He's been lying to me…PLeASE help :(

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@temporary:  honestly, I can’t believe your husband’s hair is more important to him than you two having a fulfilling sex life. FI is bald, and I think he’s sexier without hair. Either way, the issue is his lying. My guess is, he’s hugely insecure about his hair loss and even if he wants your sex life to improve, he can’t bring himself to stop taking the pills. I wouldn’t attack him about this, and would try to have an honest but understanding conversation. 

Post # 4
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@temporary:  Im sorry bee.. I’ve read your past threads. In the past, I didn’t give much thought at all to it. BUT is there any bit of hesitation within you to ever believe that he could be gay?

Going to this length to you to lie in order to keep his hair (and ruin his sex life) is a bit extreme.  Even more extreme since it means you wont be starting a family together. This is now bizarre.. and it’s something that you absolutely NEED to talk about ASAP. This is YOUR LIFE too. It’s not fair. 

Post # 6
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m going to try and give you some advice while imagining that I am in your husband’s position. I know I am female, and females have a… well, different relationship with their hair than men (at least I’ve always felt that way), but I will imagine that my hair is falling out and I have to choose between keeping it, or having a good sex life. 

It would honestly be a hard decision for me to make. I have a lot of confidence in my hair, and I would hate to lose it. It would make me feel insecure.

However, if my husband couldn’t have sex with me that would ALSO make me feel insecure. Maybe by pointing that out, the fact that you not being able to have a sex life with him make you feel much like his baldness might be making him feel, you could relate to him in a way he can really understand. 

As for how to tell him, if it were me I would just come out with it. I know you aren’t recieving your fair share when it comes to sex, but still I would try to be understanding all while making your point clear. 

Post # 7
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@temporary:  I would tell the truth: you accidentally found a bottle, got suspicious, searched and found a second bottle, and called the pharmacist. It depends how your relationship works, but for us, lying is way way worse than snooping. All our property is shared so in a sense snooping isn’t really wrong. I don’t think you’ve got anything to apologise for, since (a) his ED wasn’t improving, (b) you found the first bottle accidentally, and (c) you have (apparently) uncovered a big lie.

I too don’t understand why hair loss would be a bigger worry for him than ED. I’m guessing he thinks he knows better than the doctor and the medication isn’t really the cause.

Post # 8
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@temporary:  you just need to admit to the snooping. Tell  him you found the bottle, read the date. And became furious. Out of rage you called the pharmacy… and you know the truth.

Honesty is BEST way to approach the conversation. Don’t let him turn the table on you, you have every right to be so upset.

Post # 9
Member
22 posts
Newbee

[content moderated for trolling]

Post # 11
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@paula1248:  +1

Don’t lie to him. Just say you found the bottle, got suspicious, found a second empty bottle from April and felt like something was up, so you called the pharmacy. He’s the one that lied, I’d say he’s the one who’s got some explaining to do!

I’m honestly not sure why he would do this. My FI is only 24 and has a receeding hair line which he is a little sensitive about (not really sure why, he shaves his head anyway), but it’s ONLY HAIR! I don’t know why he would keep taking the medication OR lie to you about it.

Post # 14
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@temporary: 

It may be possible for him to take an ED medication to counteract the effects of the hair loss med. I would suggest you two discuss that and that he discuss it with his doctor to see if that is a possibility. A lot of men are very sensitive about hair loss, so that may be a happier solution for the moment. I’m not familiar with hair loss meds but viagra, etc does treat ED due to anti-depressants and ADD meds, so its worth asking about.

 

Of course that does not address the lying. Honestly, it sucks to be lied to, but as hair loss can be so sensitive to some guys, I think when you talk to him about it, try to go into it with empathy and a desire to listen to what he is feeling about it and why he decided to continue.  I have no idea how he thought it would work for him to keep taking it while telling you he wasn’t, as its effects are pretty obvious. BUT he knew you wanted him to stop, and I imagine he felt he was wrong to make the choice to keep taking it, and couldn’t face and tell you he was makign that choice.  But he may be facing a lot of fear about hair loss, including the fear that you won’t find him attractive when he goes bald.  If I were you, I would try not to be angry with him, tell him you know he has continued to take the medicine, and then tell him you know it can be a sensitive thing, but that you don’t understand why he would make the choice to continue, and why he would hide it from you. Ask him why, and then listen.

 

Post # 15
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You snooped because he’s a confirmed liar. If he gets upset about it, tough. You need to confront this issue because it’s obviously not going away.

Post # 16
Member
22 posts
Newbee

[content moderated for trolling]

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors