Post # 1
Ok, if you don’t know my whingy story yet here’s a run down
Ex of 5 years broke up with me almost a month ago because he doesn’t know if I’m the ‘one’ anymore. He then sent me flowers, has been contacting even since etc. I picked up my things from him last week and he was emotional about it.
So it’s Friday morning (today) He messages me, asking if we can catch up. He also asks if I could make a list of all the things I want for my future, what I want in a husband and what I would like him to change ( I assume the last one is for if we ever got together again).
He said that whatever time for catching up suits me is fine and that he will work around it. I replied and said okay (he is making a list too), however I would let him know what time suits me. I’m stuck.
We have the engagment party tomorrow night that he will be at which is finishes early (9pm). So we could chat then when I hopefully make his jaw drop because I look so nice! – or we could chat Sunday late morning/afternoon.
What would you pick? I’m leaning towards Sunday so that
1. We are not tired after the party
2. So that he is not affected by alcohol (he usually only has 1 or 2 beers but I would rather have his full attention)
3. It will be the first time we see each other since we broke up and I don’t want us to make an irrational decision/be nervous etc from seeing him for the first time. I feel like I’ll be calmer if we talk the day after I see him.
I don’t want it to be tonight because I’m planning on doing my washing hair/fake tan for tomorrow (ahaha!) and I’m busy during the day tomorrow.
I know this is so petty but I don’t want to stuff it up. Is it rude to make him wait? Does it sound like he would want to get back together? I DONT WANT TO GET MY HOPES UP AAH!
Post # 3
@AussieSummer: It’s not rude at all to make him wait. He left you, make him wait, make him sweat.
Post # 4
What do you want from the relationship?
Post # 5
I want him back . This is the only blow out we’ve ever had.
Post # 6
Sunday sounds like the right day to meet up; you listed great reasons. I’m not a fan of making people wait just to make them wait, but if that’s what you want to do, go ahead.
It sounds like he’s trying to see if the two of you are right for each other. To keep yourself from getting your hopes up, try not to go into this with the focus being on getting back together. Instead, focus on seeing if you and he really are compatible enough to be husband and wife.
Post # 7
@AussieSummer: My vote is to not meet him at all and move on. I think it’s rude of him to ask for that list when you were together for 5 years. He already knows you and now he wants you to sell him on you?
I would show up to that party looking amazing and tell him I’m sorry but I already gave you 5 years to get to know me.
Post # 8
On the one hand, I’m thinking that you should meet him on Sunday so that you don’t spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had gone through with the meeting.
On the other hand, I don’t think it bodes well that he doesn’t think you’re “the one” after 5 years. He should know you by now, and if he’s not sure now, he’s unlikely to ever be sure. If you meet him with the idea that you want him back, you might end up feeling even more hurt and disappointed.
The odds are very much against you; getting back together rarely works out, because there is a reason the break-up happened in the first place. There are obviously exceptions to this, but I wouldn’t assume that this situation is one of the exceptions.
Also, if you get back together now, would you trust him to propose to you, plan a wedding with you and actually go through with it?
Also, it’s likely that he’s been contacting you because he wants to ease his guilt, not because he actually wants to be in a relationship with you.
Post # 9
Sunday for sure, I would be worried that the loving rosey glow from an engagement party might have some influence.
Post # 10
4. Tell him to fuck off, the waste of space, and never bother me again with his fuckwittery.
How you could trust him after the Grade A bullshit he’s given you over the last few weeks is beyond me.
Post # 11
I agree with some of the PPs: he had 5 years to determine if he wanted to be with you and the resounding conclusion he came to was NO. Being with you any longer isn’t going to magically make him see you in a new light. How dare he.
Post # 12
@Baal: This is exactly what I thought in my head as I read this.
OP, he is playing games.
Post # 13
@AussieSummer: Why does he want a list? Is a list really going to show him something that 5 years couldn’t? Very strange.
I would go on sunday not saturday. It sounds lilke you want to and i think you will always wonder if you don’t. However, I think you should be with someone who after 5 years knows they want to be with you and knows you are the one. A person shouldn’t need convincing to be with you – they should want it to start with. Do you want to spend the rest of your life constantly convinving him that you are still worth it?
Post # 14
Why extend your suffering by seeing him again? He’s shown you his true colors. Time to move on.
Post # 15
Nothing tricky about this, he’s playing games. I would never trust him again. But you clearly want him back so do what you want.
Post # 16
The idea that you would spend so long together without being somewhat sure that you’d consider being married, at least, is so strange to me. Will you go down this list of future husband qualities and check them off, and discover a surprise – like that you’ve always wanted to marry a fireman, but that he’s not a fireman, so I guess it’s not meant to be?
I mean, I guess the list idea is a sign he’s serious, but at the same time, it sounds so strange to me, and also maybe a little excuse-y. Will there really be any revelations with a list that you didn’t have by being together for 5 years?
He acted impulsively, it sounds like, and there are a lot of emotions involved. So he’s trying really hard to take a rational approach, rather than an emotional one. But the list idea still feels weird to me!