(Closed) Here I thought I was being easy! (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i think this is a first! i have heard all kinds of stories about BMs not liking the dress that was picked for them and causing the bride stress.  now you are stressed because you want to get their own! i guess you can’t please everyone!  stress is no fun though, so you have my sympathy  🙂    i am sure it will work itself out eventually.

Post # 4
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can relate… I only had 2 BMs, but I asked them to pick out whatever they liked since they had very different tastes in clothes, and I thought it’d be nice not to have BM clones. I was going for teal, but in the interest of making it simple, I said anything in the blue-green spectrum would be great. One of the BMs kept pushing for matching dresses, which kind of drove me crazy for a bit. I’d see her a suggest a dress, the other BM would look not too excited, so then she’d say, “oh that’s ok we can keep looking.”

They ended up with the same dress… that’s ok too, but I was trying to make it easy for them, and I really liked the idea of them looking like they dressed themselves and didn’t look like my BM minions. 

I think some people are used to the idea that a wedding party is supposed to look a certain way… 

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hi girls, I’d like to offer a different view. This is my personal experience as a bridesmaid who got to choose her dress. My friend, the bride, asked the three of us, the BMs to wear short, below the knee, black dresses. It sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? But she also wanted to make sure that the shades of black didn’t clash and that one dress wouldn’t be too shiny while others too opaque. I agree that all of these concerns are more than valid. However, all three of us lived in different cities and it’s hard to match black fabric with just pictures. Everything did end up fine as the bride was very happy with our choices of dress and she didn’t seem to mind that my dress was silk slightly shiny and the other two were of a more jersey material. My friend was super easy indeed. However all of the bridesmaid were super worried about our dresses as we didn’t really have a chance to see them side by side until the rehearsal dinner. So I think sometime it’s just less stressful for the BMs going with the same dress. Also keep in mind that teal blue isn’t black, so some of the BMs may never wear a teal blue dress again. I completely understand why you’d be annoyed, but I thought it’d be good for you to step into their shoes for a second bc maybe they are wanting to go with the same dress of your liking and choice so that they can make sure you’re happy with how their dresses look on your wedding day. 

Post # 6
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that my BM was trying to sweet and she cared about how they looked together for my sake.. but in all honesty I didn’t care how mismatched they were, and I tried to convey that over and over again to no avail. I had even picked teal for them at first because I had gone shopping with them less than a year before (before I was engaged) and I knew they both had teal dresses with very different styles – in my head they wouldn’t even need to buy dresses. Turns out that one sold it after wearing it once (which I forgot she does with dresses often), and the other had returned hers because it didn’t fit right. But I’m digressing way too much here…

As far as the OP is concerned, if mismatched is the look she’s going for, then I agree it’s a harder task to make sure everyone is not wearing the same dress but still looks cohesive, and as a bridesmaid it’s easier just to go with something someone else found in an acceptable shade. Nevertheless, I can still relate to trying to make it easy on everyone and it totally backfiring on you 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@soon2bhis:

Thank you being so receptive of differing opinions =) I think you’re a really great person, and I’m sure you’ll be able to work out something with your BMs. Maybe you can send them some styles and ideas that you like and just let them know along which line to look for a dress. Keep us posted on the outcome =) All the best!

 

Post # 9
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This EXACT thing happened to me.  I picked my BMs (5) and told them I wanted them to pick out a green dress and sent lots of pictures of weddings with BMs in different color/style dresses and how great I thought it looked.

My mom and dad freaked out, telling me it will ruin all the pictures and all this crap.

Then the girls started telling me ‘just tell them what to wear’, none of them were interested in me not telling them exactly what they have to do.

Whatever. I tried to make things easy, nobody was down for it… so I sucked it up and found a color, fabric, designer I was fine with and told them all to pick whatever style they wanted.  Now they are happy.

Go figure.

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Get a bunch of photos of mis-matched maids, and SHOW them what you are after.

Post # 11
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Did that, and the OP said she did too.

I got negative responses from all my BMs and especially my parents.  I loved all my inspiration pics and they thought it didn’t look ‘put together’ enough or something.  IMO, BMs will all the same dress looks contrived and forced.  No one naturally would ever actually choose to wear the exact same dress in a group of women. Lucily, out of my 5 BMs, only two ended up picking the same dress.  So, despite the same fabric, length, and color.  There will still be some variety.

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Could you try researching some actual dresses online? I also wanted my BMs to wear different dresses, so I sent them a bunch of links of dresses that I liked and that I thought worked. Then they each picked a different dress. 2 of them picked dresses I suggested, and 2 selected something else that they liked better, but I didn’t get any complaints!

Post # 14
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@soon2bhis:  My bridesmaids were mismatched and it looked fantastic!  The only thing that was consistent was the color and length of the dresses.  Show your Mom some of the David’s Bridal catalog’s or web pages with the mismatched dresses and maybe that will help her see what you’re going for and that it can look good. 

Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sometimes for the bridemaids, its just easier on them if they are told what to wear! I dont really know how to explain, other than use a child as an example. You may tell a child that they can go and pick out their own clothing, but your still the parent, and they want to make sure all final decions go threw you! I personally think thats how bridesmaids sometimes feel, that they have to make sure all the final decions are up to you.

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