Post # 1
PLEASE HELP, I am broken..
We got engaged on April 3, 2013 (Yes, just over a week ago). We had been togethr for 7.5 years prior. We have had our ups and downs, but worked through a lot of pretty tough stuff. FI got word that his x-roomate is telling people that we slept together several times. NOT TRUE. This x-roomate of his is known for lying, stealing and abusing drugs…not exactly the most trustowrthy person.
I didn’t know any of these accusations, but apparently FI kept it quiet while he did his “investigating.” The people who told him about his x-rommates stories that we slept together called the x roomate on speakerphone with FI listening. He was prompted to discuss the sexual encounters “we had.” Needless to say, FI came home and was visibly aggitated. I asked what was wrong, and he was acting very strange. He said “let me see your ring,” I asked “why?” and he said “just let me see it.” I gave the ring to him, and he immediately put in around the gold necklace he wears. No questions asked, just flat out believed what this jerk is saying about me, and now after a week of being on cloud nine, my world has crumbled infront of me.
FI is an emotional person by nature, but he is also very hard headed. Once he believes a story, that’s it. Me…I am hurt, crushed and I feel like my heart is in a million pieces. I know most of you will say “move on, he should believe you, not worth it,” but please be sensitive to the fact that I was newly engaged, and spent most of my young adult life with him. We lived together, and I got my stuff and moved back into my parents (for now). I just can’t iamgine how I can ever begin to feel normal again. Tongiht was our night to watch all our good shows on DVR, and it’s the little things like that which are killing me. Please help, any coping strategies? Thank you : (
One more thing that I should add…people have said that the x-roomate has a “thing” for me. It is my assumption that he was trying to be cool by telling people this, and it got out of hand, and now he can’t go back on his original story.
-One sad bee
Post # 3
I’m sorry, I can’t imagine. If he won’t listen to you, can you write him a letter? Describe all the reasons why he can’t trust the roommate (lying, stealing, abusing drugs) and all the times you have been trustworthy as comparison? Even a hard-headed person must be able to see the sense in that.
Post # 4
@Future_MrsCulpepper: nawww honey I am so sorry, but is there a reason why he would belive the ex roommate?? have you ever had a relationship like that with the roommate?? That just sounds so strange that your FI would believe this guy rather than you!!
All I can think of is maybe try to confront the roommate and ask him what his problem is and let him know how devastated you are and try to get him to admit to your FI that he was lying.
On the other hand, is this the man you really want to marry if he is so quick to judge and believe undesirable mates over you?? You’ll be his wfe, the mother of his children (if you choose to have them) and you should be a partnership – not against eachother. You should be able to trust eachother and put eachother first – not judge and jump to conclusions without proper evidence.
I’m so sorry, good luck with it though xx
Post # 5
This sucks. I wouldn’t put up with a FI that takes the word of any one over mine. I’d probably pack whatever I could fit in my car and go somewhere … anywhere but there.
If you think this will be the first time this happens … it won’t be. He’ll always have doubts and do you really want to spend the rest of your life dealing with someone that doesn’t trust you?
Post # 6
Honestly, I would have you call the xroomate while your FI is on speakerphone and tell him to say the same things to see if he has the nerve to do so.
Post # 7
As difficult as this must be for you, if you did manage to convince him to take you back, are you sure you would ever be able to forgive him? He took the word of a known liar and thief over that of his future wife. And he didn’t even give you a chance to defend yourself. As hurt as you are right now, I think once the shock wears off a little, you’re going to be blisteringly angry that he treated you so poorly.
Post # 8
I find it disappointing that he trusted this friend more than you. skip the phone take your fiancé and confront this friend face face. .
Post # 9
Sounds like there are some major trust issues with your boyfriend. It’s not at a good point to be engaged anyway… imagine if you were married, and he doubted your fidelity so easily?
I don’t know the reason why he was so willing to believe those stories, but whatever it is, couple’s therapy seems essential to seeing if this relationship can be saved.
Post # 10
Post # 11
@minipenguin: So assuming he does have the nerve to do so, now that he is sticking with his story…what the heck would I do? That only solidifies my xFI beliefes. Quite honestly, I don’t know if we can be cooperaative enough with eachother to do that right now. Uhhhhh, this stinks! Thank you for the suggestion!
Post # 12
I wish I knew what to say to help you. But I get the feeling we are very different creatures. If I were in your position I’d be demanding the ring back. Because it was a gift and you weren’t the one to f*** this up. If he is going to be an ass and waste 7.5 years of your life you might as well get some financial compensation. At least that would be what I was explaining to him. (Not that I’d sell the ring right away its more a tool to point out that he is the one with issues here.) Tell him he can either figure it out or stay out of your life and let you heal because there is no reason good enough to ignore your side of the story. He picked you to spend forever with not his ex-roommate. If this roommate’s words carry more weight than yours wish them well together and find your real life partner elsewhere.
I guess my take on this is… Pick a fight and see if he really thinks your relationship is worth fighting for.
Post # 13
@Future_MrsCulpepper: if i were you, i’d be on the phone with that ex-room mate and get to the bottom of these accusations asap. better still, meet him face to face with your fi present.
Post # 14
@Future_MrsCulpepper: can u call him and record it? this way, if he backs off the story, u have prrof. but if he doesn’t, u just delete the recording.
Post # 15
I don’t think I’d want to stay with someone who would believe a known liar over me. The situation AT LEAST deserves a discussion, not just him breaking off the engagement without hearing from you first. That wouldn’t fly with me, and I wouldn’t even try to get him back.
Post # 16
I am so very sorry that this happened to you. I cannot even imagine.
I truly do not want to upset you. However, I cannot help but think there has to be more to this story than what you have shared with us. I cannot envision a couple that has been together for more than seven years breaking up over the unfounded accusations of a known liar and thief.
Are you able to provide any additional detail to help us understand what may have led your FI to have believed these accusations so quickly and why he would have chosen to take such dramatic action so quickly, before you even had a chance to deny these assertions?