(Closed) He’s asking his pastor if he’ll marry us and I am freaking out.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That is a hard situation to be in. I think your FI should be happy you go to church with him every Sunday. I know a lot of couples where one person isn’t religious, and you couldn’t bribe them into going to church. My point is, it seems like you are trying to meet your FI half way, and he should do the same for you. Your wedding ceremony should reflect both of you and be something you’re both comfortable with. Maybe you need to have a talk with your FI and find some sort of compromise.

Post # 4
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I personally think you’ll be more comfortable with a non-demonimational minister.  Your FI knows that you don’t consider yourself Christian, correct?  Maybe just let him know that you aren’t completely comfortable with the idea of getting married in a Christian Church of with a Christian Minister.  You wedding ceremony should be something you are both happy with.

Post # 5
10563 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

The worst that could happen is the pastor won’t marry you.  He can’t go around telling people about your beliefs.  It’s a little similar to talking to a counsellor that way.

Post # 7
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

my DH asked his old pastor and close friend if he would marry us, and he said he would not because we lived together before marriage. My DH was crushed…

I just hope that if his pastor does say no that your FI is prepared for that.

Post # 8
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I do think your concerns about this are justified.  Most (evangelical, at least) Christian pastors that I know, including my own DH, would not unite in marriage a practicing Christian and an unbeliever for the reasons you cited about not being equally yoked. However, I do believe that all of the Christian pastors I know would continue to welcome your attendance at their churches, despite the fact that you are not currently a believer.

Post # 10
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

were you baptised? my pastor wouldn’t marry us if I wasn’t baptised 

Post # 12
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I dunno..I don’t think you should be that upset. I mean, if you’d like to marry him you need to respect one anothers beleifs. 

FI and I are getting married in Church and he’s not particularly religious but it means alot to me, so he never objected. He even went to church premarital classes with me and it wasn’t all about God, it was more of what to expect in marriage, very helpful stuff…and there was even another couple like us…only one of them was an athiest…and our church is totally fine with that as long as they agree on how to raise the children and stuff and respect one another, won’t prevent the other from going to church, etc.

Post # 14
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know exactly where you are coming from. I am a gnostic, not to be confused with agnostic. I believe that all great religions are equally valid, although I probably favor paganism. I have gone to services of many different faiths, often finding beauty and wisdom in all of them. You are worried about the pastor refusing to marry you & FI,  and FI’s feelings getting hurt. I understand. Let FI ask his pastor and if pastor says no, then look for another officiant. I am sure FI knows how you feel and is comfortable with your belief system. It will work out.

Post # 15
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Your FI probably knows there is a chance of rejection, but what about the chance of the pastor saying yes?! If he says no, you guys can just find someone else, but think how great it would be if he does it. That’s probably your FI’s thought process on this.

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