Help with so to be mother-in-law

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

cgerdes:  I think she is such a drama queen! I would have forgotten about her a long time ago. Go ahead plan the wedding you want  & enjoy every minute of it in her absence. 

Post # 3
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I stopped reading part way thru. Allow Jim to make his own relationship with her. I know you feel you want to “save” their relationship, but its not your job. Follow your FIs lead on this.

 

This is coming from some one who has not spoken to her father or his family in over 5 years, and mother in almost 2 years. He has a reason for losing touch with her. Tryst him.

Post # 4
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

cgerdes:  You can’t change her mind, she’s an adult and knows exactly what she is doing. His mother sounds extremely manipulative and petty and you can’t let her run your life with her hot and cold, back and forth. If she wants a relationship with him, she’s got to put in some effort too.

At some point Jim needs to live his life and stop worrying about what his mom thinks, as she uses her role to punish him when she doesn’t agree with whatever he is doing. Don’t you see this is exactly how she wanted him to feel? It’s emotional blackmail and it isn’t ok. She knows she is invited to the wedding and has chosen not to attend. Well, tell her you’re sorry she can’t make it and then continue on as planned. Don’t go begging her to attend, you guys are better than that.

Post # 5
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Although your goal of having a good relationship with family is laudable, somethimes you just have to stop banging your head against a brick wall. This woman clearly does not share the same goal.

Continue to phone, visit when you can, keep her up to date with your plans, but stop seeking her participation or approval.

Post # 7
Member
6753 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Be glad she didn’t move close to you! I come from a very close family. Although my husbands family members are all very nice they are not close and they don’t talk or see each other often. But that is their relationship- I’m not about to tell my husband how to interact with his father or siblings!

Post # 8
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can see where you were trying to help build a foundation for you, your fiance’ and his Mom as the three of you move forward in your lives together. Unfortuantely she is repeating behavior she’s pulled before you knew her. What she is doing is abusive, manipulative and controlling. Silent treatment is emotional abuse and I think rather than catering to someone trying to phone them and beg them to come around, I would be firm and honest and call them out on their behavior. Life is too short. When people behave in this manner after you have been considerate and bent over backwards to include them boundaries need to be set that teach them it’s innapropriate, they won’t get away with it and on what terms you will have a healthy relationship with them. It is not a coincidence that she also behaved this way the last time he approached a marriage.

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