First I agree with the other Bees, this is HIS Mother… so he needs to be the one who PRIMARY deals with his side of the Family when their is a dispute (Part of being a good Partner is having the other person’s back)
That said, I can feel your frustration… so I know “sort of how you feel”
I however would not send an email… I wouldn’t put anything in writing… because as another Bee mentioned, it sounds like she would enjoy waving it in your face later on down the road
In my first Marriage (Circa 1980) I was a very progressive woman who kept my own name “for Business Matters” (another words, it was my LEGAL NAME)
And yes I got a lot of ribbing from his side of the family… so be it.
In reality, ya know it is just a name (now don’t get me wrong… I GET that it is YOUR NAME)… but in an essence it is just a name… as they say “a Rose by any other name, is still a Rose”
I mean honestly… how often are you going to have to attend to Legal or Business Matters with your Inlaws… and even if you were there are ways around this ridiculous problem*
I’d just let her believe that you are NOW Mrs. or Ms. Gems … if she squacks you can tell her you are Mrs. Jewels Gems… having “assumed” your Husband’s Surname as your own
Little know fact… “technically” in America one “assumes” their Husband’s Surname… one doesn’t actually LEGALLY CHANGE THEIR NAME like is done in other countries / situations (when you Legally Change… they give you a whole new Birth Certificate to reflect your NEW Legal Name… usually with a notation on it that says NEE – Jewels)
I guess I don’t see this to be a big a deal as some women. Especially women who are just about to marry, or have just married.
Because I was married for 20+ years the first time, and let me tell you over the years as a woman keeping your own name, you’ll be called many things… (as will your Hubby)
There will people who think you still unmarried = Miss Jewels
As an independent Female = Ms. Jewels
Married and Your Surname is Jewels = Mrs. Jewels
Won’t know you chose not to change your name = Mrs. Gems
This one is most prone to happen when you have kids, especially so if they take their Father’s Last Name
And some people will HEAR you didn’t change your name, but still be confused, and end up calling you Ms. Jewels-Gems or Mrs. Jewels-Gems
Lol, and just for variety, when people who only know you, and have never met your Hubby before he’ll get the occasional Mr. Jewels
It is what it is… you can politely correct people “Actually I kept my name, I am Ms. Jewels”
Or you may find in time you just won’t bother with the hassle of explaining… and just graciously accept to be Mrs. Gems socially when need be (makes it way easier when there are kids in the picture for sure with fellow Classmates etc … Bobby Gems Mom = Mrs. Gems)
Hope this helps,
* Legal Issues – You may find that it pays to contact your Bank for example that you are BOTH Ms. Jewels & Mrs. Gems, then if your Inlaws decide to ever write you a cheque etc. you can just endorse it twice, and it won’t be considered a 3rd Person Cheque. I did this with my Bank shortly after I got married, and never had an issue (just went in and talked to my Bank Manager)
OR you may find that if something really comes up big legally with the Inlaws, in so much as someone has recorded you as Mrs. Gems… that if you are ever asked by a Lawyer you can prove your true identity (legal & assumed) just by having a copy of your Marriage Certificate & some proper Photo ID available.
In all my married years… I think there was only one such occasion when I had to dig out my Marriage Certificate to prove who I was… and that was at for a Legal Inheritance when a relative had died and wrote out my name with my Husband’s Surname.
In truth… all this name change stuff. It is what it is. If you make a big deal / hassle out of it, it is one. If you go with the flow it isn’t.