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How long does the dad have him... is it weekends or more irregular than that?
He has him over night on weekends, Saturday to Sunday. Then on Tuesdays and Thursdays for a few hours.
When he comes home from his dads he is a completely different kid. He hits and screams and throws things. Its AWFUL! I love my son, but it is driving me crazy!!!!
His dad and I don't talk either. I know we should, but one of the big issues with him is that he wouldn't tell me the truth anyways, so its not really worth even trying!
Talk to his father. You guys need to get on the same page sooner rather than later. You need to set up ground rules for bed times and such so that it is easier on not only you, but you child as well.
I've tried a few times, it doesn't do any good. He will tell me one thing (whatever he thinks I want to hear) and then do whatever he wants. I can't make him do anything or tell me the truth.
Yah talking is definitely key! Maybe it'd be helpful to see a therapist who specializes in working with parents who are sharing custody?
Maybe you can "talk" with his father via e-mail? I have a friend who does not get along with her ex, but is able to communicate with him fairly OK via e-mail correspondance.
I guess you may not get truthful statements out of him, but perhaps you can suggest coming up with a schedule that you both use. Maybe pretend leveling with him saying that you are struggling with discipline, and if he can suggest discipline tactics that you can both use. Maybe from there say those are great, claim that you came up with a few more, stress that you realize that he needs consistency, ask can we both be consistent with toddler? Tell him that you will pack a few of toddler baby's favorite books so they can read them before bed as a part of his routine?This may not work, but thought is that he will not respond well if he thinks that you are attacking his parenting skills, but respond to flattery although it's not real!
I also agree that maybe a family counselor may help you out.
If his father is being uncooperative, the only thing that you can do is create a schedule at your home that doesn't change. If bath time is supposed to be at 7 then get him in the bath at 7. If bed time is at 8 then get him in bed at 8. If he is kicking and screaming, so be it. Just keep putting him back to bath or bed. Eventually, he will get the idea. It may take some time, but if you don't give in to the child's demands by driving him around for 2 hours or in other ways, he will get the hang of the schedule. Children need schedules. If he kicks and screams, set him down and you get down to his eye level; don't loom over him, and talk to him. Let him know that what he is doing is not good behavior and that he needs to relax because you aren't going anywhere and neither is he. If he is acting out, find a place in your home that can be used as a time out area. Give him the talk and make him do the time out for 2 minutes. One minute for each year. If he gets up, put him back and start the time over. You may want to get a timer for this. Eventually, he will get the idea and start behaving. Kids are smarter than adults sometime give them credit for. He is taking advantage of the change when he comes back home. He knows that his leaving upsets you and that you do not get along with his dad. Just show him the love that I know you have for him and try to stay as calm as you can. Walk away if you start to get frustrated. Then go back to finish. You and your fiance have to do this together, so that everyone is on the same page.
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My son is 2. He gets EXTREMELY spoiled at his dad's house, pretty much can do what he wants. When he comes back home, FI and I have to try to work with him AGAIN so that he knows his boundaries. Well, he won't go to bed now. I don't know what to do! He screams and yells, and kicks and gets out of bed and runs around. Last night was the earliest he went to bed in awhile, and it was 11. We had to drive around for 2 hours for him to finally fall asleep. It is so hard. We are both exhausted and tense. I don't know what to do! Please help!!!!