Post # 1
Ok so my FI and I are getting married in his hometown in Texas. We curretly live and will be living in my hometown in Washington state. We are on a budget and can’t afford to ship any or at least not very many gifts home after the wedding. Additionally, we will be flying with my 6 and 4 year old kids. So we will have a ton of stuff to carry back as it is. I know asking for monetary gifts is tacky, but I really don’t see a way around it. There will be some people that just can’t show up empty handed and I don’t want them to feel awkward but we just can’t afford the shipping.
Any ideas on how to break the news?
Post # 3
Basically, you don’t have a registry. And you instruct your immediate family members to tell anyone who asks that because of the transportation issues, people either need to give money or to have items sent to your home.
Post # 4
We are trying to figure out the same thing. Some guests have told me that they are going to get us gift cards. Hopefully they will have all the gifts that they purchase shipped directly to our home, but we are preparing to rent a SUV to drive home.
Post # 5
I disagree with 2ndbride. I think you SHOULD have a registry (if there are things you actually need/want). Hope that most people know that they should NOT bring gifts to a wedding (ever) and will send things directly to you home. If they do bring giftst to the wedding you can return them easily to most stores and get credit to rebuy things back home. I know this adds some extra steps for you, but I think it will probably be easiest. If you don’t register you risk getting things that you can not return if they are given at the wedding. Also, have you thought of doing a honeymoon registry…this might help avoid some of the actual gifts. If you do register be sure to do it at stores that you have locally and are available in area where you are getting married. Also, be sure they have good return policies.
Post # 6
We’re driving from TX to IN and back for our out-of-state wedding so that we can bring presents back with us!
Post # 7
Wow thanks for the help Bees. Driving back is out of the question since my FI can only get 5 days off. I wish we could because I think it would be fun. I think we will register and have his sister spread the word about no gifts needed at the wedding. At first I wasn’t going to register because we live together now but not for very long since he has been deployed for amost a full year and most of our stuff is actually my stuff. It would be nice to get things that are for us. Thanks for the help ladies.
Post # 8
@MzMarzipan: Oh ben and jerry’s marzipan is soooooo yummy. can’t eat any right now because I need to fit the dress. However, at my current rate of walking and eating right I think my dress will be too big. So maybe a little won’t hurt. LOL
Post # 9
Have someone spread the word on your behalf, don’t put it in writing anywhere. And I agree that setting up a registry is actually a good idea for people who want to buy you an actual gift because you can actually have the ship-to address WA.
We had the same problem, live in NYC wedding in Philly and were going straight to our honeymoon right after the wedding. So we set up some small registries with the ship-to address as our parents house (we also can’t get packages at our address) and spread the word that we really would prefer cash and didn’t want gifts at the wedding.
It totally didn’t work. So many people brought big gift boxes to our wedding, I was floored. While I appreciate getting a gift, I was wondering what these people were thinking – obviously it is a huge imposition on us to do it this way and we offered so many easier alternatives for everyone. I know I’m just going to sound ungrateful saying so, but it’s the truth.
Post # 10
I think the best way is to not register and if people ask about it just have your family members tell them about the transportation issue and that a card would be better.
People don’t always know that they shouldn’t bring gifts to a reception and instead should have them mailed to the couple’s home. In fact, most people here in my midwest circle don’t know that at all! Everyone brought their gift to my reception. Only the couple of guests at our wedding that were originally from a big city like Chicago, actually had the gifts mailed to our house.
So counting on the fact that people “should know”, as mzmarzipan suggested above, is going to cause a lot of problems in my opinion.
Post # 11
I would just not create a registry. A lot of people will just naturally opt to give you cash, since they don’t know what you guys need/want. I don’t know if its a regional thing or not, but most people don’t bring gifts to weddings anymore. A lot of people sent them to us before and after the wedding. The cards were the only thing they brought. I’d bring an empty duffle, just in case.
Post # 12
We have a similar-ish situation: we’ll be married in upstate NY, I’m moving to OH right after the wedding. We are registered at 3 places (pottery barn, macy’s, crate&barrel) since it’s our first time living together so we need stuff (like woooah!) does anyone know if you can ask a registry to hold sending gifts until a certain date? FI’s been getting packages in OH but he’s not home during the day and we don’t want them shipped to NYC where I live b/c there’s no room in the car to move them….
Post # 13
@amariem25: Yeah – maybe its a midwestern thing because people almost always bring the gifts to the weddings I’ve been to (although almost all of my FI’s southern family is planning on doing the same thing too). We’ve had a couple (maybe half a dozen) gifts sent to us beforehand (but two of those were from non-attendees).
Post # 14
I think it’s best to ask guest to send gifts directly to the home, maybe you can see if the store your register at can put a special message on the regirsty so when people go to purchase they will be reminded that its best to ship direct
Post # 15
If you have a wedding website, you can put a little note on the registry page saying that you prefer to have gifts shipped to your home in WA.
Post # 16
What my friend did for her registry and I will do for mine as well, since I am getting married 200 miles away from where we are living. You can register, and then the stores will put on the registry online or when they go into the store that gifts must be sent to the recipeients home. My FI cousin did the same thing, since a lot of the family was from out of town. We bought her gift on target.com and it mailed right to her house. It was amazing, and we didn’t have a hassle of travelling with glass cook ware and she didn’t have a hassle with getting them from the reception to their home before the honeymoon!!!
Hope that helps!