(Closed) Help with troubled sister, please….

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Did your sister ever post on WB?

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmm. This sounds like one of those life mistakes she’s going to have to deal with on her own. She obviously thinks you guys don’t “get it” and is stubborn. She’ll unwrap herself from the situation in her own time. Unless this drags on for the next 10 years, she’ll still have her 20s to grow and be a young adult. I think she’ll be fine, and you should just let her know you are there for her without adding more pressure.

Post # 6
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sorry to hear that you feel your sister is headed down the wrong path. The good news is that she is still very young – is she in school? Working? What makes you think she will go down a bath path that you can’t save her from? Getting married to the guy? Getting pregnant?

It’s very difficult (usually impossible) to tell people that their SO is bad for them, and have them believe you. They need to find out for themselves, unfortunately. Generally, the more you push someone to leave someone else, the more they will resist.

Whatever you do, don’t write her off because she isn’t listening to you right now. She’s 19, she has plenty of young adulthood left to experience. Lots of people (myself included) mucked up a fair amount at 19 and are now happily married to great guys/have careers/own homes/are happy/college grads/stable/etc. Part of growing up is falling down, and learning to pick yourself up. Its great to have someone to who will save you, but better to learn how to save yourself. Hope this helps.

Post # 7
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Perhaps some of the other bees will have better advice but unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a lot you can say.  Most of the time when someone is told they shouldn’t be with a person they just cling all the tighter.  Just be supportive and there for her as best you can.  Also, bear in mind that she is an adult that will make her own decisions and you won’t always be able to save her.  (Trust me, as the oldest in my family, I know this is a really hard thing to come to terms with.)  Good luck and i hope things work out well.  

Post # 11
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You’re going to have to let her make this mistake. My own sister moved to California for a guy who had cheated on her before and then he did it again. When she finally came home she said she knew she shouldn’t have gone, but it was something she needed to do. Sometimes people have to fight these battles even if they know the choice isn’t right.

The BEST thing you can do for your sis is to always let her know your door is open and that you love her. The more you pressure her to see things your way, the more she’s likely to feel like she can’t go to you without getting guilted. I know that’s not your intention, but I think that it can come off that way.

I’m pretty similar to you, and I’m having to learn how to let my friends and family make their own mistakes too. It’s hard!

Post # 13
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The thing is, you don’t have a choice. She has to choose to change, and nothing you can do or say will do this for her until she’s ready. 

I have another friend who is guy-hopping because she also cannot be without a guy, and I think she’s finally getting ready to stop serial dating. I advised her for a long time to be single, but she’s only doing it now that she’s ready.

Perhaps your best line of offense would be to plant ideas in your sister’s brain. As I said before, let her know your home is open to her. Don’t pressure her, but always allow for her to know that even if she makes huge mistakes, you will be there for her. 

I don’t know what other advice to give; people won’t do anything until they’re ready.

Post # 15
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

You have to let people make their own mistakes, it is how they learn in life. It is very unfortunate but I know I wouldn’t listen to anyone when I was dating all of the wrong boys. Later in life she will appreciate a man who treats her right, but unless he is abusing her there isn’t much you can do. Just be there for her any way you can!

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