He's bored already- please help

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Okay, I hate when I read a post and all the bees say “go to counseling”.. 

But in this case, I think it’s the best thing to help save your marriage, especially if you dont particularly enjoy or feel comfortable with in-depth conversation. I would look for a good therapist in your area to help sort out ALL the feelings going on because it seems like it could be a lot.

Post # 4
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

How did you end up marrying each other? Has it always been this way?

Post # 5
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mockblock:  +1 I’m wondering the same thing. Maybe you can give us a little more insight OP?

Post # 6
Member
10999 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. How long have you been married?

Post # 7
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It sounds like there were issues that should have been addressed before marriage.  That ship’s sailed already, so I agree with others that counseling’s the way to go.  It sounds like you want to give things a fair shot, so do what you can to satisfy that.  If in the end it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know you tried.

 

I’m sorry for all you’re going through right now.  Honestly it sounds like he’s the one with issues here, it’s not you.

Post # 10
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon4:  Well when you got back together, didn’t you have one of those talks about “I know I broke up with you because of this, but I was being silly and I don’t want that to get in between us..” or did you just kind of fall back into things no questions asked?

I honestly don’t think he’s “bored” with you. If you were so boring he wouldn’t have pursued you.. twice.. and then proposed to you, and gone through with a wedding. It sounds to me as if there is something else wrong, and the fact that you are introverted has prevented you from getting it out on the open. Maybe you should ask him to sit down and communicate what he’s feeling? Or maybe you could start by writing what you’re feeling in a letter. I do this when I don’t really know how to start a conversation about something difficult with my FI.

Post # 11
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anon4:  sounds like some level of incompatibility mixed with poor communication.  I highly suggest the marriage counseling to get to the bottom of it and then even sex therapy to build/regain the intimacy.

I think you don’t know what he’s really thinking and he doesn’t know how you’re really feeling and conversations need to be had to resolve this.  You two got married for a reason, remember what this is and hold on tight to it, I’m sure this is fixable and that you two will get past this.

Post # 12
Member
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m a total extrovert and FH is an introvert so I kind of get it, but I just accept that about him. We are comfortable being silent together and I do talk more than he does. When he talks do you listen? Thats big for me–I know he’s less talkative but if he doesnt listen I will get upset. But I don’t know if this sounds like its purely an issue of being introverted. Introverted doesn’t mean boring. I think counseling could be good because it seems like there may be a bigger issue. 

Post # 13
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry 🙁 

Have you asked him how he feels about sex, and why he never initiates? Do you feel he is truthful when he gives you an answer? I agree with other bees… it seems you need someone to talk to mutually and objectively.

 

Post # 14
Member
10999 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sure it must be heartbreaking to feel the way that you do after only a year of marriage.  My DH and I also had a lot of stress factors in our marriage, and long story short, our first few years were no picnic either. However, we both were completely committed to making it work, and I am so thankful to be able to say that we are so much happier and more connected now, four years in, than we ever were at the point where you are now.

As I have said before to other newlywed bees, when we take those vows “for better and for worse,” we seldom expect the worse to come before the better. However, sometimes it does, and we have to be willing to press through the worse to ever reach the better.

I also think that counseling would be very beneficial to provide you and your DH with the understanding and tools that you will need to have a healthy and successful marriage. I know that my DH and I have learned so much about ourselves, each other, and our relationship, as a result of having been to counseling.

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