(Closed) Help! Waiting is making me sad and crazy!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

A good (older) friend once told me never to consider marrying a man under 30 – just like cheese, they need a bit of time to mature. What’s the rush – watch all those people get married now and divorce again 3-5 years down the line. You’d be surprised how often that happens. Go to their weddings, enjoy the parties, and then sit back and build a solid foundation for your marriage throughout your 20’s without the stresses of married/family life…

Post # 4
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You don’t have to have everything in order to get married – it’s not the crowning achievement of your life, it’s a step among other steps.  Just do it!

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@peonyinlove:  The way I see it, you’re making this way more complicated than you need to. You mention the parents a lot, but you’re both adults. You CAN make the decision to go to the courthouse (or wherever) and just get married. Done and done.

If you want a larger family wedding, then you may have to wait. No one is stopping you from getting married today if you wanted, unless I am missing something here.

Post # 6
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@cherryshake:  +1

@oneofthesethings:  +1

 

OP, it’s so easy to get caught up in playing the comparison game, especially with Facebook and social media.  Just tune it out! It’s not a race to the altar and whoever gets there first isn’t necessarily the one who stays married the longest.

If finances are really a big concern, you need to sit down and figure out a plan before you dive into engagement/marriage.  You don’t need to wait until everything is in order but make sure that you have a plan.

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@peonyinlove:  Regarding the grad school thing, I was there. He simply didn’t have the funds for a ring when we were in school, so he’s currently saving up for it now that we’ve both graduated. Though I would have preferred to get engaged before moving in together, there’s truly no way around it unless your parents are willing to fork over some money or you get part-time jobs.

 

I think a good compromise would be to get engaged soon and have a longer engagement. If you’re planning a wedding overseas, then it wouldn’t be a bad idea to have the extra time. Plus, that way you can still make all the decisions on where to live as an engaged couple while having time to save up for the wedding.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@peonyinlove:  Yup, I guess just depending on the couple and the family situation, you can figure out how much you can stand up to the parents. Neither of our parents will care much if we elope. I think it’s a bit mean for parents to pressure their kids into having huge weddings, or to guilt them if they decide not to go that route. It’s about the couple, IMO, but I do recognize that it’s not always that simple. I feel like if anyone would hold a real grudge against us for eloping, why would we want them in our lives? Family or not. They’ll get over it, basically.

Post # 15
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@peonyinlove:  Being engaged does not make your relationship more significant, or special or even happier. Enjoy what you have now.

Once you are engaged it would be highly stressful to plan a wedding on student incomes and whilst living overseas. If he hates you mentioning the engagement, he probably won’t like talking constantly about a wedding.

Give him a break. Surely you don’t want to nag a proposal out of him. 

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