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I'm three weeks away from my wedding and trying to figure this out as well, here are some tips from http://www.frugalbride.com/tipping.html
This has been discussed several times. Here are some links to help you out.
I too am having a lot of family members help out, and while I don't plan to give them $$ I do plan on getting them each a small gift to show my appreciation even a written thank you note will be extremely appreciated.
Photographers, you generally dont tip them if its their own business, but you could always tip the assistants.
The owner I would probably only tip if you feel she goes above and beyond.
http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/12/18/tipping-guide/
http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/09/11/open-question-tipping/
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-much-to-tip-the-priest
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-to-tip
Hope that helps!
Thanks so far. What about the band members? My uncle offered their services, and while I feel strange giving him money, should I tip the other 2 members who I don't know? Also, just remembered these guys: what about the 2 bartenders that I have to pay my reception site for? Should I personally tip them, or just leave that to the guests who may tip them (its an open bar)?
And I thought I was going to get off the hook with tipping...
Pinwheel_Pinched_Banquet_Chair_Cover-_.jpg (22.5 KB, 45 downloads) 2 years old Satin_and_Taffeta_Fashion_Chair_Covers.jpg (35.1 KB, 52 downloads) 2 years old 
I'd chat with your uncle about the band, and what might be some nice gesture for them. For our band (family friend) we paid a reduced fee, but also made sure they had plenty of food, a quiet break table, and a few extra bottles of alcohol, which made them very happy. Your uncle probably knows them pretty well and could suggest a restaurant or music store or some other place they frequent where you could get a little gift card, or maybe some physical item they might like. Even just a nice thank you to send to each of them afterward would suffice...in my opinion it's more about the acknowledgement and thanks than the money spent.
I'm guessing that since yours is a special situation, and you are using family for much of the preparations, money is an issue. I personally wouldn't tip any family members.. I would assume they are helping out of love.. a nice thank-you gift would probably be a good gesture.. on maybe a thank you brunch after the wedding.
I would definitely tip the photogs and the lady who owns the reception site, if she will be helping a great deal, if your florist is a friend.. I would just invite her to the thank you brunch or give her a thank you gift.. if you don't know her that well I would tip her.
I definitely dont think any of your friends/family will expect anything from you in return since they will already know your special situations regarding the wedding... but like I said above, showing your thanks would be appreciated by them!!
These are just my opinions. hope they help! Good luck!
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Our wedding is a special situation and much etiquette has been thrown out the window due to this. It is going to be a very family affair, with my parents and family friends providing/making the food and my uncle's band providing music. Also, a family friend is doing the flowers for us, but she is not available the day off, so will be dropping everything off at my house the day before. I am not hiring a DOC but have hired professional photographers. Our reception location is run by the owner (it is a historic barn) so I know she will be helping a great deal with the day off set up.
We already know we need to give our priest a monetary "gift", but who else should we tip? Do we tip the photograhers? The lady who runs the reception location? My florist the day before? Personally, I feel uncomfortable giving monetary "thank yous" to the family and friends who are helping us, but is it appropriate/expected? Thanks!