Post # 1
Unfortunately I have a bridesmaid that might have to leave our party. Not because she hasn’t done anything (she hasn’t but I don’t expect her to), but because of the drama she has gone through and causes since accepting her post. She is going through a bankruptcy, lost her job (twice), got engaged to a guy who also lost his job, has yet to tell her parents over a year later she is engaged, and even when she had a job was concerned about finding money for her dress. She also continually posts nasty notes on facebook about how she hates that everyone (I can only assume me) is excited about getting married and she is upset because she can’t afford to elope. I am planning on having a heart ot heart with her and ask her if she is still interested in being my bridesmaid and let it be her call. But if she is behind me I need her to really be behind me and stop the drama.
Post # 3
You’re doing the right thing by sitting down and talking to her. But I have to say, if she is posting that on her FB wall and it IS directed at you, that’s a crappy friend. I wouldn’t want her in my wedding party if she’s doing that.
That being said, she is having a very rough time with everything. Her comments probably aren’t directed at you (I really hope not) and she may just need a sympathetic ear. Let us know how it goes.
Post # 4
To be honest, it sounds like she’s been through a lot, and none of it really has anything to do with you. I think you’re assuming that the nasty FB messages are about you, but try not to read into them as them being about you. She sounds like she’s just frustrated that things in her life aren’t working out for her. I would cut her a little slack and not mention anything unless she does to you.
Post # 5
It sounds like she has a lot going on in her life, and is probably feeling jealous that you are able to plan your wedding while she isn’t, which is totally understandable. She probably needs a good friend right now.
The FB thing isn’t cool, but is it possible it wasn’t directed at you, but just a venting of frustrations? It’s hard to watch people around you have things that you want, even if you don’t begrudge them for it. Is she normally passive aggressive like that?
I’d talk to her, but don’t go in there guns blazing, so to speak. She probably really needs someone to talk to.
Post # 6
@2PeasinaPod: True but I don’t want to reach a point were it is two months before the wedding and she backs out.
Post # 7
If you really want her as a bridesmaid, could you offer to help her with the costs? Or do you think it’s just best you asked her to step down?
Post # 8
@thejill: I would be more than willing to help her with the costs and am sort of planning on it. However I do want her support and want her to be happy for me. I worry she might just be happier to not be involved. She accepted the post over a year ago, and alot has changed between then and now.
Post # 9
@SomethingFishy: That’s really kind of you. Maybe she just wants to know that you’re being considerate of her situation. The FB post may not be directed at you, but just in general because she can’t be “at that place” right now. Hopefully though, if she knows you’re doing what you can to make sure she is there for you, she will in turn be there for you as well 🙂
Post # 10
Ugh, some days…
So, I offered to get her dress and even to pay her to make things I might need so she has some income. Sounded like a great plan. But apparently now she is upset.had post on Facebook that it was horribly embarrassing that she can’t afford these things.
I guess the best path forward is to ignore it? I was never going to tell a soul about me getting her dress but now the world knows.
Post # 11
Sounds like with everything that has happened she might be depressed. My 17 year old daughter suffers from depression and some days it doesn’t matter what you try to do to help her she just thinks negatively about it. She posts stuff like that on her fb too…I don’t even think she realizes she’s doing it until after the fact when she’s out of the ‘funk’ and then has to deal with the aftereffects. I went through mild depression during my divorce too…makes you respond in very strange ways sometimes.
Hopefully she pulls out of this and realizes that you are only trying to help. Maybe try explaining to her that you weren’t going to tell anyone and if she thinks it will make her feel better consider it a loan until things turn around for her no matter how long.
Post # 12
don’t feel like that post is about you …. i get upset too sometimes about seeing everyone so excited about their weddings. Being that she hasn’t told her parents – she must not feel like she can and she’s probably upset about that. Its hard to be engaged with little money and little support. I feel for her.
If you have the money and still want her in your wedding – offer to pay for her dress and w/e else she’s supposed to pay for as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. My sister is going through bankruptcy and is losing her house right now and is very stressed out from all of that… and she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my sisters wedding last month and she lives across the country… My mom doesn’t have a lot of money but she paid to fly the 4 of them out and she paid for the bm dress and flower girl dress for her daughter so she could still be in the wedding because it wouldn’t be the same without her.
Post # 13
SomethingFishy: Oh K so let me get this straight . She is embarrased by the fact she cannot pay for her dress but SHE decided to post it all over FB??? Is it just me or does it seem like this girl is screaming for attention? I would never post anything on FB I was already embarrased about
Post # 14
I’m SURE these nasty things one facebook do not reflect the true personality of your friend.
I would have a heart to heart to her and not talk about your wedding at all. See how she is feeling. Do not tell her anything like “If you can’t be in the wedding anymore I understand” because it will seem like you are trying to give her an “out”. If she brings it up, tell her that you can try to figure out a way to keep her in it. Have you picked out a dress yet? Maybe she can find one secondhand, or you all can find something that is on the lower end of the price range.
She needs a friend, not a bride.
Post # 15
I don’t think anything she’s done warrants you kicking her out of your wedding party. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel to be standing up for someone on their wedding day when you can’t be excited about your own wedding? That has to be tough. Sure she’s acting out in all the wrong ways but she might not have any other avenues to vent her frustration and pain. Sit her down and talk to her about what’s going on in her life, not about your wedding. Tell her you love her and support her because she’s your friend and you don’t want to see her hurting but don’t make this all about you.
As a PP said, she needs a friend, not a bride.
Post # 16
I think you have an excellent opportunity to strengthen your friendship by just listening to her. If she’s already having trouble seeing everything fall together perfectly for you while she’s going through joblessness and bankruptcy (really, those things are about as opposite of wedding happy as you can get) the last thing she wants is a reminder of the position she’s in. I know that in your own little world (we all have one) you want everything to be perfect and magical and will go through leaps and bounds to make sure the bows are tied right and the colors all match perfectly and everybody will love the food and the music and the flowers, but it really is a little world. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I love you and I want to help but I don’t know how” might go a long way in this situation.