Post # 1
FI and I recently got engaged, and we need to start making some decisions. We’re struggling because; well it seems everyonehas an opinion on what we should do. After listening to them all, we’re just thoroughly confused and second guessing ourselves. So I figured, why not poll the bees and get even more input, you ladies always offer so many unique perspectives I guess I’m hoping you’ll help us see the big picture!
(If you want the cliff notes version, scroll down to the bold text!)
Background: High school sweethearts who have been together for 10 years! We’ve been living together in a house he owns, for the last 4 years. My ‘busy season’ at work is September-January so I’m a bit worried I won’t be able to get much done during those months. My parents are generously gifting us a good amount of money, we can choose to use this towards the wedding or for whatever we want.
If we go the banquet hall/ golf club route, we will be looking at a May 2015 wedding. Here are some of the positives:
- I like the idea of having our pick of vendors, by booking 2 years out we have a greater chance of securing everyone we want.
- I want to lose some significant weight before the big day, doing it in 2015 gives me the time to do so in a safe / healthy way.
- I’m into the vibe of a more formal wedding; I want the flowers, up lighting, etc.. (this is what I’ve always envisioned)
- Expensive- We’re going to be funding everything over the gift from my parents, I think we’ll need to pull together about 15k. We think 2015 is preferable because it would be easier for us to save. We could make it work for 2014, but it would require making some compromises.
- We will not include children under 18, which FI’s mom doesn’t love
- Elderly family members may not still be around in 2015
If we went the backyard reception route, we could stick with 2015- or move it up to 2014. Here are positives:
- Elderly family members may have a better chance of attending
- We could save some serious money that we could use for something else (we would be able to easily fund this 100% with my parent’s gift, and probably have money left over)
- We could include more people (example: children who we are not planning on including if we go the banquet hall route)
- Wouldn’t have to wait until 2015
- It’s not what we’ve always envisioned / dreamed of
- I’m a teeny bit worried people will judge us
- Less time to lose weight
- Might not be able to get all of the vendors I want for 2014
- I have no idea where I would even start to plan this
Our practical minds say the backyard reception makes sense financially & logistically, but in our hearts we have always envisioned the fancy more formal banquet/golf course wedding. I think know regardless, we will have a killer party, and the most important part is no matter what we pick, when it’s over we will be married.
What do you bees think? What would you do?
Are there positives and negatives we’re missing?
Did you do one and wish you had done differently?
Post # 3
No one can tell you what to do, but having the older relatives be there would be the most significant thing to me.
Post # 4
That’s a tough choice. At the end of the day, your wedding should be like your vision, and if that means waiting another year to save up for the formal venue it may be worthwhile. That being said, there are a lot of benefits to doing a backyard wedding, the savings being the biggest benefit. You could use the money you’re saving and put it towards fixing up the yard – maybe some nice landscaping or decor. You could also put the leftover money towards renting a tent and dance floor to give more of a formal feel in the yard. The nice thing about a yard is that it’s kind of like a blank slate – you can make it more casual or more formal with some creative decor choices.
Post # 5
First off, ignore everyone else (the outside people you mentioned, not other posters). People love to give their opinions/advice/say so, especially if they’ve been there done that. Gag.
Second, just take my comments with a grain of salt. We chose the more formal venue for our wedding primarily because it’s what I always envisioned and dreamed of, and I didn’t want to have any regrets later. I was afraid if I gave in and did the less expensive casual backyard party I would live with the regret too long. Yes we could have had more money in our pockets, but we didn’t really need it. The other factor for me was having it at the venue meant they did everything for us (food, drinks, decor, flowers). I only had to find a DJ and photographer. I would have had to do everything myself with the backyard reception and I did not want to take on the stress.
Ultimately this is YOU and FI’s wedding. It’s totally up to you. Based on your facts and being a non-biased third party, the reasonable solution is the backyard reception. But don’t do anything you will look back on and say I wish I hadn’t done that.
Post # 6
make yourself happy – what’s more important, the location or the timing?
I’m dealing with this now. I could have the venue that I adore IF I was willing to wait until 2015 to get married. I’m not. I’ve been waiting to get married for what feels like forever. I just want to be married. I’m happy with our plan B that we can afford next year (Plan A is at least double the cost).
Post # 7
Could you cut the difference and do a formal backyard reception… white tents, bartender, rented dance floor, etc. I’ve seen it done very nicely and probably still much less expensive than the other option.
Backyard doesn’t automatically equal casual bbq unless that’s what you want it to be. You’ll need more room for the more formal version, but it can be done.
Post # 8
This might sound callous, but how elderly is “elderly”? Is anyone in failing health?
My father had me when he was older, so I’ve alway been nervous about him being around, and he’s in his mid-70s now. But as the date grows closer, I realize that he’s in pretty good health, and if I had waited a year it would have most likely been okay.
If everyone is in pretty good health, I would vote the formal route.
Post # 9
@2BeeMrsE: My grandma is in her late 80’s, his is in her 90’s.. No one is terminally ill or in poor health, they’re just old.
This probably makes me sound terrible, but I struggle with moving up the date just because someone is old, there’s no guarantee that something won’t (heaven forbid) happen to someone before next May. Heck, I could get hit by a bus next week!
Post # 10
Go with what you REALLY want 🙂
Post # 11
@LadyBear: +1. Also why can’t you have the backyard wedding in 2015? This will give you time to lose the weight you want and you can also have time to work on any DIY projects (if you plan on having any) you want to take on. Honestly I had the fairy tale wedding and as horrible as it sounds, I regret spending that much money and it was only 7K! I still ended up not getting the wedding I wanted in the end. If I could do it all over again, my focus would have been on photography and food not the perfect venue or the perfect dress. You want to enjoy your day and have other loved ones enjoying your day as well. To hell with anyone that you think will “judge” you. They don’t have to come.
Post # 12
Hi everyone thanks for the input! I wanted to provide a quick update because we finally made up our minds. After a long convo, and we both decided to go ahead with the banquet hall/golf course route even though it means waiting until 2015. We feel that we might have regrets if we go the backyard route, and since we’re only doing this once we want it to be everything we’ve dreamed of. I really appreciate everyone’s opinions and input.
Post # 13
@MissMay3003: That’s what I was thinking! You only get married once!
Post # 14
Good for you..do what you want BUT please be careful with vendors as 2015 is far away-you want to make sure that the vendors don’t go out of business by then. PAY WITH CREDIT CARDS ONLY!!