Post # 1
I’m sure most of you know my back story by now SO wants to wait til his 25 year mortgage is paid off before getting married…we’re in our late 20s and don’t beleive in kids before marriage, we both want kids….
Fast forward to three nights ago when SO tells me he is actively saving for my engagement ring (out of the blue!). He then said he was saving for everything we want for the future (so…the mortgage too lol)
Then two nights ago he said: “Btw, when are we getting married? Only if we do it in summer I’ll sneeze my head off cos of my hayfever and if it’s winter the weather will suck”
Then last night he said: “we can’t get married anywhere dusty I’ll sneeze”
He just started conversations with these sudden statements…he’s moving stuff again isn’t he???? We weren’t supposed to be getting engaged for another year according to him…
Post # 3
Have you had a serious talk with him about getting married? It doesn’t really seem fair that you two aren’t on the same page with a marriage timeline. I sounds like he put the ball in your court by asking when you’ll get married. Now’s the chance to tell him what YOU want!
Post # 4
@redheadem: He only meant in terms of season – hense the end of his sentence. I really struggle with it because he knows I want to marry him and he has always said “in the future” but he’s not really saying that now. I don’t want to confront him and scare him off (he’s unbelieveabily nervous about deep meaningful stuff- he just avoids it cos he has not confidence in himself as a person despite me telling him daily that he’s gorgeous and I love him).
Last night we were watching Don’t tell the Bride US and I said how a wedding was one of the biggest things for a girl and he said: “oh I know, believe me I know”
I could be fooling myself but I wonder if he’s psychingup to proposing…I’m probably waaaay off but who knows
Post # 5
I think you need to sit him down and have a heart to heart. Be HONEST and tell him that he keeps randomly having marriage convos with you but you are not 100% about your plan. Ask him what is the plan so you all can be on the same accord. Communication is key in any relationship, no matter what stage you are at.
Post # 6
Personally, I wouldn’t give a sh$t about him being scared. If this is something that you want, why in the world wouldn’t you just approach him and get an answer? The fact that he hasn’t and has been putting things before you and it, is pretty telling. Man up, and get it done, girl!
Post # 7
@Solar 40: He says he wants it to be a surprise, hense “before you are 30” being all he will say about getting engaged. He says it’ll lose something if he says “we will get engaged in August 16th” etc
Post # 8
@ohmybears48: Lol I like your spirit :-). He was hurt in the past (was 2 months off being engaged to someone else when we met – he was planning to propose but she dumped him 2 months before the hol he was going to propose on, I met him the week before he wasdue to go on the hol)
Post # 9
It sounds like maybe he wants to make sure you get the wedding that you dream of, without worrying about spending the money on a 6 hour party when there are more responsible expenses like a mortgage to spend that money on? It’s a responsible POV, albeit a bummer :(. Sounds like he definitely wants to marry you, and doesn’t want you to think otherwise and is comfortable having these discussions without any real timeline other than “after the mortgage is paid off”. Just tell him that if you’re not going to be planning a wedding right now, then you don’t want to have these discussions because they are misleading. Or, just agree to have a smaller wedding that he’s comfortable with having simultaneously with paying off the mortgage!