Help with my wedding party II

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

sarahroby:  You cannot do that and expect to still be friends.

Your wedding is more than one year away. What is she supposed to be “interested” in? Your bridesmaids are not responsible for helping you plan your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

merpitymerp:  I agree. What is it you expect your BM to be doing 1 year out from the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with PP. I hardly even talked to some of my BMs a year before the wedding bc of distance but the definitely weren’t involved in any planning and we never spoke about the wedding. It’s hard to be interested in something a year away. They are just there to be honored as your closest friends, not plan the wedding. I’d wait and if she actually doesn’t want to be in the wedding closer to the day then ask her to step down, but I can almost guarantee it will affect the friendship. 

Post # 5
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I read your other post and I don’t really get it. She can’t make it to your engagement party –  she’s in college and is likely really busy this time of year (finals) and an hour away isn’t *that* close, especially if you’re studying. That seems pretty reasonable to me. She hasn’t talked about colours/dresses yet – if you’re picking their dresses/colours/styles, she might just be waiting for you to tell her what to get. She can’t attend your BM mixer this summer because she has two really long trips planned – well, what do you want her to do? Cancel her vacations? You could have always picked a day that she was available if her being there meant that much to you.

There is no way to un-ask a BM and keep the friendship. I think you just need to ease up on your expectations for BMs. Your wedding is a year away – I really don’t know why you think she needs to be so attentive to you that entire time.

Post # 6
Member
3711 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve read where you’re not even supposed to ask people to be in your wedding party, until 1 year out, because relationships change. And the only thing you’re supposed to ask them to do is to show up on your wedding day, with a smile on their face, and wearing a dress that you either choose or have some input into. That’s it.

Of course, some bridal parties go to the whole other financial/involvement extreme, but you can’t expect everyone to be willing to sell their souls to your own, personal wedding vision.

Post # 7
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

  sarahroby:  You  didn’t respond to any of the responses on your last post, so I’ll just copy and paste my response here:

  Perhaps she just feels that your wedding has to take a place on the  backburner for her right now. It is  a year away , she is in college and year -end exams are coming up. Plus she has two trips to plan (this summer). I suggest it is far to early in the planning process to be worried about her lack of participation.

Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with PP. It’s still a year out. She is probably busy with college, studying etc. there is no way of un-asking a BM. Maybe if, down the road, she still seems uninterested ask her if she is ok and have a talk with her. Maybe she is jealous you two are in a different stage in your lives or something? Also, if this is her first time being a BM maybe she just doesn’t know what I expect, etc (not saying bms should be expecte to do anything other than show up on time, etc). Just give her some time and if later something seems off, talk with her. 

Post # 9
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

sarahroby:  It will kill your friendship and cause unnecessary drama. Technically only the moh has any extra responsibilities. ALL a bm has to do is wear the dress you pick, walk up the aisl and stand with the other bms, smile for some pictures and sit at the head table. It sucks but technically she doesn’t have to help with anything….not even a bridal shower(usually that is the bride’s aunts/mom/MOH) or bachelorette(no one owes you one, it isn’t even a moh job it is an extra).

Save your friendship, sanity and avoide stress and drama. You will have a much happier planning process 🙂

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