(Closed) HELP…Kicking bridesmaid out

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you should make an effort to figure out if there’s something going on in the background that’s causing her to act this way before kicking her out with a month to go.

Post # 4
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mrs Grape: Agreed. I’d let it ride. It’s less than a month out, and as long as she’s not throwing a hissy fit, I think she’s just being rude, not disruptive. Not everyone will be as excited as we’d hoped they will be (the cell phone thing, the focusing on themselves rather than trying to not make you feel bad about the dress choice, etc), but I’d just try to chat with her and see if everything’s ok.

You don’t have to be a push-over though. If she’s mad about the heels/dress/whatever, just let her know that there was plenty of notice for the time/place to meet up and go over it before decisions were made. You’re sorry she couldn’t make it but you’re glad she’s got the dress, etc. I’d avoid kicking her out, though, it may be way more drama than is necessary. 

Post # 5
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry, but that really isn’t enough to kick someone out over. Just be firm with her about the shoes and anything else she complains about. Unless she starts being deliberately rude or does something absolutely inexcusable, in which case the booting can be reconsidered.

Post # 6
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why not just talk to her instead of letting your anger get the better of you? Surely if you’ve known her this long she’s remained in your life for some readon.

Post # 7
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know it can be awkward, but you should probably just talk to her about it.  I agree with others….it sounds like there’s something else going on with her.   Friends are funny sometimes, and although it’s uncomfortable now, you’ll get over it for someone you’ve been friends with for years.  

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@linguo42: I agree. She might have been having a bad day. I really don’t think anything she has done that you mentioned in your post is worthy of being given the boot. Unless there is more to the story I would let it go.

Post # 9
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She could have some stuff going on -personal life things, maybe a little jealously, weddings can be hard for people – who knows, but you have to talk to her about it first without the whole “ZOMG THIS IS MY DAY” attitude.  If she’s a friend, the “friend” part should come first.  If she doesn’t open up to your or is standoffish, you can flat out ask her “do you still want to be in my wedding, because I feel like you’re not enjoying any of this and I dont want it be a chore for you!?”   Maybe she’ll take the opportunity for an out and you’ll be set, but honestly, if she says she still wants to be in the wedding, a month away and after she’s bought the dress, I think you’ll just have to deal. 

As for the shoes – I just don’t get why brides care. Who is going to look at her feet? Everyone is going to be looking at YOU! If she wants to wear heels, how does that affect you or any of the other girls wearing flats? I dunno – I know this is a preference thing and I don’t want to start a battle over shoes – but heels vs flats seems like a fight that doesn’t really need to be fought. 

Post # 10
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree in talking with her about it. I’m sorry she isn’t there for you as you’re expecting her, but there could be a lot of other things going on in her life that you don’t know about. And I also agree about picking your battles. Shoes aren’t a big deal to me either. As long as they’re comfortable, no one is going to be looking at their feet. And the other few things, she just didn’t come along for bridesmaid things that you had planned. People have lives and can’t always do things when you’re looking to do them. She seems like a normal bridesmaid to me. I think you need to cut her a bit of slack.

Post # 11
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

damn rights , you have every right to kick her outta your wedding party if you choose too.. its your wedding day and it should be perfect & Beautiful, you dont need a little Drama queen there, and trying to please her on your wedding day if she keeps acting like that.. but You should talk to her first beings you have been friends since the age of 5.. but if it doesn’t help then I would tell her you don’t want her in the wedding party.. Your Bridesmaids are suppose to be there helping you through things and helping getting things done. Not acting the way she is. But Best Wishes on what you choose to do. Hope you have a Wonderful wedding day. =)

Post # 12
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

While you do have every right to kick her out. Just remember you chose her to be in your bridal party for a reason. Remember that reason and go talk to her. One on one not confrontational just kinda tell how these experiences are making you feel. Tell her you feel like she is pulling away from you towards her new group of friends and slowly changing. If your honest with her and open I don’t see a reason why any reasonable childhood friend wouldn’t understand and attempt to bridge that gap. You only have a month to go. Its not worth the stress to kick her out and deal with the back lash from her after she purchased the bridesmaids dress.

Post # 13
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MuchGreater: Your a month out from your wedding so do what you think is best

 

Post # 14
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I really don’t think you should kick her out. That is a certain way to end a friendship, and she really hasn’t done much that is completely worthy of ending a friendship. Like others said, just try talking to her and seeing if there is something going on her life right now that is making it particularly frustrating to try and coordinate dresses or whatever, but even if you have one bridesmaid who isn’t thrilled to be there…well, either she will or won’t show up on the day of, wearing the appropriate dress, but also don’t let that be YOUR problem or concern.

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I had a BM who started acting like this about 4 months out and it just kept getting worse until I kicked her out.  Everyone is much happier now.

Post # 16
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

1. We met together for the 1st time she was late and playing on her cell some of the time.-

I don’t see this as such a big deal.  She isn’t as close to the rest of the group, so it’s natural that she wouldn’t be as involved in the conversations.

2. We met again and she decided to go out of town with sorors instead of being at the luncheon… which immediately afterwards we were going to David’s Bridal to try on the dresses. Everyone else tried on the dresses, had a blast, and bought them.   

When did she make the plans to go out with the other friends?  I don’t think the dresses has to be this big deal.  She isn’t required to go to a luncheon with you, as a part of her BM duties.  If she was talking to you at other times, I think it’s just not a big deal.

3. When she got in town, she had to go alone, try on the dress, order it, and I HAD TO PICK IT UP… (long story).

If you couldn’t or didn’t want to pick it up, you shouldn’t have.  You chose to do her a favour, I am sure if you couldn’t get the dress, she would have figured out a way.  I also think it’s not a big deal that she went alone to try it and buy it.  What difference does it make.  It is her that had to do it. 

4. She tried it on at MY Bridal Shower last night afterwards,,, and complained, complained, complained AND CRIED… I was like ugh. She thinks its too big (YOU TRIED IT ON  AND BOUGHT IT), she asked could she have on heels…when she knows all the other girls will have flats, she is just being difficult.

She doesn’t have to like the dress.  Yes it is nice if the BM’s like the dresses, but if it is not their style, colour, fabric of choice it’s not really a problem.  Now if she walked around the wedding openly speaking out about the hideousness of the dress, that would be impolite.  She bought the dress because it mattered to you, in spite of obviously not liking it.  

The heels also not a big deal.  It is her feet and if she isn’t comfortable in flats then so be it.  I don’t think her footwear is really your concern.  You as her friend should be putting her comfort above your idea for a perfect photo op.

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