Help! What do we say in this situation??

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I wouldn’t invite them.  My dad’s feelings come waaaaay before someone’s that treats him like that!  If they haven’t seen youe FH since he was 12, why do they want to see him get married & be in his life now?  No, just no.  I probably wouldn’t respond to the message but I’m not good in the confrontation department haha.  What does your FH think about the situation?   What about your FFIL?

Post # 4
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is between the uncle and FI.  FI is now an adult, he was not involved in this family feud, and strictly speaking, can make his own choice.  I would not be surprised if he  chooses  to discuss it with his father, however. 

 I do wonder if this could this be an opportunity for your FFIL.  You say that he was disowned, but this aunt says it’s your FFIL who doesn’t acknowledge her.  Could there have been some misunderstanding?  It would be nice if your wedding was an opening to some kind of rapproachment. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I wouldn’t invite them. I’d respect FFIL’s wishes. They didn’t see their own brother after he almost died even though they worked in the hospital and have ignored your FI since he was 12 and now she wants an invite to your wedding? F*ck that.

Post # 8
Member
5204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MsYankee:  Since your FI has no relationship with this person I think it’s up to his dad.  Ask his dad and respond as he’d like.

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

That was just beyond… ballsy to message someone on facebook to ask to come to your ceremony. Especially when they’ve made no attempt to have contact with your fiance! What is it about wedding’s that make people come out of the wood work?

I’d just say something simple such as “I apologize but the guest list has already been set.”

The end. You don’t owe her any explanation or story or any other response really

Post # 10
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2005

@MsYankee:  Personally I’d just flat out say no and move on. I mean seriously somebody who ignored their own brother’s heartattack over a very stupid reason is not somebody who I would deem worth my time.

It’s certainly not the most mature route but it’s the one I would take. 

Puuulease, how can they think that it’s okay to ignore your FI for years and years on Christmas, Birthdays, ect but then invite themselves to your wedding? That is crazy rude.  

Post # 11
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sounds like they’re angling for a full invitation by asking for a seemingly small part of the day (IMHO). How rude. Here’s what I’d say if I were your FI:

“I’m sorry, AuntBetch, we’re not able to accomodate you at our wedding.”

Simple. Final. And then I’d ignore any further messages/emotional blackmail she sends.

Also: life is short. These people need to get together and let this go.

Post # 12
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree with everyone else and say NO!  I think she asked you thinking you might be sympathetic towards the situation, hold strong with FI and FFIL’s request there’s clearly a reason why none of them speak and I wouldn’t want to get involved.

Post # 13
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Something along the lines of ”The guest list is already set. As for your troubles with my father, I think it would be more appropriate for you to discuss this matter with him.”

The nerve.

Post # 15
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MsYankee:  I would say something like “We are only inviting close family and friends.” Or just “No, sorry.” Why the f should he be invited when he hasn’t cared about anything else in your FI’s life? I can’t believe they have the nerve to ask that in the first place. And if they get offended, who cares? It’s not like they have a good relationship that might get damaged. I can’t get over how rude people become when weddings are involved.

Post # 16
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

He doesn’t really have a relationship with these relatives, so it is weird that the aunt would even message him about wanting to be at the ceremony.

Two of my mom’s brothers and some of my cousins will not be invited.  The two brothers have been absolute assholes to my mom and I just don’t really have a relationship with those cousins.  If anyone contacts me about not being invited I will just explain that close family will be there, and I don’t have a close relationship with them.

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