Help w/ Future In Laws Trying to Push things

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who should pick the music for the wedding?
    Bride and Groom : (42 votes)
    100 %
    Parent's of the Bride (paying for wedding) : (0 votes)
    Parent's of the Bride (not paying for wedding) : (0 votes)
    Parent's of the Groom : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    kaythan:  Is it a DJ? Band? IPod?  

    I am a firm believer that no matter who is paying, the bride and grooms opinion is the MOST important!!  This event should reflect THEM, and have hints of everyone elses touches here and there 🙂  

    I also think when it comes to music, and depending on how you want the reception to go (i.e. people out of there seats and dancing vs. more quiet and subdued), is dictated by the music.  In that instance, you need to know the audience.  I think ANYONE can agree that if you want people up and dancing at a wedding, you need to play a VARIETY of music, and not just one genre!!!  Oldies, country, hip hop, slow, fast, line dances, etc.  I am certain the in-laws would see it that way?!

    Regardless, understanding you may want to appease everyone, add a note on the RSVP’s asking your guests what song/songs they MUST HERE to get up and dance, or sing 🙂  Let them be the music ‘decision makers’, so no one in the inner circle is to blame 🙂  Good luck!!

    The reason I asked the first questions is because you can also ‘pass the blame’ onto the DJ or Band, if necessary.  Although you are paying them to play what you want, you could tell the in-laws that they recommended a bit of everything, and prefer it?!

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  OUgal0004.
    Post # 3
    Member
    5279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Since it’s their wedding, the music they prefer should be prominently featured; however, since other generations will be in attendance and we want everyone to have fun, I would include selections that appeal to them as well.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7090 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Are you having a DJ? I’d say it’s the bride and groom’s choice, but if you want people up and dancing it’s important to play a variety. If his family is really into line dancing or similar, it’s not going to ruin the evening to intermingle a few country songs.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2882 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I HATE, LOATH, ect country music, but there will be a few country songs at our wedding. Mainly because I live in a very rural area and there are a lot of country lovers. BLAH!! I’m asking the DJ to play no more than 2 songs per hour, and have a large list of banned country music, but I’m dealing with it.

    Now, not even my parents who are paying for a major portion of my wedding would be able to dictate that our whole night be country music, or any other type of music myself and my fiance dislike, because it is our wedding. I will give a little for the comfort of my guests, but refuse to put up with something I dislike all night.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee

    For my 1st daughter’s wedding, she picked the songs, with input from me, about my generation and her grandmother’s generation. She also took the groom’s songlist, and added almost every one of those (a few she hated). Since I paid for everything, I had a few quilifications; no Sinatra (I cringe), Michael Jackson, Chris Brown, etc.

    In the end, the band played about half of the suggested list (45 songs for 4.5 hours) and played a lot of what they wanted to, anyway. There was a broad mix. They complained about most of the selections being up-tempo, but that’s what the couple wanted. I made sure to go with a different band for my 2nd daughter’s wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    kaythan:  I’m sure there is room for compromise here.  The couple should have final say but they should also take into account the comfort and enjoyment of their guests.  Surely they can throw in a few country tunes? Allow a line dance or two? A lot of modern country music is pretty mainstream so I don’t think it would be out of place or a jarring change-up. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    Zhabeego:  +1 Agreed.

    kaythan:  I don’t see the big deal if the in-laws request a country song.  Asking for only country music to be played though, that’s unreasonable.  But that’s probably not what they’re pushing for.

    In any event, since you’re not the bride or groom and aren’t related to these people, I think you should stay out of it.  Let your daughter and her fiance interface with his parents.  I don’t see any reason for you to get involved.  I think it will only create tension and drama.  Let the bride and groom make the decision and then execute what they tell you to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    42510 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    kaythan:  I see n reason why the music selections cannot be chosen with consideration of  all the guests’ age and taste. That’s part of being a good host.

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