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Help! Who to tip??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
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    34 posts
    Newbee
    jeffreysgirl4ever    May 30, 2009   Chino, CA

    Our wedding is a special situation and much etiquette has been thrown out the window due to this.  It is going to be a very family affair, with my parents and family friends providing/making the food and my uncle's band providing music.  Also, a family friend is doing the flowers for us, but she is not available the day off, so will be dropping everything off at my house the day before.  I am not hiring a DOC but have hired professional photographers.  Our reception location is run by the owner (it is a historic barn) so I know she will be helping a great deal with the day off set up. 

    We already know we need to give our priest a monetary "gift", but who else should we tip?  Do we tip the photograhers?  The lady who runs the reception location?  My florist the day before?  Personally, I feel uncomfortable giving monetary "thank yous" to the family and friends who are helping us, but is it appropriate/expected?  Thanks!

     

     
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    Busy bee
    Chela429    3/29/09   Long Island, NY

    I'm three weeks away from my wedding and trying to figure this out as well, here are some tips from http://www.frugalbride.com/tipping.html

     
    3.
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    770 posts
    Busy bee
    MissCamera    August 1, 2009   Upstate NY

    This has been discussed several times. Here are some links to help you out.

    I too am having a lot of family members help out, and while I don't plan to give them $$ I do plan on getting them each a small gift to show my appreciation even a written thank you note will be extremely appreciated.

    Photographers, you generally dont tip them if its their own business, but you could always tip the assistants.

    The owner I would probably only tip if you feel she goes above and beyond.

     http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/12/18/tipping-guide/

    http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/09/11/open-question-tipping/

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-much-to-tip-the-priest

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-to-tip

     

    Hope that helps!

     
    4.
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    Newbee
    jeffreysgirl4ever    May 30, 2009   Chino, CA

    Thanks so far.  What about the band members?  My uncle offered their services, and while I feel strange giving him money, should I tip the other 2 members who I don't know?  Also, just remembered these guys:  what about the 2 bartenders that I have to pay my reception site for?  Should I personally tip them, or just leave that to the guests who may tip them (its an open bar)? 

    And I thought I was going to get off the hook with tipping...

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    Bumble bee
    MerryC    September 2008   WA

    I'd chat with your uncle about the band, and what might be some nice gesture for them.  For our band (family friend) we paid a reduced fee, but also made sure they had plenty of food, a quiet break table, and a few extra bottles of alcohol, which made them very happy.  Your uncle probably knows them pretty well and could suggest a restaurant or music store or some other place they frequent where you could get a little gift card, or maybe some physical item they might like.  Even just a nice thank you to send to each of them afterward would suffice...in my opinion it's more about the acknowledgement and thanks than the money spent.

     

     
    6.
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    Blushing bee
    lilcfitness    4/4/09   Edmond, OK

    I'm guessing that since yours is a special situation, and you are using family for much of the preparations, money is an issue. I personally wouldn't tip any family members.. I would assume they are helping out of love.. a nice thank-you gift would probably be a good gesture.. on maybe a thank you brunch after the wedding.

    I would definitely tip the photogs and the lady who owns the reception site, if she will be helping a great deal, if your florist is a friend.. I would just invite her to the thank you brunch or give her a thank you gift.. if you don't know her that well I would tip her.

     

    I definitely dont think any of your friends/family will expect anything from you in return since they will already know your special situations regarding the wedding... but like I said above, showing your thanks would be appreciated by them!!

    These are just my opinions. hope they help! Good luck!

     

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