(Closed) "Helping With The Ring" advice, part deux.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7238 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@badabing88:  Honestly, I think it’s a normal response. Traditionally the man would pay for the ring, surprise you with a proposal.. the whole thing. But logically it just doesn’t make sense. I mean… the point of the proposal is that you’re going to start your life together, which means your finances will combine at least in some respect. So do you want your husband to have a huge debt going into your marriage? I don’t. 

Here’s what I think… do his plan- half goes to your ring, half to the wedding- then he keeps saving and adds the other “half” to either the wedding fund or toward a present for you on your wedding day. Or some kind of excursion or upgrade on your honeymoon. 

Post # 4
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eventually your finances will be combined anyways, so I don’t see a problem with helping him pay for the ring.  Especially if you make similar amounts of money and helping him out would speed up the process.

 

It would only bother me if he made a lot more money than you and you were pitching in.  Then I think it doesn’t make sense.  I expect my SO to pay for the whole thing because he makes about twice as much as I do…

Post # 7
Member
7238 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@badabing88:  I totally feel you. My SO keeps getting hit with crazy bills and things too and I know it’s stressing him out because he wants to get married and wants to buy me a nice ring. In fact, on Monday he drove me out of the apartment complex to my car because I was taking a big duffle bag with me (I was going to housesit for a week). He pulled along side my car & threw his hazards on while I got out and pulled my bag from the back seat. As I was getting in my car I saw that a cop pulled him over! He was going to give him a ticket for a moving violation and blocking traffic. I felt SOOOO bad!!  Then I got all selfish and all I could think was “Great! How many more MONTHS is that going to cost me?!” Luckily, the cop had mercy on him and let him go with a warning. SIGH.

Post # 9
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@badabing88:  You said it right, in the end it’s a partnership for the rest of your life and this is just the beginning.

 

The alternative is waiting until he can afford what you want.  But that involves waiting longer to get engaged.  That’s what I pretty much did.  He knew I had expensive tastes and told me a year ago that he didn’t have that much saved up since he had totalled his last car and bought a brand new one.  He’s been working a ton at work the last 3 months and has been accumulating a bunch of overtime so I think that was what finally got him to wear he could propose.

 

How old are you?  If you’re fairly young, maybe it’s worth waiting?

Post # 10
Member
7238 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@badabing88:  LOL It’s horrible, isn’t it? SIIIIIGH. I feel a little better about the whole him saving for the ring thing since our plan is for me to move in with him, not pay rent and save for the wedding. Ultimately, I think his >2k investment is a steal. 😛

Post # 13
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@badabing88:  25 was when I started bugging him and he said not yet because he hasn’t saved up the money.  I’m 26 now (3.5 years together), and I think it was worth the wait.  A year ago I would have gotten a pretty ring but probably smaller than and not exactly what I wanted.  And actually, strangely enough, my tastes have changed a bunch since then too.  Now I’m pretty sure I’m getting exactly what I want with a bigger budget (we’re very lucky, He tells me he’s spending no more than $10k, but I hope it’s closer to 8… a year ago it would have probably been closer to $5k).

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