Weddingbee boards

Let me just start off by saying I'm very much anti-nanny, baby nurse etc, but sometimes it helps to have help to keep you your healthiest. My Mum was a post-natal Doula before she became a full time foster mom. Basically her job was to help you get as much quality time with your new little one as possible. However she's trained and certified in everything from best soothing techniques for colic to what to do for sore nipples to newborn CPR and literally everything in between. Some of the moms she worked for wanted her to be hands on with the baby, assist with feedings, changing, naps etc and some did not. Some wanted her there to help with the laundry and cooking and to have her around in case they needed someone who was trained and certified on hand for the advice or help. You never know what you're going to need help with or what the baby's habits will be until the baby is here. IF you don't have family members or friends around who can help you out sometimes its great to have someone like my mum, someone who has references and is trained and certified, to just simply be able to take a shower and know the baby will be in good hands. A lot of the times she was hired after the husband had to go back to work, if there was only a smaller amount of time off available for the husband to take sometimes she was hired from day 1 it just varied. There are also some Doulas who are a little more pushy than others and have very specific beliefs my Mum was one that believes each mother makes her own choices on how involved the Doula should or should not be so if you decide to go that route it's important to interview extensively and get lots of references, there are different styles and methods. If anyone is interested I can get the info from my Mum on where to find the networks and stuff for the certified Doulas in your area.

Oh and just to add there is no set rule sometimes Doulas are hired to live with the family sometimes they don't. My Mum never lived with any families. There were offers but she never took them however, her phone was always available should they need a question answered. Babies don't really care what time it is and a new parent might worry about something that has an easy answer at any time day or night. As far as cost there was some cases where she was there every day for 8 hours and sometimes where she would just come for 4 hours a day so it really depends and I think because you're in NYC it's a bit pricey than average because even here in LA that seems a bit steep but then again, I'm not exactly sure what a baby nurse is? Is it actually a nurse, an actual RN? That price would make sense but I'm not sure the need for an RN seems a bit over the top when you probably need more help with the cooking and cleaning and more time to bond with the baby.

Ok just talked to my Mum and got some info for you girls. CAPPA which stands for Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association is at www.cappa.net. There is a find a birth professional tab on the left hand side of the page. It seems pretty self explanatory and should help you find what you're after. The other organization is DONA International, their at www.dona.org, not sure what it stands for but you can look at both sites for more info on what they're about and find mission statements etc. Both of these sites are 100% legit and certified and to be listed with them you need to go through training testing and certification processes.

There are prenatal Doula's which are similar to midwives and there are postpartum Doula's (or postnatal) that's the one you're looking for for after care. Don't get discouraged if you don't find any postpartum doula's in your area, they are a bit harder to come by than the prenatal Doula and you can always contact the prenatal doula's and ask if they know of anyone who is going through the certification process curently or just hasn't listed themselves with the sites yet.

Any questions let me know and I can pass them onto my Mum.

My mom is going to drive out about a week after the baby is born and stay for two weeks. She will NOT be staying with us, she's renting a cute little place about five minutes away. She really wanted to come out sooner and be here for the birth (as did some of my husband's family) but I had to say no to all of them. My husband only gets a week off of work and we want that time to bond as a family, after that I know I'm going to want some help and company, thus my mom's visit.

I think it really depends on exactly what you think you'll need help with. For me, I would not hire a "baby nurse," or want anyone to do anything with my baby. I think in the beginning is when mom and baby are supposed to learn how to be with one another.

I mean, new babys don't need that much. They eat, sleep, poop, and that's about it. New moms should be resting, bonding with baby, and napping when baby naps too, so I guess, for me, I have a hard time grasping the idea that all this extra help is needed. Additionally, I don't think I'd feel okay with an unknown person (and their germs!) coming in and out of my home and being around my new baby.

Of all my friends with kids, I really don't know anyone who had a lot of help, other than a husband/mom/friends making dinners and cleaning. I think this whole "baby nurse" trend is really just about having it because you can, not necessarily because it's a huge NEED.

Now, when it comes to cleaning, making meals, runniing errands, etc. to me THAT is the area that someone can help in and I think you could really hire anyone to do that, if you needed to. In my case, I made tons of frozen dinners ('cause XH couldn't cook) as part of my "nesting" and then XH did all the cleaning (for a bit). I didnt' really have to DO anything, but nurse and change the baby, and rest.

So, maybe if you figure out exactly what you think you might need help with it will be easier for you to make your decision. 

I think the whole idea

My mom lived a few hours away but came to stay wtih me for about 5 days. I had an emergency c-section and had difficulty getting up and down the stairs for hte first 3 days so she helped out by getting things downstairs while I was upstairs with the baby. By the third day htough I was already getting up and down the stairs. i really appreciated the help - but was super excited to do things on my own as well. I dont think i would have wanted help more than that - but everyone is different.

Our pseudo plan...

My hubby has 2 full weeks off work and then will do 2 part time weeks.  For the first two weeks it'll be just him and I bonding with the little one and creating our own 'parenting style'.  We do have friends who have offered to sign up to provide some meals during that time which I know will be helpful!

My mom will come visit hopefully when hubby starts going back to work.  Probably for 2 weeks.  Maybe longer.  Maybe for one week chunks.  She'll be here to help out and spend time with her 'baby' and 'grandbaby' ;)  Do I NEED her.. probably not.  But it'll def make things a little easier for me to have help with food, dishes, laundry, my own napping and showing etc!

I have told my mom that if anything happens during delivery like a c-section or other reason I'd have a harder/longer recovery we may 'call in the troops' sooner :)

Even with my mom coming I think we'll be budgeting extra money for that month to have a housekeeper come weekly or every two weeks.  That'll be one less thing we have to worry about.

Honestly - I think it's great when couples can have 'extra' help... but defintely not a neccesity.  Couples have babies ALL the time with no family close by :)  If you can afford it - then having help with cleaning in meals is an added bonus!