Post # 1
I"m getting married 9-19-09 and I have 2 very close friends so since one was married i’m having a maid of honor and a matron of honor. A few months ago my matron came to me and told me she was pregnant and due a month before my wedding. I expressed how happy i was. Well she got mad at me and said i didn’t sound happy enough for her (I’m not a person to show a ton of excitement). That was a big amount of drama and i appologized until i was blue in the face for something i didn’t think was that wrong (she is my best friend and knows my personality).
But anyways now she is all baby baby baby and that is all i hear. Before she got pregnant she wanted to help and be involved in my wedding. I ask her about her pregnancy and show support to her…but nothing in return. She never asks about my wedding, and the few bridal expos she told me she would attend she bails the day before…or "forgets" on the day of. I even passed up on the bridemaids shoes i wanted bc they weren’t comfortable for her. I told her i was upset that she is ignoring my wedding ever since she found out she’s pregnant. She didn’t think so and told me i was being insensitive to her pregnancy. I feel that she thinks it should be all about her. Because she does not seem to care much about me or my wedding i want to demote her. I would like her in my wedding…but i would like to demote her to a bm and not a moh…is that wrong??? I’m so stressed over this…any advice????
Post # 3
hi there. my BFF and also Matron of Honor found out she was prenant right after my engagement. We discussed showing up for each other in the midst of such big life changing events. we had a very healthy conversation and discussed when she would feel comfortable getting her dress, I planned and coordinated her baby shower and things have gone very smoothly. There is mutual excitement. Relationships are give and take. I suggest sitting down with your friend, have some coffee and ask how you can support her in her pregnancy. Ask about her baby shower and what you can do to show up for her. In my expirience when I make myself available for my friends, they will do the same for me. dont hold it in. communication is key.
Post # 4
Is she normally a center of attention kind of person? If so, it was probably uncomfortable for her to take a back seat to you as you plan your wedding. (Not that that’s right.) Then when she found out she was pregnant she really jumped on the "It’s about me again" train.
Was wedding planning getting too much for her? Were you talking wedding all day every day? Was getting pregnant difficult for her? Is it her first pregnancy? If she isn’t normally an attention hog, I’m just trying to think about why she would seem this demanding and insensitive to you.
I know you must be worried about dong anything drastic, as it could effect your friendship. Maybe you can take a breather then talk to her. See how she feels about the wedding at this point.
Also, there might be pregnancy issues by 8 months. Tons of people are on bed rest or deliver early, or feel too swollen by that point. You get so big so fast at that point, I don’t if she’ll be able to successfully fit into her dress. Do you have a plan if she has to bails close to the wedding?
Post # 5
In short, yes, it is wrong. I bet one of your Bridesmaid or Best Man would love to step up and take a more active role in helping you. Unless you wish to destroy your friendship with your Maid/Matron of Honor, you cannot demote her. If she was a good enough friend to ask to be your Maid/Matron of Honor she will likely do what she can to step up, but you also have to realize that she has a lot going on in her life and may not be able to meet all of your needs; pregnant or not that may be the case with any Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 6
Thank you everyone for all your comments. I invited my friend over tonight and we talked. I was good. I told her how I feel and that I would like her to be more involved because she’s important to me and I want her to be a part of all this. I explained I am happy for her and understand how exciting all this is to her and that I want to be there for her also. I think all will be good now. She said sorry and so did I…I feel much better and can breath easy. Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts and support.
Post # 7
Oh wow, I guess I got to this post too late. I’m really glad you were able to talk to your friend and it seems like things were left with you being happy about her still being your Maid/Matron of Honor.