Post # 1
hey there bees. so i am in a really tough situation. my husband and i had planned to start tcc in may of next year. i am 34 so we decided to go of bcp and allow me to regulate in the interim of things. we were using a diaphram at first but hubby felt it and didnt like it at all so we have been using the sponge.
now i have been charting for three months so i know my cycle VERY well. I am currently 7 dpo and feeling really preggers. i don’t know why or how but i am having alot of strange symptoms including: more than usual breast tenderness, pain and tingling, cramping in my abdomen and lower left side. lots of bloating and exhaustion and just generally a bit off. i have that weird “feeling” i hear people talk about. my husband and i had sex in my fw but we did use the todays sponge. i am agonizing wondering if i am pregnant.
some other stuff you should know: i have been baby crazy for months now and tried on several occasions to convince my husband to start earlier than our agreed date as little as one month ago. i meant like feb/march though because we are suposed to go on our honeymoon to a 3rd world country and i didnt want to go there pregnant for obvious reasons. i have been surrounding myself with books and magazines on pregnancy though and i am desperately afraid that my husband will think i tricked him into the baby. i used my sponge as directed and dilligently but it’s not like he watched insert the thing. i am afraid that he will mistrust me and that this will put a horrible shadow on our marriage. i am also afraid because the timing is so shitty he will blame me for ruining our honeymoon. to make matters worse in a fit i deleted some of his music from itunes during a fight last week. i was angry and he asked me if i did it and i lied and said no. he beleived me but a few nights ago i fessed up and he was so distrubed. he felt he couldnt trust me and couldnt believe i lied. i told him the truth but now i am afriad my credibility is even worse due to this stupid impulsive thing i did.
i also changed our cats litter and drank and had ibuprofen and lots of no no pregs behavior prior to getting this weird feeling. my doc took a blood test at 5 dpo which came out negative but she told me that’s just too soon to tell. i can’t expect a definitive test till one week from today.
this could all just be a strong case of PMS. it’s not my norm but who knows. i just need help from you wonderful bees. any advice? any suggestions? i know the truth in my heart either way but i can;t help but feel guilty for secretly wishing for accidents in the past and now it’s like the old BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. i desperately want to be a mother but i didn’t want it to go down like this and i feel sick inside.
thank you in advance XO
Post # 3
urgh that is a hard and and sticky situation :(. first i want to say that a little white like such as deleting itunes should not be a big deal….so im wondering if there have been issues in the past that make your DH think that he cant trust you??
Secondly, understand that babies are blessing so although he might be upset at the beginning…im sure he will get over it in the long run. anytime you go off BC there is chance that he you will get preggo so he should be aware of that. Im not sure what a sponge is or how it works….but hopefully your symtoms are all mental and you and you husband can start TTC on a date that you both agree on.
wishing you all the best!
Post # 4
I was positive I was pregnant these past two cycle of TTC. I’ve been charting since 2005 and felt very different. I wasn’t pregnant and each cycle you only have a 15-25% chance of pregnancy, even with perfect timing.
It sounds like a lot is at play. I hope you two can talk things through.
Post # 5
Well there are ideal times for some couples I suppose, but If you want children and your having sex you have to be prepared with the aftermath of what that combination may produce.
As you guys know, nothing is 100 percent effective at preventing pregnancy except abstinence.
Seems to me like you guys have some issues that you will want to heal up and clear up if you can before you start pushing dates for having kids.
As the PP’s mentioned, theres a good chance you are not pregnant. Try and relax and take care of yourself in the meantime 🙂
Post # 6
You ladies are so awesome!!! thank you for all the wonderful advice.
@pp24 you are right. i know that deleting music is not as bad as something so horrific as deception with pregnancy. and i am hoping if i am pregnant that he would also know the difference but since my baby fever started he has been very paranoid about post bcp sex in general so it’s hard to say.
