Helping him save for the ring?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

BunnyBee84:  You wouldn’t really be saving that money for him, you would be saving it for you. Once he gives you his share of the expenses it’s no longer his money.

I suggest you have a discussion with him about this idea. What you could suggest is that you each contribute to the household expenses proportionately to what you earn. Many couples do that. That would free up some of his money to save for a ring.

Post # 4
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

I see what your trying to accomplish but I also feel it could backfire if he were to take it the wrong way.  I think the first priority would be to sit down and have a discussion about everything. I know my FI takes it exceptionally hard when he’s not the bread winner but at the end of the day both of your finances will most likely be combined when you marry. Your money is his money and vice versa once marriage is on the table. Perhaps you split the cost of a ring or buy something from an antique shop to keep cost down. 

Post # 5
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

BunnyBee84:  OP, I have been in a similar spot. DH and I now make more money, but I have always made twice what he makes. Our compromise has been splitting bills along a percentage that relatea to our incomes. So I make about 60% of total income, so I pay 65% of our bills, while DH pays about 35%. This allowed DH to save for a ring and still afford his bills. Perhaps you two could creat a similiar compromise. 

Post # 8
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

BunnyBee84:  You should pay proportionate to your respective incomes.  Sounds like you might be doing that but I’m not sure if that is still true now that you are making more money?  If paying 25% of the living expenses is tapping out all of his income, then you collectively need to move to a less pricey apartment.  No bank will qualify you for a mortgage if your housing expenses are more than 28-34 percent of your income.  If you really want to marry him, then a ring is beside the point, but you need to be making joint long-term financial decisions.

Post # 10
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

He might feel he can’t ask without one, and it looks like you’d be waiting a long time in that case. Why not just have a talk about proposals without rings? There’s nothing wrong with that and you can save up for one yourself (or together) afterwards. If you want to be engaged (and you want him to do the proposing) surely the ring is secondary to that decision.

Post # 11
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If it’s a pride thing where he feels he HAS to be the one to propose and he HAS to do it with a ring, perhaps he could propose with a plain band, and you could save together for a more elaborate wedding band along with all the other wedding expenses. Men often get their pride hurt when they are not on good financial footing so if it really is a pride thing, then you’ll have to find creative solutions like this for many years. So it’s good practice.

Post # 12
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

i don’t think you should pay for your engagement ring. you might risk emasculating him, or resenting him in the long run. like Taiki ^ said, you can be engaged without a ring. you could also get a placeholder ring and upgrade when he has more money. my first engagement ring was a gemstone and less than $200 and once my FI got his ducks in a row he upgraded and it meant the world to me. i think you should let him give you the ring in his own time, but i don’t see a problem in having an affordable one for now. 

 

Post # 13
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I make more than DH by about the same amount, with him at 25%. I picked out a $650 engagement ring because it’s what he could afford easily and that’s what mattered to me! Maybe you feel similarly?

Post # 14
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think that’s a lovely idea. Be honest and tell him why u did it, hopefully he understands. I lost my first engagement ring my bf bought me(gasp!) so I bought the 2nd ring I have. Good luck I hope it all works out for u!

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

BunnyBee84:  Just talk to him about it, I think this is a totally fine idea.  I make twice as much as my partner until he finishes an apprenticeship, and “my” money was definitely used for the ring purchase.  We have combined finances so it’s less clearly my money, but he wouldn’t have been able to get the ring he got if he was just doing it from his own money.  

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