(Closed) HELP! Unwanted guest!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@EveVee:  What a weirdo! Why would she want to attend the wedding after she broke up with the best man? That is so uncomfortable.

Post # 4
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Why the heck would she want to fly to an out of town wedding of her EX-boyfriend, who won’t even have time to hang out with her because he’s busy being IN a wedding??

I would speak to BIL and have him put his foot down about her attending.  Tell her that he thinks they need to sever ties and have no contact for closure or whatever…  Even if it means he has to reimburse her for the cost of flights – that’s the cost of a breakup.  This seems like a desperate attempt to get him back perhaps??

Post # 5
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Well your future brother in law is not telling the whole truth here. She would not be attending this wedding just to be off her rocker. He broke up with her, correct? Seems to me he is telling her “he wants” her there, even if he doesn’t mean it, he needs to tell her she is no longer invited and reimburse her for her cost. Don’t blame her blame him.

Post # 7
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It could be that she’s still planning on going for the “vacation” destination but not planning on actually attending the wedding itself.  

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@EveVee: Notify the people at your venue that she is not to enter your ceremony or reception site. If she arrives, she will be escored out. Show them a photo of her, give them her name, and have them handle it discreetly. I had to take similar measures and it was completely within reason for the venue to manage the situation. You might even enlist a “greeter” at the entrance of your celebration to welcome guests and if they see her, they can alert your coordinator or security. They should be able to manage this without you knowing it even happened until after the fact.

Post # 9
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Are you sure they are really broken up, or one of those couples who break up just to get back together in a week?

Post # 10
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If it was me I’d call her, play nieve by believing she’d want to not attend the wedding by saying “I’m so sorry to hear that you and ______ are no longer together and I understand why you wouldn’t want to attend our wedding. I mean it would be so awkward. I’m sure you’re going to still fly out since the tickets are non-refundable, have you made any plans yet”? If she says she plans to still come to the wedding I would express my “concern” for her feeling of being out of place and steer her clear of being put in a situation of being emotionally upset. If she insists that she’s still attending I’d flat out say “When you and ____ broke up I assumed you wouldn’t want to inject your presence into a situation where there might be tension so I’m asking you to do the respectful thing by declining the invite. This is a very special time for us and we’d like to celebrate it with immediate family”.

if you truly don’t want her to upset the dynamics of the guests attending then I feel you have every right no ask her not to attend. You can be as polite as possible but bottom line, you don’t have to be if she’s going to insist.

Post # 12
Member
3124 posts
Sugar bee

I would ask BIL to ask her not to come to the wedding as it isn’t appropriate anymore and will most likely put a damper on everyone’s night. I think if she wants to use her ticket she should just fly out there and spend time doing other thing if it means that much to her. 

Post # 14
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

If they are really broken up she is not going to show up anyways. If she shows up and BIL doesn’t mind her company they are at least banging.

I think you are spending too much time on this and you should just let it go, it will probably work itself out. There’s no need to get in FI’s families business unless you really think this girl is a loon and is going to cause a scene.

 

Post # 15
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@mishagirls79:  Agreed. Have FI talk to his brother and shut it down. 

Post # 16
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@EveVee:  Than un invite her, this is your future BIL’s ex. its your wedding, be super blunt and say I’m sorry you are no longer invited. End of story

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