Help with diffusing hurt feelings over not getting an invite to wedding…

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

Ourfirstdaughterswedding:  They shouldn’t have sent out announcements but what’s done is done.

People realize they aren’t invited when they don’t get an invite. No need to send out uninvitations.

If people ask, let them know it’s a small, intimate ceremony with immediate family only.

I’m having one of these types of weddings as well and I will NOT budge on who is invited. People will get over it.

Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Is there any way you can help the couple on the budget end in order to invite a few more people that might be key? Otherwise, when people ask about the wedding details and if they’re invited just explain to them that the couple is having a very intimate wedding with just a few immediate family members and friends. Maybe the couple can have a low-key celebration after their honeymoon so that those that were not invited can still celebrate their marriage?

Post # 4
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ourfirstdaughterswedding:  That is tough, my mother would be pretty upset too. If money is not the issue, maybe ask the bride and groom if the like they idea of having brunch with the uninvited guests the day after the wedding, or something along those lines, so that everyone is somehow included.

If they say no, then just simply explain to those guests that the bride and groom wanted to keep it intimate and wish they could have been apart of it but it was just not possible. Keep it that simple. You will be surprised how many people will understand. Good luck and congrats to your daughter.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Kendrao.
Post # 5
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

Try to stay out of it other than letting people know it is a small intimate ceremony when you are asked directly.

Post # 6
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Ourfirstdaughterswedding:  well, it clearly bothers you more than it does the bride and groom, so if they are ok with it, you could always host a cocktail party afterwards to celebrate with those who weren’t invited. I would not send notes, but if people asked about an invite, I’d say “the bride and groom prefer to keep the wedding as small and intimate as possible, but we will be having a celebration at our home with everyone in the next month or two and we would love it if you could come”.  

Post # 7
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think if people ask you you should direct them to your daughter, it is her wedding and she can have as many or as few people as she wants but I don’t think you should have to be the bearer of bad news.

I wouldn’t send out non-invitations. you might consider holding a brunch for the married couple a few weeks after just so people can congratulate them

Post # 8
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

pinkrose23:  Is there any way you can help the couple on the budget end in order to invite a few more people that might be key?

She already said it has nothing to do with money. The couple wants a very small wedding. Trying to strongarm them into anything else by offering them money is not a good idea.

Post # 10
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

playdohpants:  I’m sorry, I was only trying to offer advice. Thanks for jumping on it to correct me though!

Post # 11
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would ask your daughter if she is open to having a nice celebratory brunch or dinner with the people she had sent the announcements to. 

And like the other PPs have said, just inform people verbally (if they ask) that the bride & groom are planning a small and intimate ceremony. 

Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Definitely tell people, whether its you who calls them or your daughter they have to be informed. I have a lot of distant family assuming they’re coming to my wedding and they’re not, when they call my parents to ask for info my mom directs them to me.

We had 3 seperate families just show up at my sisters wedding last year and it was really embarrassing because there was simple no room for 20 extra people…. tell them before it gets worse

Post # 13
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

Good for you helping them pay for it but not dictating the guest list btw!  You should check with your daughter before promising any of these people a post wedding party.  Since based on her choice of having a small wedding she might not want a big reception/party later.

Post # 14
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

I agree with others just mention that it is a small intimate wedding 

Post # 15
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t see the problem. Just tell people that they are having an intimate wedding. We invited 42 guests and split the guest list down the middle. Immediate family and close friends only. Money wasn’t the issue, we just wanted a semi-formal intimate affair. Most people understand when you tell them that. You don’t need to mention anything else. 

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