Post # 1
so i have been with the bf for about 5 years now… we have always talked about getting married and I have no doubt in my mind that he is THE ONE. However, lately he has really been acting like an A-HOLE. he has always had very high expectations of both himself and others, but his expectations and work ethic are two different things. as of late, I have been having a difficult time with me and I am trying to figure out what it is that i want out of my professional life. i quit my full time job (which literally took a HUUGE toll on my personal life) and went back to a serving job, which he works at with me. he has been bouncing around from job to job since we met and he went back to school 2 years ago. he just landed a really great real estate job where he will be making a lot of money and has suddenly become a very nit-picky, jerk! everything i do or don’t do is just not right. i can be doing something and he comes out and starts yelling at me about something else that needs to get done. I am getting frustrated and sick of feeling like i’m defending myself… and to TOP THAT… we have been discussing actual wedding plans where he has picked a wedding date but hasn’t proposed yet! he tells me that i am not ready to be engaged because I don’t have a full time job to support it… WHAT GIVES?!?!?!
Post # 3
((HUGS)) I think it sounds like something else is bothering him. Does he feel that you aren’t equally contributing because of your server job. Are you in school or anything like that? It sounds like he feels that he is done with his education and perhaps thinks you should go to school as well? I am giving him the benefit of the doubt but he really sounds like hes being a grade A jerk and is forgetting that he too worked the server job a while back and now he is acting like the job is beneath him or something like that. Perhaps the two of you should discuss your life goals and plans for the next five years and once he sees that you too are wanting to live in the professional realm you will be okay. Again, a lot of what you’re saying concerns me because I feel like he is very controlling. How can he tell YOU that you aren’t ready to be engaged? I guess I’m just not comfortable with the entire situation or conversation and I hope perhaps I’m misreading something.
Post # 4
I think that Crebre80 hit the nail on the head…It does seem like he things that he now has a grown up job and doesnt understand why you wont follow suit…so i think he is acting like this because he thinks that you should be at the same place in your life as he is….your goals are YOUR goals not his goals for you…and it almost does seem like he is trying to tell you what to do…and using getting engaged as his reason to do so.
Post # 5
If the man who is supposed to love you is yelling at you and finding fault with everything you do, back away NOW. It’s time for counseling, if not a break.
If you aren’t already living with him, do not move in with him until he is ready to act like a gentleman. If you are, moving out just might give him the wake-up call he needs (even if it means living with relatives for a while).
People who yell at and nit-pick their lovers do NOT make good long-term partners, and you’d be surprised at what kinds of people turn out to be abusive. No matter how much it hurts, it may be best to tell him that if he doesn’t behave respectfully, you’ll walk.
My ex started acting like an evil bastard, I discovered he’d been cheating on me, and I (finally) gave him the heave-ho. I thought he was the one, but I was mistaken…and now I’m marrying someone a thousand times better. If I’d stayed with the ex I would have snapped long ago.
If he’s going to treat you like garbage now, how is he going to treat you when you’re legally bonded and can’t just walk away without a court battle?
Post # 6
he makes no sense. So he has picked a wedding date, but yet he hasn’t proposed and he doesn’t think you are ready to be engaged? Well then why did he pick the date? It sounds like something is wrong with him. Maybe he doesn’t like his new real estate job? Who knows, but I think you two should sit down and have a long talk without arguing.
Post # 7
sounds like something is up with him, is he stressed?
Post # 8
seems like something else is on his mind besides just the job situation. that may just be the avenue he’s using to express some other frustration with your situation. if he really wants to marry you, he should be supporting your life and career choices and helping to you get what you want, not tear you down. seems like a conversation about your general life priorities is needed.
Post # 9
I would just like to weigh in on this because I PERSONALLY know vanilla frosting and mr. vanilla frosting and his work ethic is definitely a tiny bit lacking. He has been serving full time for the past year and until about a month ago, she was the only one with aspects of a full time job right out of college. Frosting…..TAKE YOUR TIME! You rushed into that job and you totally hated it and now you have to find your niche! When you get engaged, you will save the money that you need (side note: people forget that serving can pay more than a full time job in less hours). As far as being nit-picky…. ive been trying not to drop hints but I think you are awaiting an upcoming proposal and he could be deflecting the stress onto you to either distract you or stop you from worrying about it so he can try and surprise you…. Boys do funny things on the way to engagement. He needs to understand that you may need some time to find your own financial niche, and if that isn’t ok….then he needs to deal with that….. when you start talking about marriage, that becomes PART of your relationship….. LOVE YOU VANILLA!!! CYA NEXT FRIDAY!
Post # 10
@weaver: way to weigh in personally!!! i was wondering if there was something more but of course overly cautious…
Post # 11
LOVE YOU WEAVERM26
Thanks bees!for listening to the rant and weighing in your opinions. Mr. Frosting and I actually did have a well thought out conversation while we were driving up to my parent’s house last weekend about his moody behavior. I explained to him that I understand he is looking out for my best interest and doesn’t want me to slack off (which I’ll admit I sometimes do), but the way he comes off is not concerned and is mostly down-right mean. He promised to choose his battles and his words more wisely when he wants to bring the negative up between us.
Post # 12
*Hugs* I know how you feel. I wait tables during the day, then leave strait from work (no shower, even!) and take the two hour commute to college, which I attend full time at night. I am in my senior year, and have a 4.0 GPA. When I misread the due date for a paper and didn’t get to turn it in, he got mad at me….he said I need to get it together, and stop slacking off! I wanted to bring up the fact that he didn’t go to college and throughout his high school days he frequently got C’s and was happy with them(so why the high standards for me?). I actually wanted to rip his head off at first, but then I took a deep breath and realized that he only wants the best for me. He knows how high my expectations are of myself and wants me to succeed. Maybe yours is feeling similar. I know with my boyfriend he just doesn’t know how to say things in a way that is received well by me. He may not realize that what you are doing is actually beneficial to you and where you want your future to go (not a stressful full-time job). I have also found that while I find significance in a job in which I am doing something I love, he finds significance in a job where is paid the most. I am glad you were able to have a talk and work some of it out…communication is key
Post # 13
Oh my gosh! regardless of what is going on, you shouldn’t allow him to treat you like that. Higher earning salary doesn’t make you the “boss” of the relationship, let him know that its bothering you and that he hurts your feelings when he acts this way.