # 4
My husband and I dated for 7 and a half years before marrying. I used to complain to him all the time about how I missed how we were in the beginning. I finally snapped out of it. I think it’s a transition period that ALL lasting relationships go through.
I LOVE how comfortable we are with each other now. I love how he can look at me and tell that something is wrong. Or how we can look at each other and know what the other one is thinking. There are so many things that only come in a relationship because of being comfortable with each other.
We still do the little flirty texts and messages all the time. Back last semester when I was doing my student teaching, I lived at home with my mom while my husband (then fiance) stayed an hour away on campus. It was right at a time when I had been complaining of how our relationship had lost the spark….On the first Thursday (which was my birthday), I received a package in the mail. It was a message in the bottle from him. And they came like clockwork every single Thursday in the mail. It’s just little thoughtful things like this that have kept our passion alive. =)
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
Relationships change over time, and they go through phases. You’re just ending one phase and starting a new one. If you’re taking issue with how your SO had adapted, say something. Trust me, my husband and I went through a phase right around the 1 year mark where I had to initiate every time and he always prefecied it with “ok, but it’s gonna be a quickie” Eventually, one night I got mad, and said “Fine, I’ll wait then. I’m tired of quickies” and I rolled over and went to sleep. The next day he apologized, and we were able to talk about it. I’m not saying waiting until you’re frustrated and angry is best– but at least it got us talking. Since then we’ve been able to communicate better and avoid letting things get to that point.
Also, change things up a bit– and I don’t just mean in the bedroom. Go out on a fancy date; get all dolled up and go someplace new and exciting. Maybe dinner and a show. Or, if it’s in the budget, plan a mini vacation over a 3 day weekend (labor day is coming up!) Break up your routine a bit and help keep things exciting.
Post # 6
@FearLess: ive been feeling the same way but it started with all the wedding planning.
ive been so busy with work and wedding planning and studying for my GED with his sister 3 nights a week that i felt like we were not as romantic as we use to be. thank god i got my GED and im going to be starting school soon. but he felt it to we love each other and are very attracted to each other we just haven’t been making the romantic time we use to for each other with saving for the wedding we don’t go out much. but were changing that ; ) this week were going out to out favorite Japanese steak house. we both know we have been neglecting each other and were going to take care of that ; ) talk to him about it. if you feel you cant get some sexy nighties that will spice things up. dress a lil more sexy then you usually do. wear higher heels and sexy outfits. when you go out and other men are checking you out hell be ripping them clothes off you in no time ; o) works for me….
Post # 7
Relationships grow and change and move to new levels. I have looked back at our honeymoon stage and it was wonderful feeling that spark every time he was around. And our relationship has consistantly moved threw different levels in the almost 4 years we have been together.
I can only tell you its not something to mourn. Plan date nights, they dont have to be expensive or fancy, but its wonderful to experience new things together. This should bring back some of that spark you maybe are lacking.
Why aren’t you ok with him not whipping off your clothes every time? I’m sure it still happens, just not every single time your together.
We went to the driving range last week. Neither of us golf. Lol so it was fun. Just sitting down and having a glass of wine together brings us closer.
Post # 8
Keep some distance between you. Don’t absorb into each other. That’s a surefire way to kill the spark. Have separate hobbies and interests. It’s hot in the beginning because you don’t know everything about each other, and you are aware of how you are two different people. As you get comfortable around each other and do more and more things together, that’s bound to fade. By doing things separately, you’ll always have fresh things to talk about to keep the spark alive.
Post # 9
@EastMeetsBarn: I agree. Having time apart definitely helps you appreciate your time together even more. We were used to being together constantly. When we spent that semester apart, it was one of the best things ever for our relationship. When we were together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other! =)
Post # 10
Lightning strikes and sparks fly when good relationships are new. That’s a great thing – and a bad sign if those things DON’T happen. But as time goes by, security creeps in, contentment happens and things settle down to a slow burn. It’s also a good thing, not a sign that something’s wrong.
However, this contentment can also breed a little boredom and passivity. Don’t obsess over it or nag. Those things are spark-killers. Spend time apart, pursue your own interests and don’t forget to stop by the adult store to pick up something new to play with once in a while. Men are visual and love new stuff. New toys, new moves, new videos, surprise sex (if he’s into it – not all men are). Feel free to grab him when the mood strikes you, pin him down (or up) and do something wonderful to him. Therea re lots of ways to kick things up, but don’t underestimate the beauty of a comfortable relationship. As long as things stay warm & get hot when they need to, there’s no reason to try to set the world on fire every day.