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Hey girls, I could really use some advice on what to do about this situation.  I'll try to explain as much as I can in as short as I can write it (which I fear will not be that short as there are a lot of details).

I went and visited the Chapel we booked for our ceremony back in May.  I met with one of the pastors and the wedding coordinator.  The pastor I met was great and the wedding coordinator very knowledgable and helpful.  We loved the Chapel and it is in the perfect location so we went ahead and booked, putting a deposit down.

Later on I read on the church's website that if I was to use my own music (i.e. hire a string trio) I could take $150 off the ceremony fee.  I emailed the wedding coordinator to find out if this number was accurate, and I received an email back from the pastor that I met back in May stating the coordinator had been let go and that someone else would replace her.  He also stated that he did not know the answer to my question and that the pastor in charge of weddings would call me with an answer since he did not use email.  A week goes by and no call, so I email again.  Same reply, and finally that night (at 10PM no less) the other pastor calls and leaves a message asking to call him back, but does not tell me how much we can take off the ceremony.  I go to bed before 10PM since I wake up early for work, so I called him back the next morning around 11:30.  He did not pick up, so I left a message asking him to call back.

A week goes by and I have not heard back from the pastor.  I email the other pastor again asking if he can get ahold of the other pastor for me since I have not heard back.  He apologizes for him and lets me know that the other pastor will be calling.  He does call later that night, again, later in the evening (around 9:15PM).  I missed the call because I was getting ready for bed, but noticed he had left a voicemail.  I listen to the voicemail and it is just so rude and accusatory that it infuriates me.  The message basically says I need to answer my cell phone, listen to my voice messages, that he already answered my question when he called before (he didn't), that I need to call him back this time, etc.  I could not believe how he was talking to me just on a voicemail.

So, I called him back immediately (it was still before 10PM so I figured he was awake) and finally talked to him live.  I asked him what the fee I can take off is and he repeatedly says that he has already told me, and when I tell him that he has not, he says that he has.  Finally I just say well I still do not know what that price is so can you please just let me know what it is?  He grumbles and shuffles around his papers and finally gives me the number (it is $150 like I thought).  Was that so hard?  My gosh.  Anyway, he starts pestering me for a time when DF and I can come in to meet him (remember we met the other pastor, not this one) and I tell him that we are both very busy in the next few months with DF going out of town on business, not to mention we live an hour and a half away.  He gets pretty annoyed with the fact that we can't meet him right away and is very grumpy to me and just ends up saying "well when you figure out a time you let me know." And that is the end of the conversation.  We aren't getting married until 10/2009 so I didn't think it was necessary to meet him in the next couple of weeks considering the fact that it's 14 months away.

Anyway, I tried to keep this short but that obviously did not happen.  My question to you ladies is, is it okay if I email the other pastor that has been nice to me to see if he can perform the wedding instead?   Is there a nice way to word the email (or should I call him--we've been dealing over email and I feel like I will be able to word things better if I email him).  I really can't change chapels because I absolutely love this one and it is in the perfect location (not to mention it is the only church in the beach town the ceremony and reception are in).

Thank you so much in advance for any advice, ladies!!!!!!

How awful! It is surprising how hard it is to find a good pastor. We ended up going through four before we found the one that did our ceremony. I would definately email the other pastor. If you're going to have premarital counseling you want someone you feel comfortable with and its clearly not the guy you're currently dealing with. We passed on two officiants because I thought they just didn't seem sufficiently interested in us and our wedding. It was really important to me that we have a ceremony that reflected us our our lives, and we did finally get someone who did a wonderful ceremony and has become a good friend as well. If you can't get a pastor you feel comfortable with from your venue, maybe ask them about bringing in an outside officiant.

I agree with suzanno that the pastor who officiates your wedding makes a big difference. Marriage is a very important union, and you don't want a pastor who doesn't seem to care about that to be the one that marries you! I think emailing the first pastor is fine. I'm not exactly sure how you can word it, but I would think that telling him that you feel more comfortable with him officiating your wedding would be ok.

I realize that our generation deals in emails - but for this, you want to call.  You shoud express your concerns while explaining that you were hoping to work with him. You don't want to be pointing fingers, but just expressing that you geel more comfortable with Pastor A and that you were less than thrilled with your exchanges with Pastor B.  I HIGHLY suggest calling though just beacuse emails don't always convey tone of voice or thought properly and the last thing you want is your request being misinterpretted.

I do think it's ok. You're pastor should be someone who's going to be able to be happy and calming to you. I would explain the situation, and ask for someone new.