@maplebecky thank you so much for responding. i know you are right and i also am not so insensative as to think that if i do end up pregnant it is a wonderful gift from god and something that i will not take for granted. i understand that it can be quite difficult to procreate at my age so that statistics make anything possible. i just feel odd. could just be pms. BABY DUST for you!!!!!!
@mrs.aregnting you are right on the money. either way i will have to have a long talk wiht my sweetie and make sure he understands that i would never do anything without his equal active participation and blessing and joy. i would never push him into something he didnt want i was just asking him if we could start earlier but i was and am resigned to start in may and he did say we can talk about starting in march when it come and we can asess our finances.
keep the great advice and wise words coming though cause i am pretty stressed right now.
Post # 7
just in case any of you were wondering i am now on what should be dpo 11 and got a negative test today. looks like this might just be one of those little things that make you think and we will be able to stay the course of our original plan. i hope it all goes well at that time. i know tcc is no simple task and i in no way want to reflect that here. it’s just hard to be in a situation without both partners fully involved and at least some prep work. thanks bees
Post # 8
thanks for updating. good luck to you!
Post # 9
Even if you aren’t pregnant, I’d still recommend having a chat with your husband to let him know how you felt this time around – “There were a couple days when I thought I might be pregnant last month and was afraid of how you’d react and that you’d think I planned to get pregnant. I’m not pregnant, but this is something we should talk about now, in case we do accidentally get pregnant before we plan to.”
There’s no reason you should be stressed out about an unplanned pregnancy because you don’t think your husband will trust that you didn’t do it on purpose.
Post # 10
I agree w/ Goldilocks – you might want to even have this conversation with him today (in case it turns out that you are pregnant….which you probably are not!)
Post # 11
yeah, i am gonna discuss it with him but i am waiting till i have a positiev or negative for sure. that way i can approach him without stressing him out unduly. i’d rather we have a chance to discuss this when things are more clear. it’s only 3 more days till my period so i think i can make it. i will talk to him though, for sure.
Post # 12
I have been completely, absolutely CONVINCED that I am KU every cycle that we have been TTC. So far, I haven’t been any of those times. The mind is a tricky, tricky thing.
I agree with PPs that you need to talk to your husband.
Post # 13
You two definitely have communication (and possibly trust) issues on all fronts that need to be worked out before you become parents. Letting yourself do petty things like deleting songs from his iTunes when you’re frustrated and lying about it gets nothing accomplished. It’s time to act your age and learn to sort things out like a mature adult so you can set a good example for your future children.
Post # 14
well aunt flo came on friday and i am in a good place and back on track to start in May with my hubby. he and i had a great talk and it allowed us to put alot of things in perspective with regards to our mis communications and our fears. we both agree that we trust eachother and would both take full responsibility and happily become parents if our contraception were to fail. he told me that although he felt uspet about the tunes he knows it is not on the same plain as something like going behind his back in pregnancy and would never assume such a thing. i was happy and relieved and i replaced his old songs. we are also taking a mediation class which helps immensely.
@linquo whilst i appreciate anyone who takes an interst in something i post here and appreciate any advice your comment lacks constructiveness. telling me things like to “act my age.” makes me question your maturity and compassion level. we all have issues from time to time and none of us are without faults or mistakes.
Post # 15
@Audreysdance: your not supposed to change kitty litter while pregnant??? Really? Why?
And that is good your not prego. Work on the communication a little bit and I am sure you guys will work it out.
Also stop looking at the baby magazines! When I had baby fever before I just looked on puppy adoption sites lol. It helped me focus on cute little sad “babies” without people to love them. lol it worked for me.
Post # 16
you can get toxoplasmosis from kitty poop. you can change it but you must use gloves to be safe.
good idea about looking at puppies but beleive it or not this scare has been the best thing to bring me back down to earth and remind me to enjoy this phase while it lasts. a baby will change a alot for us.
i think the main reason i was so impatient was my age so i just have to stop reading all the stuff on the internet and in books and just hope for the best. all we can do is take very good care of ourselves and work on any issues we can in the interim.
thanks again bees. you got me through a tough patch.