Post # 1
Im on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Sat night my FH and I had this whole discussion about how he didnt know the point of marriage. He even was asking me how I would feel if the wedding was cancelled. His parents had a bad divorce but so did mine and Im not questioning us getting married. I am so upset I can barely function!
I asked him if this is a cold feet thing but he says he wants to marry me he just is scared by the idea of marriage. Oh and he also said it will change his “image” if hes wearing a ring and is married. I am so upset 🙁
Post # 3
Maybe you two should consider counseling. It sounds like he still has a lot of issues from his parent’s split and he is afraid that it will happen again with you. He should be able to seperate the fact that you are in a completely different relationship than his parents.
Post # 4
I’d be more concerned about the comment about “changing his image” How would his “image” be changed if he’s married…?
Agree on counseling.
Post # 5
That’s horrible, I agree with counseling. Can I ask you a personal question, Do you live together? and did he ask you to marry him?
As far as the image comment, sounds to me he’s too immature to get married.
Post # 6
Is this a one-time freak out? Has he ever said anything like this before? Because this definitely sounds like a freak out to me! With lame excuses to boot, but you can’t blame him being gun-shy, I definitely have met a few jaded people because of their parents/friends/family’s/previous divorces.
But welcome! =]
Post # 7
I agree with the counseling. And yes, it changes his image…. it shows that he is commited to you and if it bothers him to make that known, you two have much bigger issues. I highly doubt he feels that way, although I don’t know him. This is where the counselor could help walk you two through this
Post # 8
We have lived together for 1 year and 6 months. I have suggested counseling but he says he should be able to talk to me about this issue. He says it shouldnt scare me its just how he feels but I feel like Im not disinterested and Im clearly going to get emotional about him saying this.
As far as image, he parties a lot for being a 33 year old, partly to do with his career and partly bc hes wild. All of his friends are married with children but he still wants to be the party boy. Honestly, this doesnt bother me. Im more of a homebody but Ive adjusted to his going out lifestyle. I just dont get whats going on.
He has been engaged before and broke it off 6 months prior to the wedding. I told him before he proposed do not do it if you have any doubts. Im starting to freak out big time! We are 5 months away from the wedding…..
Post # 9
Am I the only one curious as to what “image” your FH is trying to keep from being ruined? I agree with hotchild…that comment would bother me more than him questioning marriage. I mean it has to be tough to see your parents going through a divorce while you are planning a wedding.
I think you guys need some counseling just to make sure that you are on the same page and not borrowing your FILs troubles..
Post # 10
Agreed on the counseling. There are 2 HUGE issues – his “party-boy image” and his commitment. Both need to be addressed ASAP!! Good luck!! ((Hugs))
Post # 11
Yeah i see your dilemma. He honestly does not sound like he is ready to be married and settle down. However if you are 100% okay with his actions (and partying, whatever), then are you expecting him to change when you get married? Does he think a big change is coming? Cuz i’m concerned that if in 5 years you DO get tired of that (it is inevitable, ya know?) and he’s not, there’ll be problems. But, if you both acknowledge there will be no “lifestyle change” (ie him becoming more of a homebody, etc, just b/c he’s married), then that’s another thing. I’d be concerned b/c it sounds like a repeat and I do think you guys could benefit from some counseling
Post # 12
Did you discuss with him what you think the point of marriage is?
I don’t see why being married would affect being able to go out since you haven’t told him to knock it off yet, is he worried you’ll change?
I think it is definately an important conversation for both of you to have but especially since you’re emotional to sit down and think about it for a bit as to why marriage is an important commitment and why it upsets you that he’s more worried about his image ‘changing’
Post # 13
wow, in all honesty… as a mom, I would not be okay with a party boy, especially that old. If you are ok with that, then that is fine, but think about the future…. do you plan to have children? Family needs to come before being out with the boys, drinking, other women.
If he is not ok with counseling, then I see a lot of let downs, fights, issues in your future….unless you can sit quietly.
He needs to grow up.
Post # 14
He doesn’t seem to want to commit to settling down at all. And the image comment, after you explained he’s a party boy, really unnerves me a bit.
Post # 15
I think you should try again to get him to go to counseling and if he doesn’t go, there’s nothing saying you can’t go without him. Maybe he’ll come around too, once he knows you are going.
I would try to get more specific reasons out of him about what’s going on. He seems confused and you’re not on the same page.
Post # 16
I agree about the image thing – it sounds like he is WAY too concerned about this. Do you mind if I ask what type of profession he’s in? It doesn’t sound like he HAS to project that type of image, especially if others are married and have children. This sounds like it is a very serious issue and needs to be dealt with head on. Perhaps you should talk to him about what he thinks will change after you two are married? Just like everybody else, I’d sort of push the counseling issue a bit because this is pretty concerning. Good Luck!