Here I am…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Elle5yrsAndCounting:  Does he say what goals he wants to reach before you get married?  Did you tell him that you are afraid of getting resentful?  What visions of “wedding” do you both have?

 

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@Elle5yrsAndCounting:  snatch your kids out of their comfort zone seems a little traumatic. If it was me I’d tell him how long I’m comfortable waiting to be engaged by giving a reasonable timeline.

Something like ‘I love you and I want to marry you in the near future and I see the next step forward being engagement. It is very important to me and I don’t feel comfortable waiting beyond ‘xyz date. If you need a little more time I’m willing to compromise an ideal timeframe for us both. 

Post # 8
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Once he settles into and feels secure in his new job, maybe he’ll be more willing to plan something.  It sounds like he’s a good man, and wants to get money to get you a ring?  Maybe revisit things with him in 6 months?

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think men need to feel financially secure before they make the commitment of getting married. It’s in their nature the desire to provide for the family and to give us the best they can afford, so I think it is natural that he wants to find the job that will provide for his family before he asks you to marry him.

I know how frustraiting it can be to wait… wait… wait… and wait a bit more… for him to decide upon the topic of marriage, but it seems there’s little we can do.

I’m not yet engaged, but talking about marriage in a casual and playful way seems to be working with my SO… but if bringing up the topic is stressing you out, I wouldn’t recommend you to do it…

Maybe what other bees have suggested is a good idea: try revisiting marriage in 6 months, but be cool about it!

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