Weddingbee boards

My FI has been steadily gaining weight for years. I overlooked it at first, I didn't want to be shallow or nag him about it, I loved him for who he was. Right after we got engaged, I was excited and exclaiming that I now had a reason to get into shape (had been fighting with myself for about a year about getting to the gym), and he loses his job, meaning he became an even bigger couch potato than before.

I have kept it to myself for years now about how I feel about his weight, and I know I was partially keeping this problem going by loving to cook and make yummy things for him. But I have fluctuated between 110-120 lbs my whole life, and I guess I just know when to stop eating?

He went out and bought himself new clothes for his new job yesterday (yay!) and when he put them on this morning I told him he looked handsome and to have a great day. But I noticed that his shirts are now XL instead of just L :( He mentioned for the very first time yesterday about getting a gym membership (double yay!) but it always seems like if I get excited and start mentioning things (like oh there's a place down the street, or have you looked for gyms in the area where work is? or do you want to go for a walk tonight?) he gets defensive and stops talking about it. I just wanted to help I didn't think I was being overzealous!

I just want to know how I can help FI without nagging or pushing him or whatever will make him spiral back onto that couch every night. He loves his red meat and scotch in the evenings, and if I even mention the word calories he calls me a party pooper and gets angry. When we first met he bragged about being a swimmer in highschool and I have never seen him in good shape. I don't want to be the bad guy but I was hoping that we could start our lives as husband and wife in the best shape of our lives! Its impacting a lot of areas in our relationship that I dont even think he realizes. I haven't been physically attracted to him in a long time, but I love him and I still try and initiate sex but it's getting harder to. And he's started refusing me because he's too tired (from being lazy :( )

I'm freaking out because I want to be with him forever, I just want him to be healthy and not get diabetes or have a heart attack. I have always made sure to stay somewhat in shape, but I feel like he just doesn't care, which is wholly depressing. Does anyone have any advice?

I try to cook, but half the time he ends up kicking me out of the kitchen :P  I was on a really good streak for a while, cooking every day, but I fell out of it. I start getting bored with what I'm cooking and then since I can't figure out anything to make we go get fast food, blah! I'm going to try and get back on track with that, no more eating out. Does anyone have any recommendations for yummy healthy recipes? I swear if I use anything other than butter or vegetable oil in my cooking FI says he notices :\

I am trying to set by example, but I don't think I'm trying hard enough. I have the worst motivation for working out since I'm not heavy myself. FI is a homebody so just getting him outside is a feat in itself, but I'll keep trying.

I wish I could, he's just not interested in doing any of those things. I just said jokingly last night that I wish we had a dog because then we would need to go for a walk every day :) But every time I say "oh we should go to the museum today, or the park, etc" he just says "mehhh". His laziness is feeding his laziness and its starting to drive me crazy.

You're right babyboo, I have become a little dependent on him and I never want to leave him alone :P Thanks for the advice, I will do all these things (even though I have no friends, I have no problem going somewhere by myself :) )

I have been, and am still kinda in, this same situation. I tried asking him if he would like to go for a walk and he usually said no, or if he did say yes he'd only walk for 20 minutes. I tried to make sure there were healthier foods in the house, but I work nights PLUS I actually need to work on gaining weight as I am, and have always been, too thin. Plus, I don't eat well myself (like you!) sooooo, it's tough for me.

Finally, two things helped. One, we scheduled our e-pics and I talked about them a bit and how I was working to try to get good skin, drink more water, etc. so I'd look my best. He mentioned that he hoped to lose weight. But the second thing was, after having a couple of direct convos (which I think is needed, emphasize that you love him, and are still attracted to him, but now the future is more real - at least that's the way it seemed to me - and I wanted us both to be more healthy). Anyway, those talks didn't stick so finally we got in a big fight about something else, and I brought up his weight. The thing with us is, sometimes I really have to yell at him to get him to listen to me. I'm not saying I'd recoomend that...it's just how it turned out for us.

He started doing Weight Watchers on his own. He's not really doing it hardcore, but he has lost some weight.

Anyways, me advice is: keep healthy foods around, keep asking him to join you but if he says no, just go on your own, talk to him directly, honestly, and kindly...and if worse comes to worst, yell! Just kidding about the yelling part. Good luck!

ktbrady: LOL omg that was like reading my life story! That's why I don't bring things up like this, because I know it will go ignored until we fight about something completely unrelated and I get angry enough to get a little vindictive :P But then it will just be mean, so, I end up just letting it bottle up inside. Vicious circle, and thats part of the reason it puts a strain on us I guess.

I will keep all these things in mind, thanks you guys. I came home to FI making jambalaya, is that healthy?! I guess I'll start tomorrow :)

  I'm actually opposite of this. My BF is a fairly healthy eater, he's always been in good shape, while I have always been overweight. One day, he talked to me, and was very upset. He said that he was worried about my health (I don't make the best food choices, and while I like exercise once I'm into it, it's hard to take that first step) and that he wanted me around for a long time. Seeing that he was so sincere made me want to make a better effort.

  Also, it honestly took me seeing pictures of myself to want to change. I saw a picture of myself around Thanksgiving 2008, and I realized that I looked AWFUL. I decided to wait until Christmas was over. On January 1st, 2009, I went and signed up for Weight Watchers. I was at the heaviest that I had been by a long shot. I ended up losing about 36 lbs. I've gained half back, so I am getting back on board with it. I just felt so much better about myself! It was fun to make those good choices :-).

  What worked best for me was when my BF would lead by example (as what some of the other posters said). Taking a walk, at first, was kind of a pain. Plus, there could be an embarassment factor. Maybe your guy is worried that he won't be able to keep up, or he'll look silly. Also, even though originally I wanted to lose the weight for the BF, it became something that I had to do for myself. I almost didn't like telling him what I was doing, because even though I was proud of a small change that I made, I felt like he didn't think it was as big of an accomplishment as I did. Eventually, it has to be something you do for yourself.

  I would say that after you say your piece, continue to lead by example. He will eventually catch on...sometimes, we just need to hit that point ourselves. Keep talking about the great recipes, exercise things, etc. that you've found...he will get interested!