Post # 1
My future mother in law and I have always had a difficult, sensitive relationship. FI is her only child, and she never dated or remarried after the divorce with FI’s dad. She’s very attached to him and besides her own problems with loneliness, was very afraid of letting him go.
He has a really great relationship with his mom and so his mom and I have been trying to get along. She used to be absolutely awful to me but after he gave her an ultimatum, she has gone out of her way to be nice to me. She’s genuinely trying. I have never been nasty back to her, but am trying to be nice now, instead of indifferent.
The point of my post isn’t our relationship, though.
I would really like to incorporate my FMIL in the wedding day in some way. I want her to feel special on the day and part of the wedding. It is already going to be a difficult day for her, since she will be giving her son away and her ex husband will be there with his wife. I want her to feel special too and do something that will strengthen our relationship.
TL;DR : How can I incorporate FMIL in our wedding day ?
Post # 3
Here is a suggestion…
Have a Unity Candle Ceremony… at the beginning of the Wedding have her come up and light the candle for her Son / The Groom (with him maybe)… and then you can have your Mom (or Dad) come up light the candle with You that represents You / The Bride…
Your Officiant can say something about the Cycle of Life, and how (for example), Mothers & Fathers give us life, love, a family and a home… and today, you each symbolically leave that past and taking those family values forward into your marriage as you make a life as a married couple, for a future, and a home filled with LOVE and become a family unit of your own.
Or something along those lines…
Just a thought.
PS… Don’t forget that as per Etiquette, the Groom’s Mom should be given a place of honour in the Church as well… and also be the last one seated BEFORE your own Mother (who immediately proceeds the Processional).
Post # 4
I think having her as involved as possible in the pre-wedding planning could help – my mother-in-law only has sons, so has been excited at the idea of wedding planning with a new ‘daughter’ (more involved than I would like, sometimes).
As for the actual wedding day, it’s not unheard of for the parents of the groom to make a speech, so perhaps she would like that? There’s also the mother/son dance, if that’s something you’re planning on doing? Your fiance would, obviously, also mention her in his speech too.
Another thing I think is important is just to thank her for her son and let her know how much you love and appreciate him. A lot of parents of the groom seem to feel that they have no contribution to the wedding process, despite raising 50% of the married couple!
Post # 5
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
I second the idea of having her as involved in planning as possible. Also could she walk in with him? He could escort her to her seat, give her a kiss, then go up to the altar. That’s roughly how it’s done in Jewish weddings, and it’s a nice symbol of the groom’s ties to his parents’ families as well as the start of your new family together. There’s no rule that says he has to come in from the side with the officiant.
(Slight thread-jack: we would do this this way if FI’s mom and dad could be trusted not to cause drama over either standing next to one another or who gets to spend more time with us or whatever other craziness they concoct.) Anyway, I like the symbolism, and it might be a nice way to acknowledge how important they are to one another and make her feel special as well as being a subtle metaphorical cutting of the cord. 🙂
Post # 6
Weddingbee, you’re amazing.