Post # 1
Long time lurker and first time poster and i would really love your opinion on something.
Little bit of background info first.
I am 24 and my partner is 30 and we have been together for 5 years….living together for 4 and I feel like it is time for our relationship to move onto the next step. We have always talked about it but for some reason the boy keeps coming up with different reasons on why he thinks we are not ready. He always says that i am the only person he wants to have kids with and marry and that for a long time he was ready and i wasnt… then when i finally said last year i was ready he then said he couldnt afford it because we want to do a year long trip at the end of this year so he wouldnt be able to afford a ring AND save for the trip. Then when i said that i wanted to get myself a Tiffany’s ring for myself because i always wanted one he said he would pay for half which would be a 5 year anniversary ring but it would be as nice and as expensive as an engagement ring?! I also think that sometimes because i get so frustrated at other people getting engaged who have only known each other for less and that he keeps putting the subject off it keeps making crazy which then makes me take it out on him!!! So i am scared that i am being mean and resentful and that in turn makes him even MORE hesitant to want to propose.
So i really dont know what i should do… if he actually doesnt want to marry me and i should just move on with my life or if he feels like hes not ready because he has been saying he wants to be financially stable with a house and not travelling before we settle down and get engaged but i really dont know the difference? I know that it wouldnt be any different to what we are doing now so i dont know what to do!
Please help!! 🙁
Post # 3
gosh that sounds a bit confusing! Your timescales sound like they have gotten a bit muddled! I would sit down and have a relaxed chat about what you are planning in the next few years. I did think why can’t the 5 year ring be an engagement ring too! My oh have me a ring after 4 years which he said wasn’t an engagement ring, and I still don’t have one 5 years later!!
Or why not combine the travelling with the wedding and have a destination wedding?! That would def make it a memorable trip!!! Or if you get engaged before you go you’ll have plenty of time to think about what you want for your wedding.
Either way, I hope it is soon, hang in there!
Post # 4
@Lilith: I’d say now would be the time to have a frank conversation with him. I’d calmly ask him where he sees you two going because you are ready to take the next step and see where he is. I think 5 years is a long time and it seems like he’s getting all the benefits of being married but he hasn’t had to buy a ring. Or maybe he doesn’t have the money now, but if you’re willing to split half of it then he doesn’t really have an excuse anymore. I’m the same age as you and I’m in the throes of waiting as well….it kind of sucks!
Post # 5
Thanks for all your support!! it’s def confusing. 🙁 The other day I saw on Facebook an ex who got engaged at Xmas who is only 26 and been with his gf for a year less than us And I did a no no and exploded. Became really mean and snappy… Then when I brought it up he was like the more you bring it up the less likely its going to happen! He was like “don’t worry I have a plan like that time you really wanted the MAC Air and it took 6 months then I surprised you with it when you least expected it? Just stop thinking about it!!” which gives me some hope but I know what he’s like because later he will say “it’s not happening until AFTER we get back from traveling” and we were only leaving in Oct… He has also said multiple times its either getting engaged or traveling you need to choose one because I can’t afford both… And it’s true he can’t… Sigh… Waiting is SO painful! especially with mixed signals!
Post # 6
Tough one. If I were you I’d put off the travelling for getting engaged, and try to sell him the idea of transforming the travel plans into a honeymoon. Might put it off a year or so, but if you BOTH truly want to get married, it will happen.
Post # 7
Post # 8
@Sapphire-Dreamer: Thanks, I hope the OP BF goes for it, seems like a win win plan.