Post # 1
My FILs have so generously decided to throw a party for FI and I to celebrate our upcoming wedding. Our wedding is not in the same city that my FILs live in- it is in my hometown, which is about 4 hours away. Because of this, and because after listing all family and very close friends, we are already at/over our guest list capacity (200), these people (for the most part) are not receiving an invitation to the wedding in May. They are all adult couple friends of my FILs who live in their same town, they are none of my friends or FI’s friends.
I talked with my FMIL about etiquette and if this is an appropriate thing to do, and she seemed confident that she knows her friends well and they won’t be offended by being invited to this party but not the wedding. She swears they will be excited to celebrate us and the blending of both families, no matter the context. Because of this, we are not calling the party an engagement party or a couples shower, and would prefer not to even use the word “wedding” in its description. I guess it’s just kind of a “meet and greet” where my FILs’ friends can meet me, my parents and siblings, and celebrate the union of me and FI, as well as the union of our families.
However, because of this, none of us can think of a good “name” for the party, and we can’t think of good wording for the invitation. We’re under a bit of a time crunch, as FMIL intends to mail the invitations tomorrow ((!!!!)). I understand this is not traditionally “appropriate” and may seem to be “bad ettiquette”, I was slow to warm up to the idea as well. But FMIL has a very large friend group and wants them to meet me and my family and just wants to celebrate with them. We don’t expect gifts of any type, we don’t want to mention them on the invitation. There is no link to our wedding website and we plan not to discuss wedding details at the party- it truly is just a meet and celebrate with hosted dinner and alcohol. What on EARTH do we call this event?!?! And how should FMIL phrase the invitations?!?
I understand this could potentially lead to sensitivity, but I know my FMIL is coming from a really good place and doesn’t want to offend anyone. How can I help her keep the wording and description of the event as a neutral, celebratory, non-gift-grabby, getting-to-know-you, filled with love dinner?
Post # 2
futurefam: She could invite her friends to meet her new daughter-in- law.
Post # 3
ugh? Usually the dinner part is the head count problem. If they are invited to the dinner not sure why you wouldn’t invite them to the wedding. That dosn’t cost extra.
Post # 4
julies1949: You’re right, that’s kinda the main aim of the party- meet me, my family, see him and I together, but she wants to try and avoid making it a spotlight on me thing, and more of a widespread celebration for everyone. What kind of wording would you suggest?
Post # 5
Atalanta: It’s a catered dinner next month at their house and the wedding is in May. This is like a celebration party/meet and greet. Two totally separate events. The people invited to this party aren’t invited to the ceremony or reception. FMIL says she’s totally confident they wouldn’t even be able to travel for the wedding. So it’s like a less formal, low key celebration simply planned to celebrate- NO presents or gifts or anything like that, just friens and celebration.
Post # 6
I don’t know exactly how you would word it but you could call it exactly what it is: a meet and greet.
Label it as the “Smith and Davidson Meet and Greet” (obviously swapping out for your surnames haha)
Post # 7
OneDayMrsL: I think I’ll suggest that, I just want to make sure there’s not a blazing spotlight on me at this party of 50 people I don’t know haha. I’ve asked her to try and convey just a general- “Hey! We’re happy, you’re happy, let’s be happy together over dinner!” kind of feel, not a “Come meet the newbie!” feel haha. I’m not super comfortable in a crowd that large consisting of 90% people I’ve never met and aren’t anywhere near my age range!
It could be like a
“Please join us for dinner and drinks as we celebrate the love of FI and (Me) and help us warmly welcome the entire “LastName” family into ours!”
Is that okay????
Post # 8
futurefam: OK. I missed thatin the OP. I’d just call it a dinner party. All the introducing to our family blah blah blah imply you want gifts and I think people will feel obligated to get your stuff.
Post # 9
futurefam: One describes it as “dinner”. And yes, the guests of honour can be named as either “In honour of” or as “to meet”. If it is formal one writes in black ink on white paper with centred lines:
In honour of Miss Future Fam
Mr and Mrs John Motherinlaw
request the pleasure of the company of
Mr and Mrs Charles Guest
on Thursday the second of October
at eight o’clock.
If the party is informal, she writes a normal note along the lines of
Dear Carol and Bill,
John and I are hoping you can join us for dinner on Thursday 2 October, at 8:00. Jack’s fiancee Future is going to be joining us that night, and I would love to have you meet her.
Post # 10
Okay I told her to just call it a dinner party!
aspasia475: Would it be okay if the focus wasn’t just on me? Like instead of “In honor of Miss Future Fam” it said “In honor of Miss Future Fam and Mr. Future Fam” ?
Post # 11
futurefam: A very, very high stickler for propriety would probably refrain from inviting guests “in honour of” her own close relative, and her family friends probably have already met her son and do not need “to meet” him again. But chances are that few, if any, normal folk really care about such a fine detail, especially if it makes you feel more comfortable to be a little less in the spotlight.