HELP!! To Wed, or Not to Wed…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: To Wed or Wait?
    Wed : (7 votes)
    19 %
    Wait : (30 votes)
    81 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    Well you can always do a justice of the peace wedding and a small dinner at a local restaurant after. Then you could do a ceremony/reception later when you have money if you want. 

    Otherwise, it seems you will have to wait. If you don’t have money and no one else can help (not that they have to), you really don’t have any other choice.

    Post # 3
    Member
    2566 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    All of their reasons are justified besides #5. People plan weddings from far away all the time.

    Do you mind if I ask how old you are? It sounds like your experience is there, but you mention finishing school.

    But I agree with the PP, either do something really small now and something bigger (vow renewal) when you do have more money, or just wait.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    121314BrideToBe:  If you really want to get married and don’t care about the party or having any of the big ‘fancy’ wedding bobbles, go to the court house and get married.

    If you want to have a big wedding, wait.

    What’s more important? The party with everyone to see your wedding or a no fuss just you two wedding. That’s something only you can answer.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2566 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    121314BrideToBe:   It sounds like a courthouse wedding could suit you and your goals.

    And good luck with school! It’s admirable that you are jumping back in with both feet 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    42460 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    121314BrideToBe:  You could have an intimate courthouse wedding followed by dinner out with your immediate family. It need not be any more expensive than any other dinner out.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2169 posts
    Buzzing bee

    121314BrideToBe:  I might be the dissenting voice here, but if a wedding is going to decrease the amount of financial aid you’re able to get and you’re already struggling to find money to finish your degree then 100% wait.

    You’re still young. Waiting a few years to get married shouldn’t make much of a difference in the relationship if you’re meant to be together. Waiting a few years to finish school and start a well-paying job will have much more of a negative impact on your life.

    Does your SO need to finish school too?

    Post # 10
    Member
    8702 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    If you’re not picky, just go to the courthouse and get hitched there. Usually it’s just the cost of the marriage license. If you can’t swing that cost, then you definitely need to wait.

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    Post # 12
    Member
    2169 posts
    Buzzing bee

    121314BrideToBe:  I’m so sorry that you and your FI have faced such difficulties. In thinking about this more thoroughly and not taking your family’s concerns in the OP at face value, I’m not sure how getting married would affect your financial aid situation negatively with regards to FAFSA because… 1) you’d become independent from your parents in FAFSA and 2) the fact that you and your FI are both students and will have no income should increase your financial aid options if that’s less well off than your parents are, right? Shouldn’t that maximize your financial aid options instead? I think you should talk to your school’s financial aid office and figure that out. Sorry to be so staunch about this.

    I agree with PPs that if you wanted to get married now you could go the courthouse route and then have a big wedding/vow renewal later if you want to, when there’s money. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t seem that you can have the wedding you’re implying you want if there’s no money for that at this point in time. It’s just not prudent to go into debt over a big wedding, especially at the expense of sacrificing other things that are going to improve your future considerably, such as finishing your nursing degree and starting your career.

    Keep it simple and keep in mind that it’s the marriage that matters most. My parents only ever had a small courthouse wedding followed by dinner out. They had no money for a big wedding and when they did have money there was always something else to do with it…buy things, travel, spend it on kids, etc. They’re still happy together almost 30 years later. I was recently telling my mom that I don’t think I’ll be able to afford the type of wedding I would ideally want. She reminded me that it’s not the wedding day that matters after so many years, it’s the marriage. Yes, big, expensive weddings can be nice, but at the end of the day what type of a wedding someone has has nothing to do with how the marriage will turn out.

    Post # 13
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee

    121314BrideToBe:  I would spend a lot of time thinking, find my truth, and live it. This is your story; decide how you want it to be written. The arguments for waiting make sense. If in your heart you need to be married asap, even though you’ll be together either way, have a small wedding you can afford and a huge party later on.

    Post # 14
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    121314BrideToBe:  Wait. Finish school.

    12/13/14 isn’t worth your livelihood. FWIW it’ll be 13.12.14 in most of the world (date.month.year).

    Post # 15
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I agree with PP that financial aid can be affected by being married. A friend literally considered getting divorced (just in the legal sense) so that she could get more help to finish school. I would look into the consequences getting married could have on your eligibility for financial aid. Sorry, I know that’s not a great reason to decide whether or not to get married, but if I were you I would rather know going into it, instead of it becoming an unpleasant surprise!

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