- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I need advice help…this will be a little long!
So background is that my parents and FI parents are giving us $5000 each. So our wedding budget is $10,000 for all guest expenses…honeymoon, rings, bridal party presents etc are out of FI and I’s pocket.
We told everyone from the beginning this will be a smallish (75 people max) wedding as anything larger we can’t afford/don’t want and will elope.
Got a great deal on a brand new venue and when we went to book we did a guest list to ensure our numbers would would in this small facility. FMIL and my mother made their additions and deletions and we all agreed. During this process, FMIL tried adding tons of people and my FFIL (bless his heart) said “Why do they want people they have never met at their wedding? If anyone is offended, blame it on the venue size since it is small”. Everyone has about a third and FMIL actually at this stage had 4 more couples then my parents.
As a side, we gave FMIL and my parents the choice of adding up to 10 people extra on top of their approved family list (so this would be people only they know…as we had the rule with the guestlist that if we do not actually know them, they can’t come) so these 10 people were there “Mulligans” and they only had to pay for their meals for $100 a head. Everyone agreed to this and seemed very happy. My mother is inviting a few of her girlfriends and using her Mulligans…totally fine.
Well my FMIL brings up last night at a family dinner that “her” guest list that she generated for FI’s brothers recent wedding was already done (FI’s brother let her invite whoever since it was an out of town wedding and almost noone came). She shows me “her” guestlist and its 55 people. We are having 75 max. Seriously!!!!! I tried nicely reminding her about the list she already approved and that these additions would not work and she brushed me off saying she “had to invite them as to no offend”. They are all her 1st cousins and “if you invite only one of the many couples, the others will be so hurt and offended”…FYI I have only met 2-3 of these like 12 couples in the 9 years FI and I dated…the 2-3 are on OUR list…the balance is on FMIL list.
I told her to exercise her Mulligans but she says “I should not have to pay extra for people who should have been on the guest list all along”.
I told FI and he was pissed off and said “when the time comes to actually send invites, he will nip this”. He usually handles it and I know he will handle his mother but I feel bad cause she is off making plans AND INVITING PEOPLE ON HER LIST that are not on ours and I just don’t want this to turn into a runaway train.
We are about 3 months away from actually having to finalize a guestlist for our save the dates.
Should i just let her goand let FI deal with it in a few months or should I get FI to address it now?
Thanks for the help!