Helping FI's family pay for the rehearsal dinner – bad idea?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i’d try to cut down – why would you have 40 people at the rehearsal? that seems very large. i would have him bring it up with his parents when you are not around (so they don’t feel judged, and can be more honest). 

have him say, ‘i think having the rehearsal dinner here would be challenging because of x, y, z.’ is there another option or venue we can talk about?’ and see what happens. maybe they would be receptive to an alternative, maybe not. 

does an aunt, family friend etc live closer than 45 minutes? she could make the food prior, pop it in that person’s oven and go to the rehearsal and everyone could come back for dinner. my parents hosted a rehearsal dinner for a family friend one time, maybe they have friends or family that would be willing to do so. 


Post # 4
3476 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Since the whole wedding is your responsibility (all gifts and offers to help welcome but at the end of the day it’s yours) then no I do not think offering to pay is a bad idea.  I also second cutting down on the number of guests.  If you need to, provide pizza…

Post # 6
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with you thst 45 min is too far of a drive , ESP the night before your big day.  my mil also Wanted to invite all of my husbands out of town Family to our rehearsal dinner .  I didnt want half of the guests to be attending the dinner (we only had 100 people at wedding ) and by inviting their out of town family I would have needed to do the same , and we would end up with like 50 people lol.  I kindly said ‘I know you are hosting the dinner so ultimately it’s your choice , but I was really looking forward to having a more low key evening with our close friends and family.’ I also threw in how I would feel weird handing out bridal party gifts kn front of people who I wouldn’t be giving gifts too, she sided with me in the end.  


Just say its too far sbd since you can’t use the house would they like you to contribute a little toward the bill? 

Post # 7
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@theredhead:  My fella’s father passed away 14+ years ago and his mother is barely supporting herself (she is on government assistance and lives in section 8 housing). We are shouldering the financial burden of the engagement party and the rehearsal dinner – granted neither events are “necessary” to the wedding, we would like to have them and are therefore paying for them. I know “etiquette” says the bride’s family pays for the wedding and the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner but the last time I checked, not many of us had Brady Bunch backgrounds. Do what you feel comfortable with. 


We are also paying for her to have a nice, new outfit for the engagement party, bridal shower and wedding but that’s for another time…

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