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Sorry to hear this is bothering you, especially because the shower/bachlorette stuff is normally things that the bride doesn't have to get involved with.
It is definetly becoming more commonplace that parents and siblings host showers, I think most people understand that. It really is tacky to invite people who are not invited to the wedding though! I would suggest trying to remain as firm as possible on that point, because it really isn't fair. If after everything they still invite people who aren't invited to the wedding there really isn't anything you can do about it, but remember that its not a reflection of you it is a reflection of them.
If you are unhappy with the idea of having 2 bachelorette parties, you could always refer to the Las Vegas weekend and a bridemaid weekend, something like that. Its really nice that your bridesmaids want to plan so much stuff! If they want to do a bachelorette party and have gifts then I don't think that is odd, typically bachelorette party gifts are themed to either be underwear or makeup but it probably doesn't really matter. The only concern would be if they wanted to have a whole day dedicated to a shower/bachelorette which would probably be a bit long.
Standard Ettiquette suggests that the shower can take place anytime after the invitations are sent out, up to 2 weeks before the wedding.
Hope this helps!
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This is my first post, and I am hoping someone can help me out. I am having trouble sorting out the who/what/whens of my bridal shower & bachelorette party.
We are getting married in August and having just under 130 guests at the wedding. My fiancé has a large family who will be invited to the wedding, and because of this, a lot of our parent’s close friends are not invited to the wedding. Both of our parents are okay with this (we are paying for the wedding, and they want us to do what we want, not try to do what we think will make other people happy) but both of our mom’s want to have showers for me with their circle of friends.
I feel awkward having our moms host showers (kind of feels like a gift grab), plus they want to invite people who are not invited to the wedding. I have talked to them about this, and they both have said the same sort of thing; “Their friend’s understand that why they aren’t invited to the wedding, but want to celebrate with us anyways”
My bridesmaids also wanted to have some type of shower for “the younger ladies”, but don’t want to do the typical shower. They are planning a trip to Vegas for my bachelorette party, but it will be just me and the bridesmaids that are going on the trip. I know that thy also want to throw something local for my friends who will not be going away with us. They were thinking of have a shower/bachelorette night combo. Maybe going out for dinner/drinks/girl chat, and then a night of dancing. I don’t know if it’s okay to combine the shower & bachelorette, or if they should be two separate events.
Also, when is the appropriate time to have a shower? If I end up having more than one, I don’t want them to be too close together.
I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this because I don’t know what to do.