- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I just think that on your wedding day you should be surrounded by people that love you and want to help you, not be the center of attention themselves. Have her call Cream Sauce and say that she's sorry that her wedding has become such a burden and that it's probably better for her (CS) and would make her life easier if she didn't have to deal with the bridesmaid stuff. Phrase it so that she's the center of attention (what she craves, apparently) while getting what you want.
wedding_photography_couples_2.5.jpg (56.7 KB, 32 downloads) 2 years old
I like the first comment from jma19. I had to do that with one of my BMs.
I simply said to her, "If you think you can no longer handle the stress of being a bridesmaid, I will be happy to send you an invitation as a guest and you can choose to come or not just like everyone else."
For me, it relieved A LOT of stress she was giving me. She wanted me to change most of my wedding decisions to suit her.
The way it resulted for me? Well, she cried for a while and asked if she could still be in the wedding party. I agreed, but said that I will no longer be discussing my plans with her. She will be at all functions and standing up there with me on my wedding day, but I'm keeping specifics to myself. I'm not discluding her. It's just easier this way. Things have really changed for the better! And she's just happy to be involved at all now.
Good luck to you and your friend!
f43e.jpg (69.5 KB, 57 downloads) 2 years old
Stay out of it. Its her wedding day, maybe she just doesn't want it to be the start of a feud. I agree you can be supportive and stand by the bride if that's what she wants to do - but don't pressure into the decision.
All you can do is make your feelings/opinion known. If you've already done so and your friend doesn't take action, let it drop gracefully and be as supportive as you can (balancing out any badness, if possible, but not in an 'I told you so' kind of way). By continuing to push for this, you may be adding to her stress rather than decreasing it, even if your intentions are good.
2b78.jpg (13.7 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old 
I would just keep your feelings to yourself. She knows what happen with your wedding, so now you need to stay out of it and let her make her own choices.
Not to offend anyone here....but I have continued reading posts since my wedding and obviously before. I love the whole wedding process. Anyway, maybe I'm a little PMS-y here, but what is with people asking girls to be in their weddings that they aren't real close to, that they get nothing but support from, that they can't imagine them not being part of their day? I read another post a few minutes ago about a MOH who was sick, and whether or not she should be replaced. Whether she is there or not, she should not be "replaceable", and in this situation here, why did your friend ask this girl that she doesn't even care about maintaining a relationship with after the wedding? My point is this - if she doesn't really care for this girl anyway, then why is she worried about hurting her feelings? Just tell her its not working out, the end, right? Weddings are not about having "even sides", nor about how many "friends" you have up there with you. Keep the ones who you care about and vice versa. Thats it.
I was thinking the same thing as dreambml, and then I read her post. Very eloquently put.
I completely disagree with the last two comments. I do , however agree that you should support your friend in the decision that she makes, but not to make it for her.
When I got engaged I decided I decided to have my sisters (ONLY) in the wedding. It was the first thing that I decided on, in fact. One of my friends (that was not good enough of a friend to be in the wedding) pitched a fit! My unknowing, wonderful do-gooder fiance said "We have three guys and only two girls. I think it would be fine if you were in the wedding" Yikes! It get's worse though... She went on the computer and bought her dress right then. I was so blown away I said nothing. She is now not in the wedding. (there were many many more problems to follow)
Anyway I would have loved to have someone do my dirtywork. Believe me, my sisters made daily offers. But I am glad that I did it myself and I finally got to wash my hands of the whole mess. Whew!
Step back from the drama. This cream sauce girl seems to be consuming so much of your energy.
I agree with BriJL and the comments that followed hers...
!BWLth8Q!Wk~$(KGrHgoOKjsEjlLmVqugBKWPS.jpg (9.6 KB, 45 downloads) 2 years old !BW4TbDQBWk~$(KGrHgoH-DgEjlLl0b,6BKZgT.jpg (10.9 KB, 64 downloads) 2 years old
Oops, I meant I agree with gaudior23 and the comments that followed hers...
You've let your opinion be known, so now back of and stop letting creamsauce consum more of your energy.
dreambml: sometimes you think you know a person very well... and then it all changes when becoming a bm is involved. I've been having issues with my moh (nothing to the point of asking her to step down), but enough to realize that i've seen a side of her that I didn't know existed and it is a side I don't like. I never realized how much attention, admiration, and credit she needed for everything until it came time to planning my shower and it was about her and not me. Luckily I found this out and now a different bm is planning the bachelorette (to relieve the undue pressure placed on her).
Sweeney2Be, it's really not your business to decide who is in your friend's bridal party. "Cream sauce" may be a royal pain in the rear, but you are giving her way too much thought and energy. You know the saying, "Don't borrow trouble"? Just let it go. 
UPDATE
I should have mentioned that she did look to me for advice on how to boot- but I only had limited adive on it...so I wasn't being nosey...I was helping her out. :-)
SHe's thankful for all your help, at this point I believe that she's going to soilder through it all and kleep her in. Even knowing her day might go up in flames because of it she just can't boot her (of but her FI and her mom wants CS out bad!)
Dreambml - this was a very close friend, I've known her 16 years and the otehr bride has known her for 5. It wasn't until (a lot like caliocteach's story) being in our weddings turned her into this maid-zilla who demanded everything to be her way, in mine it was everything down tothe food and cake. She wants the glory and the attention. I totally agree with your "not about even sides" and that your closest should be there with you! It's why I booted her in the end because I coulnd't care anymore. And I wanted my closest friends there with me.
You didn't sound PMS-y to me at all ;-)
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Lyndzo | 26 |
| Ms. Salamander | 18 |
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| beargoose | 15 |
| kat2014 | 15 |
| mypinkshoes | 15 |
| aussiebee | 15 |
| Mrs. Chai | 14 |
| ticatica | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| j_jaye | 4 |
| Lyndzo | 4 |
| HiroshymaTetrastar | 4 |
| JenRoses | 4 |
| KristenGotMarried | 3 |
| MissPumpkinPie | 3 |
| les105 | 3 |
| mypinkshoes | 3 |
| PinkPinstripes | 2 |
| Regina Phalange | 2 |
Okay gals...you'll never guess..."Cream Sauce" the horrible BM I booted from my wedding and then STUPIDLY allowed her to attend my wedding - is in my friends wedding 2 weeks before mine.
Well The Horrid BM is terrorizing her and has been for some time. I keep telling her to boot her, I've even offered to take her place in the wedding to help things out. I've talked up the coolness of eneven wedding parties. And we've talked about how we both know that her wedding day will be super stressful because of the BM.
She's very non-confromtational, never ever wants to hurt anyone no matter how much they hurt her. And now "Cream Sauce" is not coming to her bridal shower claiming to have to work...on a day her office isn't even open!!
You all know, that this Horrid BM will DESTROY my sweet friends wedding day, and drive her through stress city, so I thought maybe whatever you guys have to say I could e-mail to her in support of her getting rid of the BM to keep her wedding day smooth and happy. My friend has already said once the wedding is over there's no need to ever talk to her again...so there's really nothing to salvage, friendship-wise.
Help me help her!
BAN CREAM SAUCE!