Post # 1
Getting married in about a month here…this past weekend was my bachelorette party. The girl who had planned it had basically taken charge of the event and left me — and the other girls — in the dark about most of the details. When I found out the expense that would be placed on my nearest and dearest friends as a result, I explained that I felt concerned about her extravagent planning.
The girl flipped a table, so to say, canceled everything (it was an out of town event) — then sent me an email bulleting all of the things that she had set up – unbeknowst to everyone. Simply because I told her I had some concerns. When I put together some last-minute plans for a gathering, she told me she’d be taking a pass and bailed.
I do not want her involved moving foward. I have not heard from her since her last message. Although it would be very easy to continue on, assuming she will stay clear (and mum), I’m guessing that given my luck – it won’t go that way.
How to handle this?
Post # 3
We had to ask a bridesmaid to step down. She was not involved in anything and would not respond to the Maid/Matron of Honor when she tried to just get her opinion. We talked to her and she was fine stepping down so it all worked out. Good Luck.
Post # 4
However you decide to proceed, just know that removing her from the wedding party will end the friendship. If you’re willing to do that, then go for it. If not, then let it go.
Did she plan an extravigant party that others’ couldn’t necessarily afford? Maybe. Hindsight is 20/20, but you probably should not have involved yourself. The others in the bridal party are adults, and could have told her they couldn’t afford it. No, she shouldn’t have freaked out on you, but I would be hurt too if I’d planned a bachelorette party for someone and all of a sudden she’s telling me to change the plans. She could have handled things better, but now its up to you to be the bigger person.
Post # 5
I would say that everyone needs to calm down and eat some fruit or something….before anyone else acted rashly, because let’s face it, your Bridesmaid took the cake with that…I would advise taking a moment to look at this from her perspective…might she have taken the reigns on your bacheloretter party because your other attendants had no plans? Might her extravagant plans have been a manifestation of her feelings of love and happiness for you, and is it possible, that your concerns landed on a very sensitive nerve, since she felt alone in the entire process to begin with?
I’m not saying that is what happened, but it might be.
Before I did anything I would ask her what happened.
Post # 6
I think it’s tough when a Bridesmaid or Best Man spend a lot of time an effort planning something, and then the bride comes back with “concerns.” It can be totally upsetting and frustrating, especially when no one is helping except to critique it.
Post # 7
Honestly, while she overreacted, she was trying to set up a nice weekend for you. Should she have asked for input (especially cost wise) with the other girls? Yes, of course. But it’s only been a week since this happened, you both are in the cool down period. To just dump her makes YOU also be a bad friend. I would reach out to her and see how the conversatin goes.
Weddings shouldn’t be worth losing friends over. I don’t get why we feel like suddenly can “fire” people as bridesmaids when they tick us off. If you weren’t planning a wedding, I doubt you would end a friendship over a disagreement, so I don’t think the wedding means you can treat people differently and act like you have power over them.
Post # 8
@Nona99: I agree with this post 100%.
Post # 9
I’ll be frank: Tell her to buzz off. I had a bridesmaid who did something very similar to me, and she made my wedding day a nightmare–she didn’t say one thing to me the whole time. Before and during your wedding day, surround yourself with people who are positive, friendly and make you feel happy! Don’t feel bad for asking her to step down.
Post # 10
I’ve been a bridesmaid 9 times and a maid of honor 6: the most frustrating thing from the bachelorette party planning perspective is planning with other girls who are friends with your friend (the bride), but not necessarily friends with each other. Someone has to be in charge (it sounds like this girl was). I would find out if the other girls were apathetic and she was forced to plan by default, or if she truly did everything on her own, despite what the other girls said.
Post # 11
Thank you everyone. I’m not trying to react at this moment, so I think I will take this week to look back and try to get all the girls’ feedback.